If you used to be suicidal and now you aren't, what helped?

[AndresyFiorella]

Just that really. I don't want to go too much into my own situation, because that makes me feel worse, but I feel like I've had all the therapy and all the pills and I'm just so tired of it all.

Thank you. I need to try.

I really get your question. I want to die because I can't face making another decision ever again. And life involves hundreds of decisions and I just can't bear it.

But sometimes I think I need to just tough it out, make lots of decisions and power through. It's letting myself procrastinate that's the problem.

I just can't keep fighting. I'm 46 and I'm done.

Having individual therapy Groups about positive thinking we're awful and not at all helpful

I got diagnosed with autism,and told I met the criteria for ADHD at the same time .
I realised it wasn't my fault,no wonder I seemed to find everything so much more difficult than most other people.
Plus I had some counselling,quite a bit and CBT ,and realised my parents were abusive..I'd never faced it before,always made excuses for them.
Everything just started to make sense ,and because I understood myself,I could be kinder to myself.
I hope you find some peace op xx

I also sabotage myself by e.g. being so decision averse that I can't write my lesson plans down, but that means I have to re-plan them every year, so actually makes more decisions. Rationally I know this is bonkers.

This isn’t bonkers at all. I think you need to understand it from a trauma-informed point of view. Have you ever had any therapy with a trauma informed therapist? SarahBCoaching on Instagram is great at explaining this kind of stuff and the different states of the nervous system - how we can get stuck in ‘freeze’ etc.

When you avoid a task, you’re avoiding the feelings connected to that task. It could be something like if you write your lesson plans down, you’ll be great at your job, and you’ll be seen/noticed by people which could be scary, because being noticed in the past has got you in trouble or shamed or punished etc. So part of you might be trying to keep yourself emotionally safe by making sure you don’t go there. There will be some perfectly logical explanation such as this behind the avoidance. Dr David Maloney on YouTube and WithCoachGrace on Instagram are both great at talking about procrastination/sabotage from a trauma perspective. Self sabotage is actually self-protection - it helps to flip your narrative and start seeing that the parts of yourself have your best interests at heart (even if misguided or outdated survival strategies).

Another thing that really helped me is Pete Walker’s 13 steps to managing emotional flashbacks. It’s taken an awful lot of digging in therapy but I’ve found my suicide ideation is more like a feeling of overwhelm and wanting to escape from feelings - overwhelming feelings that have stacked up and that I’ve been left alone with in my early past. But once you can identify and label them, and tease out what’s from the past and what’s here and now, and sort out the pile, it can help lessen the overwhelm and the desire to escape. Pete Walker’s book Complex CPTSD is great and well worth a read. The steps and some content is free on his website too.

Also have you come across parts therapy or ‘internal family systems’?

Message if you want!

Thank you. I have had some IFS therapy in the past and quite liked it. I have considered looking into it again. But right now I find the thought of another therapy or self help book triggering in itself. Also trying to save money as separation on the cards. I need to breathe

That’s interesting - can you be curious about that response? It could be a part of you tying to keep yourself safe, but actually keeping you stuck.

Therapy is the best money I’ve ever spent tbh - it massively increased my wellness and earning capacity. Triggers can be amazing things when you can start gently walking towards them rather than avoiding them - they’re catalysts for growth and abundance.

There is a big element of needing to have a good amount of safety/security (emotionally, physically) before your mind will let you go to scary places, so a valid choice to not explore for now and of course yours to make. It’s worth being conscious of that decision you’re making to stay where you are for now, because that in itself could bring you a layer of safety and ease within yourself - ‘I like where I am for now, it’s comfortable’

A close friend telling me to pull myself together and stop doing this. It’s the last thing you’re supposed to say to anyone but it really worked for me.

This is really interesting . Have you tried IFS therapy yourself?

@Makehaysunshine yes, not labelled as such but as one of the tools my psychotherapist uses. There’s a PDF of the book No Bad Parts by Richard Schwartz here

https://archive.org/embed/no-bad-parts-healing-trauma-and-restoring-wholeness-richard-schwartz

Those left behind

I had to really go back to basics and get a grip of myself. I struggled and still struggle to an extent with emotional regulation.
As I've gotten older I've tried to take full responsibility for this and put the effort into understanding myself and what is going to cause me stress.
And I really did have to go back to basics with things like my diet, sleep hygiene and excercise etc.. avoiding any media that might have an effect on me.. trying to clearly communicate when things were getting out of hand for me. It's so hard to find the energy to do all that but it has helped me massively.
I always make sure to go outside and get at least 10k steps a day. I make sure I have a window of 9 hours to sleep. I make sure I am eating healthy nutritious food regularly. I make sure I listen to my positive affirmations once a week and every day if I feel I am getting particularly anxious. I've given up caffeine completely. I also like to make lists of small things to achieve in the day and I also journal things I'm grateful for and positive thoughts I've had during the day.
Of course I'm not perfect at doing all these things all the time but now I'm older I know the effort I put in will come out in a steadier state of mind.
I have been on antidepressants and antipsychotics for short periods but find they wipe me out so work to get off them.
I find it really important to view yourself as you would a loved friend. Any thought that comes into your head think about it as though it were a friend saying it to you about themselves.. what would you say to them? Would you tell them they didn't matter? Would you tell them they are a lost cause and a drain? No. So why speak to yourself that way internally?

It can be very individual though what works for different people. These things are things that worked for me.
I know its so hard and at points it feels unfair you have to put so much effort into simply wanting to stay alive. But you are who you are, and you need to work with that as best you can. Learn to see the good things. Treat yourself as someone you love. You have as much right to be here as anyone else does. In fact your pain probably gives you a level of insight into others that many human beings don't have.

After 40 years accepted anti depressants. Things go much better quite quickly. Might have been quicker if I wasn’t such a wuss and insisted on tritating up one extra drop of liquid anti depressant at a time.

Then it suddenly came back. Added HRT and the anti depressants were able to work again.

Still had the black hole of sad pain in my solar plexus though. My ADHD coach used sistematic coaching on me, I had no idea i what it was. Just as well, I’d have run a mile from anything that sounded so “woo-woo”. It worked.

It’s like a massive rock I was given to carry all those years ago has finally been lifted off my back.

Same

Medication (anti depressants and anti anxiety tablets).
Thinking of how my children would feel and how their future would be changed forever.
Cutting off several toxic members of my family and some friends - I now have zero contact and no regrets whatsoever. This was life - changing - for the better.
Time. It took me four years so not a quick fix, but I'm better now and happy and grateful to still be here.

There’s a big difference between being suicidal and not wanting to be alive. Everyday I don’t want to be alive, but I’m a lone parent to an 11 year old, who has no contact from his father. He has no-one else. I’m on mirtazipine which helps as I can now sleep better. I’m not suicidal though, although I have been, many times.

I have had more therapy than hot dinners though. And I've read 1000 self help books. I'm not avoiding therapy so much as sick of it

Through therapy i realised id internalised a message from my parents that I was unworthy and I de-programmed that belief.

Thanks I found that very interesting

How did you do that?

I don't know I think awareness is the key that unlocks the door a previous therapist used to map my patterns on a piece of paper and always draw a little eye that represented the light of awareness

Thank you. I think I know exactly why I am the way I am but that doesn't help me actually change. So many therapists have given up on me. It's hard not to feel like a lost cause. But I've got to survive another 30 years or so. It feels such a long time.

I'm going to try and read this and am looking into ifs therapy.