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Original poster

If you used to be suicidal and now you aren't, what helped?

122 replies

AndresyFiorella · 30/08/2025 13:18

Just that really. I don't want to go too much into my own situation, because that makes me feel worse, but I feel like I've had all the therapy and all the pills and I'm just so tired of it all.

OP posts:
Sajacas · 31/08/2025 13:15

Responding to the initial post, what helped me: I discovered metabolic psychiatry and read the books by Georgia Ede, Chris Palmer, and Felice Jacka.

I am beyond angry that I discovered this so late.
This video is a good introduction if anyone is interested and has some time.

- YouTube

Enjoy the videos and music that you love, upload original content and share it all with friends, family and the world on YouTube.

https://youtu.be/ws_AlyJNo2I?si=9xwx53yB5FV1AKh4

Original poster
AndresyFiorella · 31/08/2025 16:09

I've got eating disorders so not sure I can do anything about my diet without triggering a relapse.

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Original poster
AndresyFiorella · 31/08/2025 16:17

I just can't do it.

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mummysmagicmedicine · 31/08/2025 18:28

Someone who by no means had to care for me but I could see in his eyes when he heard how much I was struggling how upset I had made him. I planned to do it later that night but I thought it would break him if I did and he’d be blaming himself and I couldn’t bear it. It was tough but he helped me take it one day at a time and I got on sertraline and then began living my life a bit more happily and to my full potential x

LittleYellowQueen · 31/08/2025 18:30

I'm sorry you're feeling this way op. Do you want to talk about anything specifically? If not with us, I've used Shout before, to have someone to reach out to when struggling. If you text SHOUT to 85258, someone will text you back.

amispeakingintongues · 31/08/2025 20:25

Anti depressants and a lot of Jesus

WhenWeWereYounggg · 31/08/2025 20:29

Personperson · 31/08/2025 13:08

Bipolar is another similar condition. My sister has it. It could be that. It's a chemical abnormality of the brain, hence the ups and downs in mood.

Show quote history

If it’s bipola you need meds op x

HappyHedgehog247 · 31/08/2025 20:32

I'm sorry things feel so so hard. Tomorrow is another day. I promise that however bad things are your DD is much much better off with you not committing suicide. It is devastating for children.

JollyRoseBiscuit · 31/08/2025 21:11

My DB killed himself, that sharp shook me out of it. Dont know how but it was like a mind reset. We were so close.

Smoothwater · 31/08/2025 22:51

Loads of things helped. None of them are enough on their own, together they make a huge difference:

  • therapy - someone to tell about how I was feeling and help me see if for what it was - wanting an escape from my existing life and not knowing how
  • therapy and ongoing personal quest to understand my hormone lead me to understand I had pmdd and not everyone feels like I feel.
  • fertility testing showed me I had pcos which is linked to pmdd
  • learning about to manage my pcos by managing blood sugar, weight lifting exercise, fibre intake and hormone gels
  • meditating to come to be able to hold onto my overwhelming emotions and care for them without them over taking me
  • taking vitamins
  • learning about depression, where it comes from and trying to do things that I can control to improve it
  • learning to understand why I get overwhelmed and why my body has very extreme off switches!

there is no one answer - getting all of these thing into my life has changed me massively. I’m not always fine, but lows and no where near as dark as they used to be.

Smoothwater · 31/08/2025 22:55

SisterTeatime · 30/08/2025 14:30

Love @GreenGodiva ’s post. Life is hard when you experience a lot of suicidal thoughts but I decided to stay alive partly by noticing all the little things that I would no longer experience if I wasn’t here. Just birds, trees, clouds, the beauty around me. I built up from there. I’ve done loads of work on myself too but that mindset helps me every day and I always find things to be grateful for.

there is a good app called Stay Alive that I have found helpful too.

Indecision is a symptom of anxiety and you are almost certainly exhausted. Get all decision-making to a bare minimum. Try not to put so much effort into making decisions or thinking about them. I remember well how distressing and exhausting indecision can be. I highly recommend Claire Weekes’s books to you, especially the audiobooks. It’s really all about accepting how you feel, accepting the symptoms and floating through. Then you start to recuperate and gain strength. Of course drugs therapy etc play a part too and I agree that exercise is brilliant but just a walk round the block can be helpful when you are tired out.

I assure you, things can change. It’s about 12 years since I was last seriously suicidal. Yes I have difficult thoughts, no life isn’t easy, but I am still here and I’m glad I am. wishing you the best.

Would totally agree with this. Allowing myself to feel what I need to without being overwhelmed. Never trying to get rid of the bad thoughts but treating them like children that need ti be cared for. What they want is important but they can’t be in charge.

i learned this through IFS, internal family systems.

Makehaysunshine · 31/08/2025 22:58

GreenGodiva · 30/08/2025 13:33

I am bipolar. Been suicidal for most of my teenage /young adult years. About 26-28 I read a book and I remember seeing a quote. “Happiness is a hard choice to make”. It very much set off a tiny chain of events. Exercise is the big one. Every single day. I intentionally flipped my thinking and instead of taking every tiny pebble,stone/rock in my path as a direct insult to myself, I look for the silver lining. I try to turn every single negative into a positive. So my benefits got cut due to their mistake, I used it as a challenge to create mega cheap recipes. Instead of wallowing that I couldn’t afford to buy my kids more than 2-3 Christmas presents, I spent my last £5 on smart price baking ingredients and we made biscuits And cakes and cookies and they STILL talk about how that Xmas was great fun. Every single day I choose to look for simple beauty in the things around me, a weed growing in a paving crack, fluffy clouds, watching kids on the park. I took responsibility for my own actions and how my own inactivity/complacency caused a decent chunk of my problems. I held myself accountable and put steps in to improve my behaviour.

And volunteering gives me a huge buzz. Every Easter and Christmas my sister and I cook for those in need, we started this 100% on our own about 4-5 years ago and last Xmas Eve we supplied 87 people in the community with reheatable roast dinners that were scratch made. This year, we are running a sit down meal on Christmas day in our church. Plus take away meals on Xmas Eve, and hampers for those that want to cook their own. We fund raise for this all year and it doesn’t actually cost a lot. My husband and I play mother and Father Christmas as well all through December and we are brilliant at it. I have never had such a warm fluffy buzz in my life add I get from making other people smile.

Honestly this post made me cry. What a truly inspirational attitude. I’m going to take a leaf out of your book. You sound like an amazing woman.

Pepperedpickles · 31/08/2025 23:16

Strangely enough accepting that I could do it at any time but realising I can control whether I do or not. Maybe that makes little sense. It just kind of made me realise I could live one day at a time rather than trying to view my whole life as a success or failure and the choice to go on or not would still be there. That seemed to give me a sense of control and peace at a time when I had none and gradually the blackness sort of lifted. It’s never completely gone away but it’s sort of filed away - I’m 44 now and I’ve been anxious and depressed my whole life. Weirdly enough being diagnosed with some very complex autoimmune issues in my late 30s (one potentially fatal one if mismanaged / not treated well in an emergency) has also helped. It’s made me more grateful for good days health wise even if my mental health isn’t so good. And my cat. He’s pretty cool.

Original poster
AndresyFiorella · 01/09/2025 07:22

Thank you everyone. I think for suicide is a comforting thought. It's a way out. Today I have my first day back at school and I am totally unprepared and also drained as I cried all night. Trying to psyche myself up; all I have to do is still be alive at the end of the day.

OP posts:
Original poster
AndresyFiorella · 01/09/2025 07:22

I keep wishing to get a quick form of cancer so I can die without guilt.

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LittleYellowQueen · 01/09/2025 10:51

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way op. Is there any way you can take the day off? Or at the very least give yourself permission just to do the bare minimum today - the kids will love you for it to have a nice chilled day just settling back in.

Original poster
AndresyFiorella · 01/09/2025 13:01

Thank you. I am always happier at work than at home, even though I'm miserable at work! No kids in today, but a new teacher in my dept who no doubt thinks I'm completely incompetent! Hiding on the tennis courts for a cry right now. Last year I cried on so many people and was forced to take some time off (which made me worse), so I'm trying to hide it this year.

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Cutthegrass · 02/09/2025 20:52

Sertraline, total life saver.
My dogs who I love to bits.
No Facebook 😀.

Original poster
AndresyFiorella · 03/09/2025 07:04

Thank you. I am really struggling at work. Not sleeping. Relationship problems..I can't make the most basic decision. DDS first day of secondary today and I am not present for her. I honestly feel her and DP would be better off without me. If I lose my job my life won't be worth living.

OP posts:
SisterTeatime · 03/09/2025 08:47

Your life is always worth living. Life is more than a job.

You are ill and not sleeping and your thinking is therefore extremely distorted.

STOP thinking about what others think of you. STOP mind reading. STOP trying to look at the future. STOP the what if? thinking. Do what you need to do to get through today. That’s it.

If you need to cry on the tennis courts, cry. Do what you need to. Have a cup of tea. Have another cry. Let go.

Please download Freedom from Nervous Suffering by Claire Weekes on Audible and listen to it. You are suffering so much from the fatigue she talks of, I really think it will comfort you.

And ask your DH to drop everything and get you an appt with a psychiatrist. You need help and they can give different drugs in different combinations. They can give you something to help you sleep. They are the experts in this. If you can get a private appt you should just need your GP to give a referral.

If you are in London or Essex DM me and I’ll send you a recommendation for the psychiatrist who treated me.

You can get through this and you can enjoy life again.

cadburyegg · 03/09/2025 12:26

Hi op I haven’t rtft but I have suffered with depression since my teens (now late 30s). Have been suicidal at times.

Things that have helped (not all at once):
Sertraline - been on this for 10 years now. Started on 50mg and was on this for years. 2020-2021 I gradually went up to 200mg. Earlier this year I came down to 100mg. Next year I will try to drop to 50mg.
Giving myself some grace. I now allow myself some time to sit and be sad if I need it but I do not allow myself to wallow.
Getting out and about with my children.
Therapy of various forms. I’ve done CBT and counselling.
Only keeping people in my life who are a positive influence, not a drain.
Having a job and going into the office twice a week.
Limiting social media use. I used to be on twitter and it was such a drain - no more.

But honestly the main thing is - time and acceptance. Accepting that I feel like X at the moment but it won’t always be this way. Knowledge that things will improve. But accepting that i will have phases where i feel worse than others.

newshoestoday · 03/09/2025 12:47

I’ve attempted suicide twice. My depression was very situational so it helped when I was able to leave the particular situation at uni and come home to get family and friends support. I tried therapy but it wasn’t for me. It sounds really trite but I got a paper diary and I had a “thing” every day that I had to go out of the house for, however small. I have now left the house every single day without a break since 2009, it helps so much for me personally.

SecretNameforMN · 03/09/2025 13:03

Seeing that I have a future worth staying around for.

HellonHeels · 03/09/2025 13:09

10 years' group therapy. 90 minutes a week, every week. Hardest work I've ever done. It saved my life.

Other stuff that helped me:
Getting my cats ❤️
Leaving my husband
Being assessed for ADHD and finally understanding why I struggled so very much at school and university
Buying a bike and riding it

Original poster
AndresyFiorella · 03/09/2025 16:49

SecretNameforMN · 03/09/2025 13:03

Seeing that I have a future worth staying around for.

I need to find some faith in this. Right now I think I'm failing at my job (the only job I've ever wanted), I'm failing at a relationship; I'm failing at parenting. All I can picture in the future is poverty and DD blaming me for whatever mental health problems she develops (which she no doubt will as I'm such a fuck up). I was happy for a couple of months earlier in the year so I know it's possible. But I should have used the time I was confident to sort my work out but I didn't so now I'm a total mess. The only thing I'm hanging hope on is my daughter falling in love and getting married and doing the things I've failed to do. But I know I'm putting too much pressure on her happiness. I need to find something of my own.

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