I am in a really bad place right now and feel completely lost. On the one hand, the coworker who is clearly married (has a ring) is playing hot and cold with me when it is clear that this can’t go anywhere. That alone is really messing up with my emotions. It was distressing enough developing feelings for him completely out of the blue. It is impossible to avoid him completely due to the nature of my work, so even if I am able to forget about him some days, I see him and the feelings come flooding back. I don’t do anything anymore to encourage an exchange, but he still does it anyway.
On the other hand, my boyfriend is telling me how much more he is doing for the relationship than I am. Yet, I am the one that plans the majority of dates and sacrificed part of my career. He has never sacrificed anything for me. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have ever made such a move, but he said he wouldn’t do long distance, and I genuinely thought he was the one. Also, his parents are constantly being two faced and complaining to him about me behind my back. I hate that it’s taken this stupid crush for me to be unsure of this relationship as it feels wrong, but here I am.
I feel like running away every day because I can’t take where I am in life. I was starting to get my life on track, yet I am such an emotional wreck after all this. I don’t know how I can or will recover. I guess I will just have to be content that I have no property or kids attached to him, if I decide that the relationship isn’t working out.
I am looking for a mix of a handhold and some advice. I can’t tell anybody about this in real life, because it will inevitably mess my life up even more. The few people I trust know the coworker as well, so it just couldn’t happen.