Having a really bad time. Hate how my life is atm and that I soon won’t be able to tolerate anything.

[Lunalara]

I am in a really bad place right now and feel completely lost. On the one hand, the coworker who is clearly married (has a ring) is playing hot and cold with me when it is clear that this can’t go anywhere. That alone is really messing up with my emotions. It was distressing enough developing feelings for him completely out of the blue. It is impossible to avoid him completely due to the nature of my work, so even if I am able to forget about him some days, I see him and the feelings come flooding back. I don’t do anything anymore to encourage an exchange, but he still does it anyway.

On the other hand, my boyfriend is telling me how much more he is doing for the relationship than I am. Yet, I am the one that plans the majority of dates and sacrificed part of my career. He has never sacrificed anything for me. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have ever made such a move, but he said he wouldn’t do long distance, and I genuinely thought he was the one. Also, his parents are constantly being two faced and complaining to him about me behind my back. I hate that it’s taken this stupid crush for me to be unsure of this relationship as it feels wrong, but here I am.

I feel like running away every day because I can’t take where I am in life. I was starting to get my life on track, yet I am such an emotional wreck after all this. I don’t know how I can or will recover. I guess I will just have to be content that I have no property or kids attached to him, if I decide that the relationship isn’t working out.

I am looking for a mix of a handhold and some advice. I can’t tell anybody about this in real life, because it will inevitably mess my life up even more. The few people I trust know the coworker as well, so it just couldn’t happen.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling so low.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Offering a hand hold and the thought that you sound so lovely… please don’t be disheartened. You are worth so much more than the approval of these men. I hope you find strength to move on, you deserve so much more.

OP everything is fixable. You are so, so young. I completely can empathise about everything you are describing. The feeling of being stuck. The feeling that a job is temporary yet you're stuck in it. The confusion about relationships and feelings. The toxic parents. I have been there and I felt in a dark place. But it DID get better for me. Amd it WILL get better for you. Please speak to your GP. If you are thinking you would prefer to speak to someone tonight, please do call 111.

And continue posting here, if you'd like. We can keep you company. I'm packing for a trip and I'm shitting myself as I hate flying - so I won't be sleeping tonight!

Thank you for your kind words. Sometimes the attacks and nitpicking from others can feel relentless. Then on top of that, these really confusing feelings enter my life. My relationship with God/understanding of God has changed drastically as well. It feels too much. I have always struggled with feeling low, but just before the stuff with the coworker happened, I was finally starting to make positive changes for my future. It feels like it was all a monumental waste and I hate myself for letting this happen, even though the feelings were completely out of my control.

@AlpacaMittens Hope you have a lovely trip. There have been quite a few airplane accidents recently, so I know that it must seem scary. Facing the fears will be worth it though when you get to your destination.

Offering a handhold. We’ve all been there but you can and will get through this OP. Your feelings are all over the place, but keep talking, keep looking after yourself. One step at a time and like a previous poster has said, you’re worth more than the approval of these men.

Urgh I sure hope things will get better. I feel like the whole world is against me. It’s a really dark feeling to have. Maybe my issue is that I am being impatient with my boyfriend, but it’s scary to be told he has no idea when he will be ready after already dating for 4 years. On top of that, I have to deal with social media and happy relationships. Work is going to be a struggle today.

I despise myself so much for putting myself in this situation. I have no nope for a better future, I really don’t.

Excuse me for maybe barking up the wrong tree @Lunalarabut have you ever had it suggested to you that you might suffer from some traits of ASD? Your black and white/everything or nothing outlook just reminds me of some of the young women I work with (I’m a SENDCO in an alternative education centre for 11-18yr olds). Might be worth having a think about if it is something that’s ever crossed your mind before. Even if you haven’t ever considered ASD as an issue in your life, I wonder if you might benefit from some MH support. Perhaps your work offer something? Just a thought anyway.

I know that I have autism. I haven’t been formally diagnosed, but I have too many traits for it to be a coincidence. It took me a while to get there though, as my parents had a rigid view of what it means to have autism. Either way, marriage and kids are something that I want a lot, and it feels unattainable for me.

Too old to date again at 27!
Give over!
Swerve both of them and have some time to yourself. Your late 20s should be fun not agonising (although admittedly I wasted mine on stupid relationships).
Im 10 years older than you and if DP binned me off I wouldn't consider myself "too old" to ever date again
Whether that be at 47 or 57! (Wouldn't now as have young dc to consider).

Your only 27. You have ages yet. Dont settle for Mr wrong just on the basis you want marriage and kids. Work on yourself first x

I have had really negative experiences trying to access therapy. I often had to wait a month between appointments as the therapist would forget. I ended up getting frustrated as it just wasn’t enough. I have tried to access therapy since, but it seems quite difficult to get. I don’t really want to spend loads of money on therapy, though at this point I might not have much of a choice…

It doesn’t feel like I have ages. I don’t know a single guy my age that is single.

I went out with my friends last night and had a wonderful time. It really helped me to process what happened and how a taken guy that flirts is not a real catch. I am motivated to make myself happy no matter what, although it will take some time to get there. As for the relationship, I am taking it one day at a time. I may end up leaving him, but I want to fully become independent before I make that choice.

Thanks to people for waking me up. I shouldn’t have ever let myself get attracted to that awful man, but I guess it’s better that I stopped it before anything bad could happen.