Having a really bad time. Hate how my life is atm and that I soon won’t be able to tolerate anything.

[Lunalara]

I am in a really bad place right now and feel completely lost. On the one hand, the coworker who is clearly married (has a ring) is playing hot and cold with me when it is clear that this can’t go anywhere. That alone is really messing up with my emotions. It was distressing enough developing feelings for him completely out of the blue. It is impossible to avoid him completely due to the nature of my work, so even if I am able to forget about him some days, I see him and the feelings come flooding back. I don’t do anything anymore to encourage an exchange, but he still does it anyway.

On the other hand, my boyfriend is telling me how much more he is doing for the relationship than I am. Yet, I am the one that plans the majority of dates and sacrificed part of my career. He has never sacrificed anything for me. In hindsight, I shouldn’t have ever made such a move, but he said he wouldn’t do long distance, and I genuinely thought he was the one. Also, his parents are constantly being two faced and complaining to him about me behind my back. I hate that it’s taken this stupid crush for me to be unsure of this relationship as it feels wrong, but here I am.

I feel like running away every day because I can’t take where I am in life. I was starting to get my life on track, yet I am such an emotional wreck after all this. I don’t know how I can or will recover. I guess I will just have to be content that I have no property or kids attached to him, if I decide that the relationship isn’t working out.

I am looking for a mix of a handhold and some advice. I can’t tell anybody about this in real life, because it will inevitably mess my life up even more. The few people I trust know the coworker as well, so it just couldn’t happen.

Everything you’ve said indicates that this relationship will end sooner or later, it’s just a matter of how much heartache you are going to go through until then.

If you moved for him, can you go back home? That would get you away from your own bad relationship and stop you being able to do anything to fuck up anyone else’s.

My boyfriend said that he loves me and puts up a lot for me. We have a lot in common and have similar life goals, albeit possibly on different time lines. I am worried about a lot in the moment, but one of those is that his parents are going to be a deciding factor in breaking us up.

Are you fairly young? It's ok that relationships end. The one you're in is not a keeper and the married guy should be given the widest possible swerve. The feeling you have can only be "fancying" as you don't remember knowing him. It doesn't add up to much and won't last. Take control, don't wait for the boyfriend to end it. You do it and then revel in being a kick ass woman who runs her own life. Completely forget me married guy and any others for now.

I am 27, so not too young. Not old in the grand scheme of things, but definitely feel too old to go dating again. Just feeling really conflicted about the relationship. I know I presented a one-sided picture of the relationship, but those issues are bugging me quite a lot now.

No nothing has happened with the colleague. We have only spoken 3 times and it was always professional. I think I came here to talk myself out of it.

I had a really powerful crush on this guy that I had never felt to anyone before. That got me questioning a lot of things as it felt out of the norm.

We have only seen each other in person. There were a lot of flirtatious looks and such. Perhaps he assumed that it was all for fun, but then I caught feelings and he backed off. Either way, this guy won’t be a part of my life now unless he has to.

Really, why is your life ruined (or not) by who you are shagging (or not)? You're a grown adult. What about your career, your friends, your interests and beliefs? Expecting men to make you happy is a road to misery.

I have read your other recent posts about this.

• You are 27 and have been with your 23 year old b/f for 4 years - so since he was only 19.
• He has told you he does not want to get married under 30 years old.
• You know three people who have become engaged within a month.
• You fancy a married man who you have spoken with only professionally, three times, there was some 'flirtatious looks', and he has already 'backed off'.

You are being unreasonable in several ways:
Unreasonable to your boyfriend for keep trying to push him into something he does not want to do. Under duress, if he commits to you in the way you want, it will not sustain. He perhaps already feels you have a wandering eye.
Unreasonable in even thinking about starting an affair with a married man.
Unreasonable to your boyfriend in not ending the relationship with him before wanting to jump to another man.
Unreasonable to think if your "powerful crush" will be faithful to you, if he's prepared to be unfaithful to his wife.
Unreasonable to yourself for being so clingy to your current b/f or to some fantasy relationship with a married man.

Everything in your posts screams that your current relationship will not last and the last thing you should be thinking of is bringing an innocent child into the equation. You need to jump ship now before it sinks and learn to stand on your own two feet.

You need to stop playing with other people’s lives.
Leave your poor boyfriend, and spend some good time out of any romantic relationship. Get your head straight. Make some better decisions which will move your life on. Be better.

Me and my boyfriend recently had a heart to heart conversation, and he said that he doesn’t know if he will be ready into his 30s. That made me alarmed and uncomfortable about the prospect of staying with him for many many years and no commitment. Towards the beginning of the relationship, he was much more forward planning, but then stopped wanting to think ahead. I get it, he was young. But he acted a lot more mature than most guys that age. Guess I was wrong about it. This guy (married man, who I am trying to step away from) symbolised a guy who had his life together and was more ready for commitment. I guess that is why my brain got tricked so easily.

Wish I had just avoided all this and went out with someone closer to my age, but I cannot change the past.

You need a grip on yourself hen.

Split with the boyfriend. Your hearts not in it.

And leave the married man alone. Have a bit of respect for yourself and his wife

I do. I stopped flirting when I realised he was taken.

You're only 27?!?! End the relationship. Change jobs. Start fresh. Youve time.

I know this is going to sound defeatist, but I know that my presence isn’t valued by anyone anymore. I am considering ending my life, since it is in such a dark place. I have no real life support, apart from my boyfriend, and people who have backstabbed me. I hoped one day I could be more happy, but I guess it was too much to hope. I am sorry if I triggered anyone on this. I understand that the topic of affairs can really upset people. I wish that the guy who started flirting with me was considerate of how his actions were affecting others.

You feel in a mess but you are so young and with options. Speak to your gp, ask for counselling urgently. Make a plan to change all paths you are now on.

This job was always temporary, which is what motivated me (initially) to go after this guy. With my motivation so low though, I feel pretty stuck.

At university accommodation. We were part of the same friend group. I did a year abroad, and didn’t have friends to move in with the year after.

Starting from scratch and going home to toxic parents feels like an impossible move right now.

You can change your future. There’s some good advice here, read it and perhaps take some of it.