Are you happy with your life?

[BexAubs20]

I’m 37, nor sure if I’m having a midlife crisis or what but I’m so deeply unhappy! With my weight, appearance, house, financial position. I have an amazing family of 4 children, a good career, half decent husband. I do my best for them all but it never seems good enough. I just thought I’d be in a better/ happier position in life by now. Anyone else feel this way?

I think as we get older we realise it’s a case of being happy with what you have that is good. I always used to feel that I was different and not happy. I now feel that there are parts of my life which are very much less than ideal but am content with the things that are good. Children are very demanding and as they grew up I found it became easier to be contented. What is it particularly you feel unhappy about?

If someone came along with a magic wand and said you could change three things about yourself, what would you choose?

How old are your DC? A good career and 4 DC is not easy to juggle. I'm not surprised you sometimes find it hard.

Yes this is what I need to work on, being happy & grateful with what I’ve got. I work 3 days a week - long days in a very stressful all consuming job. Then on my 4 days off I look after my toddler and do all the household jobs. It just gets me so p*ssed off that I have to re do this jobs. For eg, spent the weekend stripping, washing, drying and putting back on the large L shaped sofa covers the other weekend. Now it’s messy with food and stains again so I’ve had to hoover and scrub it. I suppose I feel unseen / undervalued/ taken for granted. It’s our wedding anniversary today, I’d took the afternoon off work and booked a meal with my husband but he has to work. Fair enough but I’m still disappointed and spending the day off cleaning when I could have been getting paid to be at work. We could of celebrated this weekend, but it’s my sons birthday so whole weekend is going to be taken up with his friends staying over (trashing the house and garden) which I’ll also spend a small fortune on feeding and entertaining them. My son is in a mood with me because I wouldn’t buy him an electric bike (he’s 13) I just feel like nothing I do makes anyone happy so what’s the point because I’m also making myself miserable by trying!!

I’d like to loose 2 stone
have a nicer, bigger, posh show home
have more time, money & energy to do things I enjoy

My eldest daughter is 18 next month, son 13 at the weekend. Daughter just turned 3 and 15yr old step daughter.

Do you have 4 kids or a family of 4? I think it sounds like you're doing too much. I have 2 kids and a full time job and my standards are seriously low. I don't punish myself for that.

I lost my Mum last year and it puts everything into perspective really, I'm grateful for my kids and my cat and the bar of chocolate I have when they are asleep 🤣 it's hard to reframe your mindset when you are so knackered with it all and I do feel like that sometimes, mainly at that time of the month!

Apologies only just seen your update above

I’m not being flippant, but have you tried caring less? Sometimes, it’s the only thing that helps me.

So what if you 13 year old is stroppy- he’s fed, safe, and cared for. He's not going to die from whinging. Get him the bike and he’ll be moaning about something else next month.

Focus on what you can control. What’s the financial issue?

4 kids - family of 6! Yes I think I’m peri menapause too. Plus I have dyslexia and PMDD so it’s not easy.

OP I hear you. I am a couple years older, three small kids and work full time, ‘good’ job, well paid. It’s relentless and overwhelming and I hear you on the futility of sorting shit out around the house for it to be destroyed almost immediately! And then the guilt for not enjoying what I truly know is our good fortune.

A couple of things that might help would be a cleaner and weight loss injections. How does that sound to you|?|

I've realised that no matter what I have, I'm still going to suffer from depression.

Haha... me too! But that ain't going to happen,

so I'll pootle along merrily, fat, frumpy, menopausal in my house stuffed with other people's crap.

Because if I stop and think about it all I'd be miserable.

And that doesn't actually fix anything.

If your husband is only half decent, then maybe that is the problem.

If your husband is only half decent, then maybe that is the problem.

I’ve tried getting weight loss injections privately from 3 different pharmacies and they won’t give me them because my “BMI doesn’t match my photos” I used to have a cleaner but she changed jobs. I need to get a new one really but tbh it didn’t make much difference. I still needed to clean on my days off. I was just a lot more skint each month. Plus it meant tidying up rushing around before or after work for her to come.

Very true!

Yes, although my daily living is limited by my moderate CP so I have to pace myself
I have a wonderful Westie who enriches my life beyond measure and I pay for a daily dog walker
I have 3 amazing sons and a beautiful DiL living within 20 mile radius who would do literally anything for me, including funding another place if it became to expensive to live here( leasehold) Sell this and they would top up to buy a suitable place as this is adapted
i have one lovely local friend living 5 minutes walk away, we meet for coffee and go on day trips.
i have local supermarkets and everything I need.
At 60, having been through many adverse experiences I am truly content with my lot

Go to a high street pharmacy where they can check your weight for themselves then such as Boots or Morrisons.

Yes that’s a good idea actually

Same. It’s so hard!

No one's happy all the time but I'm content. Life isn't a fairy tale , you need to appreciate what you have.

I am really truly happy with my life, my husband and I were just talking a few days ago and saying we both just feel so so content with how life looks right now. We have good stable jobs, we have a beautiful little girl, we’re expecting our second baby, we have a house that we love and works perfectly for us, we have our health, we both have hobbies we enjoy, we have a holiday in a couple of weeks to look forward to and we’re able to spend our weekends having fun as a family. Our lives aren’t perfect, we don’t live in a 6 bedroom mansion that is show home tidy and clean all of the time, we don’t spend 6 months of the year cruising the Caribbean, we’re not millionaires, but the life we have is perfect for us and it’s the one we built for ourselves and we’re so proud and happy with that.

It’s never too late to make changes though e.g. fitness

Yes, yes I am now.

I was miserable for 20 plus years. I was married to a man who I loved as a friend, but I wasn't 'in love' with him. I was about to turn 50 and getting more and more depressed. I would lie in bed and sob while he snored next to me in blissful ignorance.

So, I decided I needed to change my life. You only get one shot at it after all.

I wish you the best OP. Maybe you are perimenopausal, stressed out, hormonal, unappreciated ..... peed off. All these things. But I bet your family, if you asked them, do appreciate you, and they love you. You are rich in many ways.