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Original poster

Are you happy with your life?

60 replies

BexAubs20 · 03/06/2025 12:52

I’m 37, nor sure if I’m having a midlife crisis or what but I’m so deeply unhappy! With my weight, appearance, house, financial position. I have an amazing family of 4 children, a good career, half decent husband. I do my best for them all but it never seems good enough. I just thought I’d be in a better/ happier position in life by now. Anyone else feel this way?

OP posts:
IsThisLifeNow · 04/06/2025 10:51

midsummabreak · 03/06/2025 23:02

BrewCake
wish I could wave a magic wand to bring you much joy today. Can’t but here is a sad internet wandDaffodilflower? Love your honesty- I’ve been there and it’s like the other pp were saying- a blackness that surrounds- Would you trust a GP who you can talk to ? Sometimes it’s worth the wait and reduce pressure, seeking help first Flowers

Show quote history

the sad internet wand flower has made me smile, so thank you for that. I've generally been doing ok or so I thought, I've got a therapy session booked in for next week so I'll think I'll see how that goes and then think about going to the GP, either to be referred for more therapy or for antidepressants. Although I don't know if they would help because they can't fix the big thing I'm depressed over, I'll have a think though

Jenkibuble · 04/06/2025 16:18

DifferenceBetweenAChickpeaAndALentil · 03/06/2025 13:12

I’m not being flippant, but have you tried caring less? Sometimes, it’s the only thing that helps me.

So what if you 13 year old is stroppy- he’s fed, safe, and cared for. He's not going to die from whinging. Get him the bike and he’ll be moaning about something else next month.

Focus on what you can control. What’s the financial issue?

Edited

Yes, I find the 'care less' attitude works well . Pick your battles etc

I have found myself getting too emotionally invested in other people's lives in the past and I can not control their lives. So now I will advise / say my bit once and then detatch myself.

Jenkibuble · 04/06/2025 16:23

Bownessbay · 03/06/2025 14:05

Are you on social media? I feel less happy when I spend time on that, so have just closed my account actually. I did previously for a few years then got sucked back in for a family connection thing, but find it just isn't healthy seeing the privileged parts of so many other people's lives. It's hard not to compare or feel a bit envious of multiple big holidays per year when I'm scrimping and saving for a UK break as a single parent! And that's just one example.

But of course, you need to treat your depression, as no positive thinking can change brain chemistry, so sending a hug and hope you are being supported with it.

I think we all have times where we feel unhappy and it's easy for the house to get on top of me and stress me out, but I think caring less as another poster said is important, as it'll never be perfect (the house or life!) and it is a waste of time focusing so much energy on it.

I know for me the essentials take long enough anyway, but now if there isn't something urgent that needs doing, I try and do something nice for myself such as a walk, sit in the garden or read, rather than giving all my free time to the sodding house. If there's a hobby or similar you can commit to once a week that would give you some space away too and a bit of time for yourself. Maybe swimming or a walking group?

That said, if you can talk with your H and older kids and put some rules in place so it's not all left to you, that'll probably do wonders for your wellbeing too.

Ditto, social media.

I find it very liberating and no FOMO etc as I have no clue what I am missing.

REAL friends will stay in touch

viktoria · 04/06/2025 16:44

Be kind to yourself. It sounds like you are doing a great job.
I remember my late 30s when my kids were younger and it all just felt so relentless.
(And I only have two children)
Life has certainly got easier for me since then - I hope it will do for you too.

You mentioned depression - are you on medication?
And weight loss jabs can be life changing. Definitely investigate those two meds.
All the best

cupfinalchaos · 04/06/2025 17:09

You may not truely appreciate what you have yet.. that might come later, for example when your kids meet lovely partners and are close, giving you a close extended family.

Nothing is perfect in anyone’s life. My two are now adults and I have financial stability and don’t work, but my kids don’t get on neither do their partners.. things might be hard for you at the moment, but they could change.. it won’t always be like this.

midsummabreak · 05/06/2025 12:38

IsThisLifeNow · 04/06/2025 10:51

the sad internet wand flower has made me smile, so thank you for that. I've generally been doing ok or so I thought, I've got a therapy session booked in for next week so I'll think I'll see how that goes and then think about going to the GP, either to be referred for more therapy or for antidepressants. Although I don't know if they would help because they can't fix the big thing I'm depressed over, I'll have a think though

Show quote history

Yes there no easy answers for shit times. If life brings us crap, no matter how we disguise it, hide from it, or try to jolly along and dress it up in wrapping paper and bow, it’s still a piece of crap. I hope you find plenty of joy and peace soon and life is kinder to you and family

WhatATimeToBeAlive · 05/06/2025 12:41

BexAubs20 · 03/06/2025 13:10

I’d like to loose 2 stone
have a nicer, bigger, posh show home
have more time, money & energy to do things I enjoy

Show quote history

What three things wouldn't you change? These are the things you should focus on.

midsummabreak · 05/06/2025 12:50

Good luck with your goals, BexAubs hope that works with recording weight at a high street pharmacy. I’m also thinking I want to try going down the same path as I’m a high bmi & it’s not great for health if I keep avoiding doing something that works

HobbyHorse30 · 05/06/2025 12:53

Incredibly. And I say that not to gloat, but as a reminder that you can go from things feeling like utter shite to pretty excellent with (sometimes) only a few small things turning around. Some of that is due to trying to change things, some of it is down to sheer good luck, and some of it is down to actively reminding myself that some difficult/uncomfortable things don’t equate to my life being shit, despite what my brain might try to tell me.

Circumstances ebb and flow, and the one thing you can control is your expectations (and your resilience, which then means it’s actually two things!)

Dodgejam · 17/06/2025 18:06

Op I was on your other thread where you had had to give up work and was basically bed bound, so if you’re back to working and being up and about… that is a major major improvement. Presumably all the tests came back clear? Either way, given where you were and how physically active you now seem…. That’s a HUGE step forward

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