I hate having kids. TW: suicide attempt

[NameChange6479]

I’m 26 year old single mum with a 3 year old DS and a 4 year old DD.

My DS has complex needs due to a rare genetic disorder which presents itself as an intellectual disability. He has so many issues that I won’t even go into as I’ll be here all day. My DD also has SEN and will be going to a special school this September. Both are non/pre verbal.

Day to day life is EXHAUSTING. So many meltdowns, lack of understanding from both children, constant verbal stims and sensory issues. I’m overstimulated all day everyday and I hate everything that comes with having these children.

I had my first ever suicide attempt in December 2024 which was obviously unsuccessful. I’m currently going having CBT to help with depression and anxiety and it’s made me realise that I’ve had these negative thoughts and feelings since I first got pregnant in 2020. There’s genuinely no escaping how I feel because I hate my life.

There’s no support from social care as they literally do not give a fuck. The children with disabilities team also couldn’t give two shits. I’m lucky enough to have support from my mum who now has my children two nights a week since my attempt. The children’s dad is involved and he has them when he can but none of this seems to help. I almost feel like my life would drastically improve if I didn’t have full time care of my children. I don’t know what to do anymore. I just hate this life that I’m stuck with. Thanks for reading

That’s really tough for anyone and you’re quite young. No help really. Are there any charities offering respite breaks?

I've no practical advice but sending warmth and sympathy. This must be so incredibly hard.

https://www.gov.uk/apply-short-term-care-for-child

https://www.barnardos.org.uk/get-support/support-for-parents-and-carers/short-break-care

www.nhs.uk/social-care-and-support/support-and-benefits-for-carers/carer-breaks-and-respite-care/

have you tried these?

I'm sorry you're feeling this way.

Have you tried Scope? They have a good helpline. What about a support group for your child's condition?

Can the children's father do more?

Are you involved with social services? If so, I’m very surprised the children haven’t been taken from you (and perhaps given to your mother temporarily) if you are suicidal. Can you ask for this to happen, just for some respite? Would your mum consider having them full time for a while?

What an absolutely disgusting and unhelpful response. The OP is clearly really struggling.

This really isn’t helpful. You’re talking to someone who is suicidal. Be a bit more empathetic ffs.

You’re an absolute shit @DiamondEyes976

@DiamondEyes976 seriously? OP sounds like she’s at the end of her tether and telling her she’s selfish is totally out of order. I work with people with learning disabilities and sometimes at the end of my shift I’m so glad to go home, I work 37 hours a week I could not imagine it 24/7 like the OP.

Fuck off telling an emotionally exhausted, suicidal person that they are selfish. What op needs is constructive support not destructive judgement

💔

I'm so sorry you are going through this OP. It's very, very difficult. I hope you find the support you need.

I know how difficult it must be for you.

I remember wanting to commit a crime so I could be put in jail to get a rest.

You must go back to social services and ask for a Carer’s assessment. By law, you are entitled to one. Doesn’t mean the local authority have to act on it but it is possible they will hear how desperate you are and arrange some decent respite for you.

Any parent will find having a three and four year old challenging at times but add in special needs and it gets so much harder.

Try: https://contact.org.uk

They may be able to help you.

Speak to your health visitor. Check to see if: https://www.home-start.org.uk/ work in your area.

Please don’t do anything drastic. Your children need you and I promise it will get easier.

It was a mistake to post this. Sorry

Please remove yourself from this thread. What a vile thing to post.

Please do not listen to that fuckwit.

I couldn't do half of what you are doing. I hope you get get some good ideas and support from the thread.

@NameChange6479 you are entirely valid in how you feel - this is so so hard and if I knew you I would come straight round and make you tea tonight and have your kids so you could have a break. Please keep talking to us here and anyone in real life you know. You are not alone in feeling as you do; and you are allowed to feel anything that comes.

Sensing you a huge hug and all the light in the world xoxoxo

I'm so sorry to hear this. I know you shouldn't have to but please keep pushing for support. I totally understand that that is just another task in a long list of them! But you and the children are all worth it and totally deserve support. Unfortunately it is often those who shout loudest who get the most help. Ask for a different SW/member of staff, speak to managers. Don't make it easy for them (they will not be intentionally being crap, they will be massively overworked). And yes, as above, look into other sources of support (or get your mum to help with that).

Good luck and I'm rooting for you.

@NameChange6479 its not a mistake to post. Hopefully you can follow up and get support. You will have to keep telling social services how much at breaking point you are or they won’t do anything.

Op please reach out to someone in real life you are not selfish at all you are human. Please don't do anything.

Please ignore the totally heartless keyboard warrior who posted above and listen to the other posters who responded with kindness, OP.

I can't offer advice, so I hope a virtual hug will help, but probably not.

I’m really sorry you’re struggling OP, having 2 children of those ages is exhausting as it is nevermind adding in additional needs in both cases.

Have you had a look at any local charities to see if any offer form of respite care if you’re not able to get anywhere via the main routes?

For example I know there’s a small charity where we are which has it’s own building and specially trained volunteers, they help out parents much like yourself who desperately need a break by having the kids dropped off for a couple of hours. It might be worth looking into locally to see if you have anything similar?

I’m so sorry OP, this is a lot for anyone to deal with let alone still being so young. Other than one dick head you have a lot of us here who are willing to listen and support you. It will get better, 3 and 4 are such difficult ages and obviously more so with additional needs