help me please!!! I am panicing........ mental health unit have just called......

[jingleyjen]

They want to come and see me this afternoon.
At home,
I wasn't ready for their call,
am in a blind spin,
what am I supposed to do with the kids?
Dh doesn't think he is going to be able to come,
I am not ready
I want to call them back

My Mum has just arrived....

Fuck Fuck!!

feeling the spiral going down again

Jingley, you haven't wasted anyone's time. You need the help and you seem to have been incredibly brave about all this.

I was really moved by this thread, particularly by the relative calm and serenity you showed just after the psychiatrist's visit. You are completely entitled to this help.

If you decide to go anywhere with his suggestions about going to the police, make sure that it is for you. You don't need to feel guilty about other women being hurt. Only the attacker has that guilt.

don't know what I feel, feeling like it is getting the better of me again.
I am doubting myself,
I am beginning to think I should be away from the boys again,

Jen so sorry to hear you are feeling so bad again.

I thought that the psychiatrist was due to see you yesterday - was there some sort of misunderstanding? He would not have deliberately failed to contact you/turn up just because he thought someone else was "more deserving" of his time.

Have you been giving any "out of hours numbers"? - something like a mental health helpline or crisis team - the exact service will vary according to where you live.

JJ - Did they give you the number for the crisis team?

You boys are not better off withpout you in their lives. They need you more than you can imagine. I have been where you are and can assure you that although it may seem clear to you, that the last thing they would want is life without mummy.

You can get though this, even though there seems to be no light at the end of the tunnel.

Just imagine them laughing as you push them on the swings

Jen please come back if you feel able to and let us know how you are feeling?

I know things are very hard for you at the moment. It is not unusual to feel a little better/relieved (as you seemed to after your recent appt) and then to suddenly dive back down again and feel really low.

We are thinking of you.

am festering, will go to bed in a mo so I don't have to be awake. Just feel like sobbing.

Would sobbing be better than festering?

We are here should you need us.

You can do this.

Are you able to sleep (and stay asleep?)

If so then that is probably the best plan...what you are going through will cause you to feel physically exhausted as well as mentally and emotionally.

If you are able to, try and think of ways of distracting yourself when the feelings and the pressures get too much for you. Obviously this will depend on your usual hobbies or whatever, but if you are able to read, listen to music (or whatever, these are just examples off the top of my head) then this may help a tiny bit.

You are being so strong. You may not feel like it but you are. Feelings are unreliable at times iykwim. Try and spend time with people who can encourage you and support you, even if only on here.

xx

JJ - I hope you have managed some sleep.

How are you feeling this morning? Please call the mental health team and let them know how you are feeling.

Remeber your boys are better off with a mummy and they want and need you.

so sorry about last night.
I collapsed into a sobbing heap with DH, He had come home to find the boys digging up his flowers, then once the boys were in bed it was all I could do to turn on the remote for the telly, Dh had to forage for dinner and I haven't been to sainsbury's so there was very little for him to work with, there was just enough milk for the boys bedtime.
He then tripped out to sainsbury's to get Milk Bread and Butter.
How crap.. I just haven't kept up with things. I thought I had done really well, I cleared the ironing pile, I cleaned the kitchen but still missed the basics.
anyway, trying to stay calm today.
Thanks again for your kind words.

Jen don't apologise. Sometimes when you have a good/better day it gets your hopes up...then if the next day or two are crap/not so good it really can knock your confidence.

If you cleared the ironing pile and cleaned the kitchen you have done more than a lot of us have managed I am sure.

I bet your dh much preferred nipping out to get bread and milk rather than the risk of the ironing and kitchen cleaning (I know I would!)

I often text my dh to ask him to get bits from Asda at lunchtime or on way home.

I think you are doing really well considering what you have been through these past few days.

I think that things are becoming clearer, I have to sort this out myself, the more day to day life carries on, the more obvious it is to me.
I will talk to him when he comes on Tuesday but with a potential 6 month waiting list it is clear that I am not going to get the help I have asked for in time, all this will be firmly in a suitcase under the bed waiting to explode again.. I can't do that.
Sorry for being self indulgent. I am not going to do anything that you should worry about but I am not going to post anymore on this.

I'm glad you're feeling stronger. Been away a coupe of days, but I was thinking about you on and off.

If you cleared the ironing pile, I'd say you're a star

thanks lw.
I'm so tired of it all. It is all too much.
not sure what is going to happen.

I know I said I wouldn't post about it anymore, but I have no one to tell...
He is coming at 3pm I have been useless all day, this level of anxiety can't be good.
Am breathing deeply, trying to calm down, DS2 is having a nap and DS1 is watching tv.
sorry for self indulgent whinge.

is there anyway you could grab a bath to relax?i dont know really what to suggest so sorry if im talking crap.ill be thinking of you.you are very brave

Thanks ladies,
Well he has gone, I feel shakey,
it is going to be a 6 month wait for CBT.
he has changed his mind about giving me anxiety meds for the time being as he feels I am not in a good place to run the risk of the side effects.
He has given me various numbers to call and asked me to put them on the pin board where Dh knows where they are.
He has also given me a list of private CBT practitioners to try.
He also gave me a list of different people to try if I want to deal with some of the more intimate problems DH and I are having as a result.
He is going to write to me with the details of our conversations for the last 2 weeks that I can give the next person I see so that I don't have to pick through the wreckage time and time again.
DH is on the phone to BUPA to see if we can reclaim some of the costs.

Well......
Bupa will help, if... I go through another assessment with their psychiatrist, to then be passed onto someone else to have to go through it all again.
It wouldn't be so bad but in order to stay on the NHS wait list I have to go for another assessment with a NHS consultant so potentially I have to pick through this carcass 4 more times in order to get a therapy which will be forward thinking and not looking back picking over the carcass!
Sorry, I know I should just be bloody pleased that I have the option of going through Bupa rather than having to sit and fester for 6 months... just ranting!