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Mental health

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Original poster

help me please!!! I am panicing........ mental health unit have just called......

100 replies

jingleyjen · 16/05/2008 09:27

They want to come and see me this afternoon.
At home,
I wasn't ready for their call,
am in a blind spin,
what am I supposed to do with the kids?
Dh doesn't think he is going to be able to come,
I am not ready
I want to call them back

My Mum has just arrived....

Fuck Fuck!!

OP posts:

onepieceoflollipop · 18/05/2008 21:49

It's interesting that whilst they have not exactly been x-posts, 3 of the most recent posts on here (inc one of mine) say things like not rushing into a decision about the police, and not pressurising yourself to make a decision as things are at the moment.

lucyellensmum · 18/05/2008 21:50

i agree with nappies about the letter too, im not sure what you would achieve by sending this as it might make you feel guilty about the other person. Of course they should have helped but,,,

I hope that you manage to sort things out i really really do - you sound such a strong and together person actually, to survive all of that, get married and have children - that in itself has shown that the person who did this too you cannot hurt you anymore and has certainly not won - you should be very proud of yourself.

Original poster

jingleyjen · 18/05/2008 21:51

The thing is TC I am not depressed, not at all, all my feelings of self loathing and feeling I shouldn't be here are very clear, it is a problem and I need to deal with it but not depressed..
I have to deal with this because the alternative isn't worth contemplating.
Sorry I know that is heavy, it is just the way things are at the moment.

OP posts:

TotalChaos · 18/05/2008 21:58

sorry, I shouldn't have jumped to conclusion that you were depressed. You do sound though as if you aren't in the right mental place right now to do things you feel very uncomfortable with. Have you thought of speaking to rape crisis about how you are feeling now and/or decision to speak to the police? possibly they would be rather more used to the police issue than the psych you saw.

lucyellensmum · 18/05/2008 21:58

for you you cannot contemplate this else he will have one.

Original poster

jingleyjen · 18/05/2008 22:00

sorry TC I didn't mean to be sharp....

OP posts:

TotalChaos · 18/05/2008 22:01

no probs.

Original poster

jingleyjen · 18/05/2008 22:01

never thought of speaking to rape crisis people... do you think they would be happy to talk to me so many years later?

OP posts:

onepieceoflollipop · 18/05/2008 22:02

Absolutely you could contact them. I am sure lots of women feel unable to seek support until a long time afterwards.

Original poster

jingleyjen · 18/05/2008 22:05

I am seeing the psychiatrist again on Tuesday so will see what he thinks about it... he was going off to find out how long it would take for me to get CBT throught the NHS.
I can't stand the idea that once again having asked for help it isn't going to be there - for 6 months that will feel like when I asked for help before and didn't get it.

OP posts:

NappiesGalore · 18/05/2008 22:07

jingley - im here for you atm. you sound really in a lot of confusion about it all and i can only say, yep, been there. still not much further on than you, but i dont feel it plays on my mind much atm...
dont know how you'll feel about it, but one thing ive found extremely helpful in coming to terms with all this stuff is reading germaine greer talking about rape. she says some stuff which sounds shocking at first... but i have found immensely comforting and healing.

about the police statemrnt; it wont be a protracted process. you'll give a statement and that will be it. there is v v little chance any prosecution will be attempted, so you can relax that that ordeal is unlikely. i like what someone said; that going to the police and making this statement or not gives you the power. the power to say it or not.
IF you want to do it, i dont think it will be the tsart of some big process - it'll just be it. making your statement, saying your piece, NOT being silenced. i think that sounds pretty powerful. and possibly helpful.

speak to victim support. i think theyll be supportive and helpful, let you know the practicalities of what to expect.

its a complicated layering of shame isnt it? rape and then keeping quiet about it. try to imagine saying out load each of the negative feelings and the attached thought process as though a friend were saying it to you. and imagine your response. and heres the hardest bit of advice to follow; be kind to yourself. x

onepieceoflollipop · 18/05/2008 22:09

That is one of my frustrations at working in the NHS. I spend time with many clients (some in similar positions to you) and they are so ready to accept help and after pouring their hearts out we find the waiting list is x months. It is so frustrating.

Sorry I know that isn't much practical use to you, just trying to support you and I agree with what you are saying.

Original poster

jingleyjen · 18/05/2008 22:10

am going to go to bed
thanks for listening...
NG I hope you find peace soon

OP posts:

TotalChaos · 18/05/2008 22:14

my friend had very useful counselling from Rape Crisis after she was attacked - so if there is a lengthy waiting list, could be something you could ask about in the meantime.

NappiesGalore · 19/05/2008 08:03

thinking of you this morning JJ

RubyRioja · 19/05/2008 08:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

onepieceoflollipop · 19/05/2008 11:24

RubyRioja managed to word what I was trying to say so much better.

What a thoughtful post.

NappiesGalore · 19/05/2008 13:13

yes i agree with ruby wholeheartedly too.

Original poster

jingleyjen · 19/05/2008 15:58

Oh you are all amazing,
I am totally indebted to you all, being able to vent anonymously on here is such a fabulous thing.. As you know there are a few people who know in RL but I still feel it is easier to be honest with you all.
Thank you for your support which ever way I go.. I really don't know but I guess after 23 years whats another few weeks.months to make up my mind.

OP posts:

littlewoman · 20/05/2008 22:08

Hello JinglyJen, this happened to me about a year and a half ago. It was a male friend of my friend's - date rape.

I reported it to the doctor, but not the police. Had just split up with xh, could not face another huge emotional battle after my divorce. Many people told me he could do it again and I said that if somebody else reported him, I would be willing to say he did it to me too. But I did not want to be the one at the front of the queue making all the accusations and taking the majority of the crap, being called a liar and a fantasist by his lawyers, etc. So I never reported it.

If it is possible to merely make it known to the police, without them bringing up a trial etc, I think I might think about that. Other girls do need protecting. But do we have to put ourselves in the firing line in order to protect others? That is a very scary thought.

Original poster

jingleyjen · 20/05/2008 22:33

Thank you LW I am sorry you have been through that, how horrific for you, I do kind of think it must be worse to know the person and to have trusted them in the past
Have you regretted your decision not to take things further?

Am feeling quite down today about it all, the psychiatrist hasn't called back, I feel like he has left me in no mans land, I have picked the scab and am waiting to get a plaster.

OP posts:

littlewoman · 21/05/2008 11:15

Yes, in a way I do regret it because you feel 'responsible' for anyone else he might do it to, don't you? Because you knew, and didn't stop it by going to the police. But at the same time, I might be the only person he assaulted (not that I'm so damn gorgeous that I am likely to be the only one he found irresistible ).

If I am the only person he did it to, well, I lived and I want to forget about it.

But if I'm not, I do owe society something don't I? I don't live in a vacuum, so I'm a bit about what to do. I might ring up and have a hypothetical discussion with the police about it. I shouldn't like it to happen to one of my teenage girls. We do have some duty to society, but it's so much more personal than reporting a mugging. It's like a dirty secret you don't want to get out.

Anyway, enough of me. I think you've shown enormous courage, despite your obvious fear. Call the psychiatrist if he doesn't call you. Society owes you something too, jinglyjen. We are all here to care for and about each other, after all.

Original poster

jingleyjen · 21/05/2008 11:58

I called this morning, he is coming to see me next tuesday.
I know he has other people to deal with, I just think it makes it more clear that I shouldn't have wasted his time
I have some decisions to make.

OP posts:

TheMadHouse · 21/05/2008 18:19

Jen, maybe he is also giving you time to completely think things over.

You have NOT wasted anyones time.

iwillNOTletthisbeatme · 21/05/2008 18:22

just wanted to leave you a hug of support.ive been thinking about you>>

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