I can't go on

[MsGoodenough]

I can't kil myself because of DD 10 but I can't go on. I'm on ADs, have therapy, have supportive friends. Everything people recommend I've already tried. I have a responsible job which I'm failing at. But my job is essential to my mental health (teacher who normally hates the holidays). I have some prep work to do before tomorrow that I can't do. But I have to. I have to fight through. I always have before, but I seem to be giving up. If I lose my job I lose everything. DP and I are splitting up. Everything is a mess.

My work are very supportive but won't be indefinitely

Sounds like you’re going through a split - and all the changes that entails both emotionally and practically. This would
be difficult for anyone. So please be compassionate to yourself. Think of how you’d support a friend going through this.

You also have lots of positives on your side - a good job, a good social network and a raison d’etre - your daughter.

Take each day at a time - and it’s ok if you don’t manage to do your prep/ job perfectly - sometimes success in life is just about ‘holding on’ for a while.

can you talk to your principal? The weekend before going back to school was always massively stressful without any added difficulties. Can you get yourself through the next 24 hours? Once you’re back in the swing of your working week it won’t feel so insurmountable. And if it does it might be necessary to take some time off to get your head sorted x

Baby steps my lovely. Your name is a good reminder. Anything you do doesn't need to be perfect, it just needs to be "good enough".

There are lots of different things that can help, so I can't say what will work for you, but I have found taking 10 mins a day for mindfulness invaluable - I do mine as part of my going to bed routine and use Calm, but there are lots of free things on YouTube too. It helps me stop catastrophising.

Also, keeping a gratitude journal - sounds daft, but at the end of the day each day note down one good thing about that day. Can be anything. I've even got "had a lovely cup of tea" on my list! Then when I'm struggling I look back over the list and it helps me get perspective, that there ARE good things in my life, however small - they do build up.

What do you want your life to look like? Make a list and think about how to get there - teeny tiny steps all help. For instance when I'm struggling with my mental health my diet goes to shit! Even eating a carrot, or having a tomato makes me feel like I am making better food choices, and makes me feel that bit better about myself.

Hang on in there and remember you are good enough. X

Thank you. I really don't believe I am. I want to give up.

Don't you have an inset day tomorrow? Bit more chilled, wear your jeans etc?

Hope you feel better. You are going through a very hard time at the minute. Make sure you cut yourself some slack and take support where you can get it. Good luck 👍

No. Straight in. Also have a rehearsal for a show I'm putting on and I'm tempted to cancel. Another failure.

It's me that wanted to split with my partner. We are best friends but not in love. Room mates. I should just stay with him as I can't cope. I am driving him a way but I am no fit state to rent/buy a flat on my own.

Ahhh. Hated when that happened because I always needed time to get my head back in the right frame of mind for teaching. Can someone take over the production at the minute. You are not a failure you are in an emotional storm at the minute and never forget a storm passes....

Evening.
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Mental Health page.
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

Sorry you're feeling so rubbish OP. You know what, I don't believe that you've failed but I know at the moment you really do think you have. But even if you had, that's OK! You can fail at things and still be lovable, loved, worthwhile and valuable. We all fail at stuff, all the time in little ways and time to time in bigger ways - relationships go wrong, jobs go wrong, we make decisions that we regret - it's honestly part of the deal of being a human being that we're going to mess up sometimes and fail sometimes - and it's absolutely OK. Take your time, lean on your friends and your work, trust that you won't always feel this terrible. I've been where you are and I absolutely didn't believe it would get better - until somehow it did. Hang on, an hour at a time.

Ok. Lots stuff coming at you from all over the place, job, relationship, money. Just stop for a minute . Step out side all the thoughts as is stepping out of a circle. Just observe the whirlwind around you and breath. Do not emotionally react just watch it like on the tele. Now control what you can at the minute and that's your breathing. 5 mins at least..

I'm going swimming but nothing planned for tomorrow. I am in a state of total terror.

I really felt this post. I'm in a very similar position at the moment.
I'm about to fail at yet another job because of burn out and a horrible mini breakdown. I'm in a newish relationship so don't have support there. No reliable family support.
I genuinely feel, even taking out the "drama" of a depressive episode that my life isn't worth living. I have nothing. Rent my home, failed marriage and then another failed engagement, no career, no savings, no pension, and every new episode sets back any progress I've made. I have 1 child but desperately want another - perimenopause and no stable job/ relationship means that's probably impossible.
Genuinely don't want to carry on. Not in a flouncy or depressed way I just don't see the point.

Oh. Go and batter out some lengths. Yes!!!!. I would be calling in sick tomorrow, speak to you GP explaining how you feel as you have here so eloquently and relax. School will be fine.Yes I know the teacher guilt etc but now is not the time.

I know if I call in sick tomorrow I'll be in a panic all day. I have to do this but I think I will need to cancel the show. I just need to decide who is in which scene but even that is too much for me today.

Ok. Cancel the show. Not the end of the world. What can you control at the minute. Make a list. Breathing is one..., pick up the phone to someone. Teacher support line is open..

Thank you. I just feel like a terrible terrible person. I make other people's lives worse.

Oh no you don't. They can choose to do that all by themselves. You are not responsible for how other adults in their life feel. They have the freedom like you to choose. Not your problem.

You don’t sound like a terrible person to me OP For the moment cancel anything you don’t have to do. Ring your GP and explain how overwhelmed you’re feeling. Major life changes can knock us off our feet in a way we’re not prepared for. Things will settle but for now take a step back and concentrate on yourself and your child x

Absolutely agree with the last poster. I know the teacher thing. You become it don't you?. However you are still dispensible to a school but not your wee one.

No honey. You have not failed. You are enough as you are. All these things don't define you. I wouldn't look for things outside of you to validate you. You need to build your own self esteem and one that is stronger you will be better at setting boundaries.

Thank you. I have been almost splitting up with him for 20 years. I have destroyed him.

I've been trying to build my self esteem but I don't know how.