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Original poster

I can't go on

35 replies

MsGoodenough · 05/01/2025 16:28

I can't kil myself because of DD 10 but I can't go on. I'm on ADs, have therapy, have supportive friends. Everything people recommend I've already tried. I have a responsible job which I'm failing at. But my job is essential to my mental health (teacher who normally hates the holidays). I have some prep work to do before tomorrow that I can't do. But I have to. I have to fight through. I always have before, but I seem to be giving up. If I lose my job I lose everything. DP and I are splitting up. Everything is a mess.

OP posts:
AmberKoala · 05/01/2025 18:57

Hi again. No something/s in the relationship must have contributed to you trying to split from him for 20 years. This does not sound like suddenly feeling you need to split. It sounds like you have very black and white thinking. For example " I have destroyed him"?. Very extreme that it is all you. However I do not believe that could be the case? CBT will help a lot with this and counselling.

Original poster
MsGoodenough · 05/01/2025 19:24

You are so kind to keep coming back. I've had a lot of CBT and other therapy over the years
I just feel like a hopeless case.

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moggo · 05/01/2025 20:43

@MsGoodenough I am feeling the same way. Currently sat in pitch black car park in tears and don't want to go home. Massive argument with partner and feeling so depressed and hopeless. Don't see the point but I have two DCs so will keep going somehow. I have failed at life although I'm pretty sure friends would say I haven't. But I feel it.
All I have learnt is that somehow tomorrow may seem brighter or if not next week. We have got through all the shit before and will again. Big hugs to you x

Jenkibubble · 05/01/2025 21:18

MsGoodenough · 05/01/2025 16:28

I can't kil myself because of DD 10 but I can't go on. I'm on ADs, have therapy, have supportive friends. Everything people recommend I've already tried. I have a responsible job which I'm failing at. But my job is essential to my mental health (teacher who normally hates the holidays). I have some prep work to do before tomorrow that I can't do. But I have to. I have to fight through. I always have before, but I seem to be giving up. If I lose my job I lose everything. DP and I are splitting up. Everything is a mess.

Im an ex teacher - it’s a tough gig !
Can a Co teacher help with the show ?
Don’t try and reinvent the wheel with planning etc !
It’s good that school are supp9rrive - can you get some workplace assistance ? eg employee assistance ?

Original poster
MsGoodenough · 05/01/2025 21:30

I can't make even the most basic decision. I'm a hod and I can't make basic decisions. I only have one teacher in dept and she is sick of me. Terrified of going back. Won't sleep tonight.

OP posts:
Nantescalling · 05/01/2025 21:47

ELCismyspiritnana · 05/01/2025 17:38

I really felt this post. I'm in a very similar position at the moment.
I'm about to fail at yet another job because of burn out and a horrible mini breakdown. I'm in a newish relationship so don't have support there. No reliable family support.
I genuinely feel, even taking out the "drama" of a depressive episode that my life isn't worth living. I have nothing. Rent my home, failed marriage and then another failed engagement, no career, no savings, no pension, and every new episode sets back any progress I've made. I have 1 child but desperately want another - perimenopause and no stable job/ relationship means that's probably impossible.
Genuinely don't want to carry on. Not in a flouncy or depressed way I just don't see the point.

Check this out? https://www.facebook.com/groups/teachersbeatburnout

Original poster
MsGoodenough · 06/01/2025 22:46

Terrible day today. Just totally lost the mojo at work. My subordinate is walking all over me and I'm just letting her. DP and I know we should split but he is a good good man who won't leave my while I'm like this, but at the same time if I don't get better within the year I don't think he'll be able to cope any more. Told him tonight I really wanted to die of natural causes asap so it didn't hurt everyone as badly as suicide. Started crying in front of DD again. She is worried about being unhappy in the future which clearly she's learned from me. Fuck.

OP posts:
Scutterbug · 06/01/2025 22:50

Have you seen your GP recently? Are you under the community mental health team? I wonder if you might benefit from being signed off for a while. Keep talking to us x

Original poster
MsGoodenough · 08/01/2025 22:44

Yes. I think I'd be worse if I were off.

OP posts:
Original poster
MsGoodenough · 09/01/2025 18:33

Although I just fucked up so massively at work I think I might have to get signed off....

OP posts:
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