I can't go on any longer

[lolit]

I suffered horrific abuse from my parents as a child and because of that, I have been struggling with severe depression and PTSD ever since I was a teen. On top of that I am neurodivergent.

I have done everything I am supposed to do, got therapy, gain education so I can get a well paying job, put in so much effort to make friends.. What kept me going was the notion that some day it will get better. I am 30 and it has not gotten better.

I have spent about 3 years of my entire life in employment altogether, I ended up getting fired from every job because they either find me weird or I get a depression episode/burnout. I have no money, no pension, no family (they all sided with my parents and guilt me for not talking to them) and soon I will probably end up homeless as well because benefits do not cover my total rent. I am basically not talking to my friends because I am too ashamed to tell them the truth about my life. Even when I do tell them parts of the truth, they say something insightful like "how can you be depressed when you have a boyfriend?"

Oh and I am in an abusive relationship, but there is no chance I will leave because despite the abuse it is the only decent thing I have in my life. I have been suicidal for months, I contribute nothing to society, I don't think I will ever be well enough to work, believe me I have tried so much, but without working I am just surviving and can't afford nothing worth living for. I just simply can't go on.

I'm so sorry. Please leave your boyfriend though. You deserve to be treated well and not abused. Can you get benefits if you are too unwell to work?

I'm thinking of setting up a group for people like us. Life isn't fair.

What support do you need?

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our https://www.mumsnet.com/webguide/mental-health Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster, emotionally or financially, than they can afford to spare.

We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

💐

I wish there was a group for people like us @Slightlyworriedagain

It's so weird how I opened MN and this was the first thread that came up.. I can relate to a lot of what you say, @lolit I've been through similar, and especially what you say about employment, that's definitely me. They always find a way to get rid of me eventually. I reached burn out stage in my current job a while ago, now I'm just numb, going through day after day.

You could contact women's aid - you say you're in an abusive relationship? I've spoken to them before and they are nice and understanding. They will point you in the right direction.

I wish my family had given me up for adoption, it would've given me the chance to have a good life.

I'm not very good with words especially at the moment, having a really bad day. But I wish you well. ❤️

Hi OP, please get in contact with a service like single point of access or if there is immediate risk, call an ambulance. What sort of
therapy did you have? A lot of stabilisation work needs to happen before you are able to engage with therapy so please don’t feel like it hasn’t worked, there is possibly a step before. MH support in England isn’t the best, I agree but there are some great organisations out there. MIND have a service called safe space, please take a look to see if there’s one local
to you. They can really help in crisis.

You’re worthy of healing from trauma, OP. The hard part is finding the support in order to
do that, but it is out there. Hopefully you get some good resources on this thread and I’m glad
you’ve posted. Take care xx

Op. I've been there and have similar experiences. Had lots of counselling but the big difference for me was getting the right medication balance for me. Life changing.

I hope you find your way out of this moment. Please hang in there. A lovely life is possible

I've no advice OP but sending love xx ❤️

Can I ask which medication are you on

I don't have social anxiety

Have you had any trauma based therapy?

No

I'm just about to start it for my childhood trauma. I'm very hopeful it will deal with the source of the problem, whereas other therapy has merely told me how I should be coping with it.

EMDR also shows promising results in dealing with trauma.

I feel for you @lolit

Please have a look at these video;

s
s

Fluoxetine (Prozac)

Does it make you nauseous the first few days?

I had diarrhoea for a day then fine. Been on it 10 years and it changed my life. Wish I'd done it sooner.

Takes a few weeks for the effects to kick in.

There’s many many people in your shoes @lolit. You are not alone in this journey. The key to everything is slowly telling your body and mind that you are safe. Your brain and body are still in a flight flight or freeze state due to being in survival mode. It’s confusing and exhausting. Maybe try breathing exercises or meditation or mindfulness, anything to take your system out of high alert