Bi-polar partner extremely difficult. At wits end.

[FluWorldOrder]

I just need to offload really.

My partner of 8 years has bi-polar. He has been well managed on lithium for many years and when he is taking his medication he is happy, not a nasty person and just gets on with things.

He was under the care of a local mental health team until earlier in the year but was discharged from that service. He said he doesn't have the diagnosis anymore and that the psychiatrist confirmed this and stopped the medication (he may have been taking it sporadically before then but generally he took it and was fine).

He doesn't accept the bi-polar diagnosis and has always been unhappy about it but generally it was all a non event as he has been fine for years and just took the medication and got on with things.

Unfortunately since he stopped the medication in March-ish things have now come crashing down. He has been manic since mid-September with no sign of anything improving. He has no idea there is anything wrong despite having a complete change of personality. He has become extremely nasty. Extremely nasty. Random and muddled. Pressured speech and random tangents. He has ZERO insight into anything and genuinely can not see there is a complete change in him and something is wrong

He thinks there is something wrong with me. Yes there is, I am extremely anxious and on edge as I never know what I'm going to get from one minute to the next. He has become almost obsessed with my health and me seeing doctors, dentists, optometrists.. you name it he wants me to see it.

Has anyone been in this situation? I am getting to a point of desperation as this has been going on for 6 weeks now and is destroying my mental health. It will be almost impossible for us to come back from this as he is continually nasty and rude to me. I understand it's the condition but that doesn't make it any easier.

I just need support really as I have no one IRL to turn to. What can I do? We have two children and I have no where to go or money to go anywhere with. There is more but this is long. Thanks for reading if you got this far.

I would contact Women's Aid and get some help. That doesn't sound like a good situation for you to be in at all, let alone the children. You need to leave, but you need to make sure it's done safely. You can't go on living like this OP.

Thank you for your reply @Jessie1259. Honestly I have tears in my eyes I am just so thankful for a response and some acknowledgment. It is extremely stressful and my nerves are shot. I have thought about Women's Aid but I feel like there are women in much, much worse situations and I wouldn't want to take up resources that could be used by someone being physically abused etc. I should also add I'm not from the country we are living in. It's his home country. I am from the other side of the world.

@FluWorldOrder you need to keep you and your children safe sweetheart. Womens aid help all women.....also contact social services mental health team and explain the situation. Sending hugs 🫂 💐 🙏 ❤️

I would try to get away from him, you can't have your children around someone suffering a severe mental health episode.

See if you can get into a refuge.

I have experience of this from a family member. You urgently need to contact his GP and explain the situation. I know they can't discuss his record, etc but they can, and should, listen to your concerns. Tell them there is a danger, and that could happen, that he might be entering a psychotic episode.

Thank you all 🧡 I will contact Women's Aid tomorrow. I have contacted his GP and the mental health team he was previously under. Because he was discharged from mental health they need to wait for him to be referred back to them to do anything. He tells me he has seen his GP (this was at my insistence) but I don't believe him tbh. I spoke to his GP as well and because he hasn't engaged in any criminal behaviour he hasn't triggered the mental health act for involuntary assessment.

As his nearest relative you can make a recommendation for a section under the mental health act, contact your local AMHP office. Obviously he may not be at that stage yet but just so you know, and maybe it would get him seen ?

Had the same issues and this was over 20 years ago. It was only when he broke the law (when psychotic) and was arrested that anything was done and even then he had to endure being in prison for a few weeks.

Thank you. I saw this yesterday while I was researching but think I may need to start the process tomorrow. I will do some ringing around to try and find out how to make the application.

@Terrribletwos it's horrendous isn't it. Truly so, so difficult. I hate to think what he will be like tonight. Several nights he has woken me and started ranting on and on. Last week he was away from the house from Sunday night to Thursday as I begged him to go to the hospital and he didn't come back till Thursday. This was because he was waiting for the Dr to contact me?? That call never came. Bizarre behaviour that he cannot see is truly bizarre and out of character.

I’m so sorry you’re going through this. It must be so difficult and scary. If he has no insight then it sounds like you may have to wait until he is sectionable (may be now) until anything can happen, please keep yourself safe.

Its really hard. When someone is manic they cant understand they are not right, everything feels great to them and they have no insight into what is going on. I cant really advice anything as I have been in this situation before and nothing was done until things blew up - I even begged for the person to be sectioned but apparently its impossible until they are doing something extreme like running around naked etc.

I would say try to move away with your kids for now as its not good for them at all to witness that; also, your DP might do something stupid/ dangerous - you never know, its so random. And try to get him to see a doctor, somehow, maybe speak to your GP?

And - being really serious here - consider if its worth staying in the relationship full stop.

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I've never read such a true account of a partner's experience with this and as a partner of a BP sufferer I'm always perplexed there is no support easily available for familys.
I'm so sorry I don't have any tangible advice apart from don't engage or get involved with his manic episodes. I always felt I'd have to wait it out until the depression set in and then could work on things. Hopefully help and meds will be along soon 💐

Thanks you @CockerMum 🧡 it is very scary. I'm so drained by it all. Anxious and on edge. I don't want it to get to that but it may have too. I will do as another poster suggested and try and apply to have him assessed as his closest relative.

Thank you, truly 🧡 I have been surprised by that as well. I've tried to Google and get stories of people in my position and just don't find anything at all. It's isolating and scary to say the least.

If you feel threatened please call the police. Crisis teams do work closely with the police and with his history they may be able to help.

The lack of insight is frustrating and scary. How can they not see!? Bit of course it's just a part of the condition. It's truly so upsetting and difficult as you know.

Tbh no I don't want to stay in the relationship. But. We have two little girls. How on earth could I send them off to him every second weekend or whenever not ever knowing what state he was in 😭

Hi again@FluWorldOrder
I am so sorry you are going through this, it's awful to deal with and quite scary.

My relative became dangerous to himself and others. You need to involve the police if you feel he is a danger to you or himself or others. The police will then involve the mental health services. This will be the best for everyone. They will then get the help they need.

I know you want to support him but please keep yourself safe first. If you need to leave the house and stay elsewhere, do so.

It sounds like he possibly does need an application for section, or at least a review.

It's ok for you to say this isn't the life you want. It doesn't make you a bad person. You can leave to protect your own mental health. It may even be that when he has treatment and fully recovers he truly understands and respects your choice.

I just saw your update about children. You can absolutely apply to have them only able to visit accompanied if he's not been taking essential medication and is a risk to them, until they are old enough to be able to contact you and leave themselves if there's a problem.

If unstable it's even more essential that you leave to protect them and their stability.

Just seen that you have kids! You should absolutely not be having him in the house when he is going through a manic and possibly leading into a psychotic stage. Call the police, he needs to be sectioned.

I get you, its a difficult one. But I think you need to protect your girls now, this is not a good environment for them to be in. You can try and get through to him? Say you will leave unless he gets back on medication? You are entitled to stop contact if you think he is a danger to your DC - though he can take you to court, of course. But I cant imagine him being allowed unsupervised contact if he is diagnosed and refusing medication.

I think you need to speak to your GP or maybe contact a women's charity for advice.

You can also contact Rethink Mental Health Charity for advice as well:

Advice and information helpline

Rethink's advice and information helpline is open Monday to Friday, 9.30 AM–4 PM, excluding bank holidays.

You can contact them by phone at 0808 801 0525, by webchat, by email at [email protected], or by post at Rethink, PO BOX 18252 Solihull B91 9BA.

I've very recently gone through a similar episode in which he was 'self medicating' with alcohol. We managed to get to the doctor after almost 2 months of it and the medication helped quickly but came with its own side effects. Anyway, while doing my own research I came across a post that has helped me deal with some of the vitriol and nastiness. The poster compared the mental/verbal abuse to vomit. It's a sign that there is something wrong inside, horrible stuff is coming out but there is no befit in examining the contents. As you well know, there is awful stuff there, lots of which is nothing to do with you, but in my case, at least it was always aimed very personally at me and I've been reduced to tears several times a day over that time ... frustration, anger, exasperation ...

Thank you for your response and sorry you went through a similar experience. It is absolutely horrible. Last night was quite bad. Stomping around the house looking for keys for an apartment he lived in decades ago!!?? And certain paperwork he needed at 11pm. Because I had "thrown a hissy for the past two weeks and had my ego bruised" he has a lot of work to catch up on. When you type things out it doesn't sound as bad as what the general situation is in the home. It's so horrible you never know what's coming next.

How did you finally manage to make him get help? Today I contacted the crisis team who said to ring his GP which I also did. Fortunately we're in Northern Ireland and so far I have managed to get people on the phone quite easily. The GP wasn't that useful but said he will see what he can do at his end.