I think I need to be in hospital

[TheBluntCrab]

I'll just do the short version because frankly I'm exhausted and dont know what to do now.

I've had various issues over the years with my mental health but it's always been quite manageable. I'm diagnosed with GAD and OCD and depression. Lately I just feel like everything is completely wrong. I spend most of my days crying for no reason, angry outbursts and th slightest things. Not taking care of myself and just doing the bare minimum. Everything makes me angry and upset. I have a toddler and my main focus at the moment is him because I don't want him to suffer so I neglect everything and everyone else so he can have everything he needs.

I stormed out tonight in a rage because I've just had enough. Left dh with DS. * [Post edited by MNHQ to remove reference to suicide method]. I've scared myself because I've never even though of doing something so stupid.

I'm a terrible person, a terrible mother and a terrible partner. My family deserve much better than me. I'm a useless waste of space and bring misery to everyone and everything. The only thing that stopped me tonight is the fact I love my son so much and can't bare to leave him but at the same time I feel like he would be better off without me. He has autism and his behavior can b so bad. I can't cope. I spend most of my time telling him off or shouting. Who does that?!

I feel like it's only a matter of time before I snap and just unalive myself. Ironic though as I have major health anxiety and fear of death but right now all I can think about is dying and being free.

I'm not sure that would help me to be honest. If anything I think it would make me worse and more edgy/angry. Plus dh would never cope. He wouldn't understand and he would forever use it against me and act like I was abandoning him and DS. My parents wouldn't understand. They would probably look down on me and be embarrassed.

It won’t suit everybody , I get that. I didn’t want to go there myself , I was adamant I wouldn’t go to start with. Your DS doesn’t sound very supportive I’m sorry to say . My ex didn’t understand mental health either , just thought I was crazy. My parents don’t understand either, none of my family do . But you know what if the people around you don’t support you then who cares what they think?This quote helped me when I get upset about my families lack of care ‘the people that mind don’t matter and the people that matter don’t mind’xx

I just wish I had someone that cared or could offer a lean on or some support. I just feel so alone and isolated and I feel like what's the point. No one wants me here, no one cares. Honestly I truly believe that the only person that cares is my two year old. He's a mummys boy. It's sad that the only person in my life that is keeping me hanging on by a thread is a small version of myself.

Oh sweetheart. Please call Samiritans or 111 for help tonight. Just someone to talk to, to reassure you until you can get to sleep. If you call 111, they will refer to the MH team but I promise you no-one will take your child away.

You love your son, that comes through clearly in your posts, you need some support because you are exhausted.

Please also speak to your GP about medication. When you find the right one, it really does help.

Stay safe tonight xx

He’s a mummy’s boy because you are an amazing mother! You might not think that people care but they will, I care . You will get a lot of support on here , you’ve taken the first step in getting help. But you do need to speak to professionals, they will help too. And they will listen and not judge. Use that thread and keep hanging on , I’m honestly not sure how long it takes to get better but I’m willing to try. And I want you to know that it’s not easy , but you will find strength you never knew you had . You’ve already found that by writing on here xx

I just feel like the last few weeks have been really rough and I've been spiralling slowly and it's all come to a head over the last few days and I just feel so utterly drained and ready to give up. I've never known unhapiness and misery like this. I just wish I knew how to make things just a little bit more bearable. I'm not going to call them at this time in case they come out. DH will be furious and I just can't bare the disappointment he will give.

How are you today? I hope you can find the strength to contact your CMHT today to tell them how low you are and that they then help you.

Hi TheBluntCrab,

We're sorry you're feeling so low. We can see you're already getting some good support on this thread from other Mumsnetters, but we just wanted to add a few links which might be of help.

Here's a link to our general Mental Health webguide which lists lots of organisations which can provide some real life support.

If you're feeling really low, please call the Samaritans on 116 123. You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected].

If you find texting easier, please take a look at Shout's website. Shout 85258 is a free, confidential, anonymous text support service. Its trained volunteers are available all hours of the day and night to listen and support you to get to a calmer and safe place.

Here too is a link to Mind's support page which has tips for everyday living which can help when you're feeling overwhelmed.

Just so you know, we've edited a paragraph in your opening post as we can't allow any talk about suicide methods, in line with the guidelines we follow.

We hope things start getting a bit easier for you soon.

Call 111 and press the mental health option.

It's unlikely you'd be admitted to hospital and it probably wouldn't be helpful anyway but you do help and support.

Best of luck.

Feeling extreme fragile and fearful and just confused. I don't really know how I feel.

Have you called your MH team? You really need to let them know how you are feeling although I recognise that they are often not very helpful.

Hi op sorry to hear you are going through a terrible time. Do you yourself have autism? My family member once actually left home to call the police and get sectioned in order to get to help.

I've never been diagnosed with anything but I have questioned whether I may be.

I had a very tearful conversation with my DH this morning about how I was feeling. His reactions was as expected. I'm silly, it's stupid and what have I got to be sad about, I'm responsible for my own happiness. I'm crying because I'm on my period etc etc he doesnt get it and I can't even begin to try and explain and make him understand. So now I've just shut down again and feel worse.

Have you called any of the options people have suggested? You really need to seek support as it doesn’t sound like it will come from your husband x

His opinion doesn’t matter right now. You do. I hear you and I understand. I was broken. CBT with fluoxetine saved my life. You deserve to be supported and you deserve to be well. You matter.

I don't mean to sound harsh but no-one here can help you other than sympathising.

You need to seek help in real life.

Call the team already working with you or call 111 and press the MH option.

Op a lot of parents only found out themselves have autism or adhd etc after their children re diagnosed of them. PMS can make emotion worse. What about A&E or Crisis or social services if it really is really urgent.

Hi @TheBluntCrab how are you this evening? Sorry I havnt replied sooner had hospital appointment etc . Did you manage to reach out to crisis team?xx