I'll just do the short version because frankly I'm exhausted and dont know what to do now.
I've had various issues over the years with my mental health but it's always been quite manageable. I'm diagnosed with GAD and OCD and depression. Lately I just feel like everything is completely wrong. I spend most of my days crying for no reason, angry outbursts and th slightest things. Not taking care of myself and just doing the bare minimum. Everything makes me angry and upset. I have a toddler and my main focus at the moment is him because I don't want him to suffer so I neglect everything and everyone else so he can have everything he needs.
I stormed out tonight in a rage because I've just had enough. Left dh with DS. * [Post edited by MNHQ to remove reference to suicide method]. I've scared myself because I've never even though of doing something so stupid.
I'm a terrible person, a terrible mother and a terrible partner. My family deserve much better than me. I'm a useless waste of space and bring misery to everyone and everything. The only thing that stopped me tonight is the fact I love my son so much and can't bare to leave him but at the same time I feel like he would be better off without me. He has autism and his behavior can b so bad. I can't cope. I spend most of my time telling him off or shouting. Who does that?!
I feel like it's only a matter of time before I snap and just unalive myself. Ironic though as I have major health anxiety and fear of death but right now all I can think about is dying and being free.