I feel so fucking miserable and genuinely nothing helps

[Helpme1738]

I’ve felt so unhappy for years. My self esteem is in tatters, I’ve tried so many things to try and make myself feel better but I honestly swear nothing works and I just want to give up now.

I’ve tried all the things that people suggest

• I’ve trialled therapy with 3 different therapists. I felt like I just spoke to them about my problems but nothing ever helped long term
• i have joined the gym and I find it so fucking boring. I tried running and never felt the runners high. I always look for new clubs etc to join but I never stick to them because I never fully enjoy them. I tried football and jiu jitsu but just ended up slowly stopping going
• i I don’t have many friends. Everyone always says to go and meet people but if I try something social it never goes past small talk and then I just give up
• everyone says to try new things but genuinely nothing interests me
• I have tried medication 3 times and it didn’t do anything for me at all

I also don’t have the money to try new things. I wanted to try Pilates classes but it was 80 per month and I just don’t have a lot of disposable income at all.
I do not have money for therapy at the moment it’s so expensive

My boyfriend has told me that I am upset all the time and that recently I have not had any positive things to say, and that I am beginning to bring him down. This breaks my heart but genuinely I feel like I’ll never be happy, I’ll never stick to anything, I’ll never find something that gives me those feelings. I have no idea how to even think positive, it doesn’t stick

can somebody help because I feel so so close to giving up

Honestly, a couple years ago I had a manager who ruined my confidence. She completely burnt me out, was nasty and ruined my life so much at the time. My boyfriend thinks I’ve never really recovered from that, and I agree

I am not a therapist, neither would become one; I have the income currently coming in as it is needed, but I am a tough love person who comes from a place where emotional understanding came through friends not the GP

It’s great that you recognise this and know what it is you need to work on. I had a job in the past that wore me down so much I couldn’t see a future and thought I’d never get over it, even after leaving. These days I rarely ever think of it, and if I do it’s so fleeting it doesn’t even stir any sort of emotion in me.

Very gently, and of course you might not have listed everything in your OP, but you have not ‘tried everything’. You don’t need to run, you can walk for 40 mins with a funny podcast. You don’t need to spend big on Pilates, you can do yoga at home. You can volunteer, you can take a night class, you can do an online class, you can try group therapy or CBT or any different mode. You can spend time with animals, journal, do therapy exercises at home or with your partner, go to couples counselling, try different medication, do an ice bath… You don’t know what will work until you try it.

@Iwantabrightsunnyday if someone is struggling with their own confidence volunteering isn't always the answer. They need to get their confidence back in who THEY are - not worry about others all the time.
Suggesting that the OP volunteers to see people who are "worse off" than her is a complete insult.
When it come to struggling in life it's not a game of Top Trumps as to which struggle is worse.

Perhaps the way you're feeling is based on trauma. Your previous manager has seriously affected you. I was in a very similar position many years ago and it took me years to get over the way I was treated by her. I should have left way before I actually did. It seriously knocked my confidence and I became stuck. I've had some counselling which helped a little bit. I actually did volunteer at a dog rescue but it was too much for me!

I felt like this a few
Years ago, I Lacked a lot of self confidence, and very few close friends, became quite low back forth to doctors and meds ,which I decided not to take ,self esteem very low, so by chance went to a craft market ,it gave me inspiration to take up art which I hadn't done since a child, I watched a few clips on you tube about different styles techniques , and did a couple , I actually took them to a local craft shop that they took them to sell, this boosted my confidence, it was the one thing that really helped me , and now I have a good friend and we craft fares together selling our craft, it's a hobby bit of fun , gets me to meet different people . Maybe try a hobby ,something that you can make sell don't be afraid to try 🙂🙂

I’ve felt the same way many, many times in my life. The only thing that really gets me out of it is finding the joy in the small things. Nothing is too small to find joy in. Like oh look it’s finally not raining for the first time in 2 weeks. Or wow I really enjoyed that cup of tea I just had. It might sound completely boring but I think it brings you into the present moment, which in my opinion is very important when you’re feeling quite down. Walks have also helped me a lot, fresh air and nice views are really good for the mind and soul. Also finding new hobbies, or giving yourself small little challenges to complete. It’s all baby steps really, you won’t miraculously feel better but the small dopamine hits really help. I’m wishing you the best OP, I think it’s very important to remember in times like this that life is like a seesaw. The downs are inevitable but so are the ups. Unfortunately sometimes the downs might last quite a while but the ups will always come at some point. Stay strong. Believe in yourself. You have so much life to live.

Excellent so you have a clear situation that impacted you that you are aware of. This is really good because it can be solved more easily than something that can’t be pinpointed.

You need to process what happened to you and either get your brain to make sense of it or get your brain to accept it cannot make sense of it - i.e this boss had a personality disorder and nothing they did makes sense. Counselling can help with this but it does take time and you would need to focus your time on processing this incident rather than general feelings of shittiness. I know you said money is tight but if you are sick of talking about it you could try emdr which helps the brain process traumatic events.

I’d also recommend a book called Burnout by Emily Nagoski (I might be spelling her surname wrong). This book is full of ideas of things you can do to move past feeling burnt out.

You cannot let this woman ruin your one and precious life. These awful people are everywhere sadly and we have to improve our boundaries and look after ourselves the best we can so when they do find us, we can bat them off instead of them finding ways to damage our self esteem and sense of who we are. Good luck op

Treatments for depression available in the UK just to give you a bit of hope that you haven’t tried everything out there and there is plenty to try both on NHS and at various price points:

• In excess of 30/40 medications (and combinations of these can be even more effective)
• therapies- CBT, IPT, DBT, ACT, Counselling
• Treatments proven safe and effective- RTMS, EDMR and ECT (Contrary to popular opinion, ECT is the safest procedure we carry out under general anaesthetic)
• Alternative medications: Cannabis, Ketamine infusions
• Alternative treatments: Flow magnetic device - see Amazon

Hold on to some hope; doesn’t matter where you get it from; you can come through this.