I feel so fucking miserable and genuinely nothing helps

[Helpme1738]

I’ve felt so unhappy for years. My self esteem is in tatters, I’ve tried so many things to try and make myself feel better but I honestly swear nothing works and I just want to give up now.

I’ve tried all the things that people suggest

• I’ve trialled therapy with 3 different therapists. I felt like I just spoke to them about my problems but nothing ever helped long term
• i have joined the gym and I find it so fucking boring. I tried running and never felt the runners high. I always look for new clubs etc to join but I never stick to them because I never fully enjoy them. I tried football and jiu jitsu but just ended up slowly stopping going
• i I don’t have many friends. Everyone always says to go and meet people but if I try something social it never goes past small talk and then I just give up
• everyone says to try new things but genuinely nothing interests me
• I have tried medication 3 times and it didn’t do anything for me at all

I also don’t have the money to try new things. I wanted to try Pilates classes but it was 80 per month and I just don’t have a lot of disposable income at all.
I do not have money for therapy at the moment it’s so expensive

My boyfriend has told me that I am upset all the time and that recently I have not had any positive things to say, and that I am beginning to bring him down. This breaks my heart but genuinely I feel like I’ll never be happy, I’ll never stick to anything, I’ll never find something that gives me those feelings. I have no idea how to even think positive, it doesn’t stick

can somebody help because I feel so so close to giving up

Why is your self respect in tatters?

Can you remember a time when you were happy?

Thanks. What kind of response is this? You’re saying that because other people have it worse, I can’t be struggling?
I can only hope you’re not a therapist

Honestly? I would try volunteering at a dog shelter. This may sound like a weird idea, but dogs are therapeutic and you wouldn't be committed in the way you would be if you owned one.

It would give you something else to concentrate on and maybe lift you a bit.

Harsh, but maybe an option.

That sounds really hard OP. And lonely. It's awful when you are surrounded by people and activities but feel so disconnected.

Have you looked into or tried EMDR? I wonder if that might be of some use to you. Or another thing to look at could be acupuncture/traditional Chinese medicine, or alternatively something like the Gupta program.

I have nothing to suggest, but I feel the same too. It is horrible.

Yoga and a dog, I do different versions of yoga x5 per week and I honestly feel so much calmer and like I can deal with anything.

Dogs, either get one, or volunteer with them, they're just the most lovely companions.

Can you pinpoint what was going on for you when you felt your self esteem reduce and your happiness in life diminished because your post implies it hasn’t always been this way?

Putting aside the rather dubious idea that the misfortunate, sick and dying should be used for some kind of Pollyanna-ish gratitude exercise 😒 I don't think this is true. You have to be mentally in a good place and quite strong to be able to bring relief in desperate situations without succumbing to despair.

With the medication, was it just a single type of anti depressant each time?

I was like you and long story short I ended up on a combo (venlafaxine and mirtazapine). It's been genuinely life changing. I've done a bit of research around it and that combo is meant to be good for what they call "treatment resistant depression".

One type of medication at a time really did nothing for me but the combination has worked really well.

Do you enjoy your job? Do you get on with colleagues?

Bloody hell. Why? Why did you feel the need to comment that?

OP, regarding the therapy and medication: unfortunately therapy only really works/clicks when you find the right therapist to work with. Which is incredibly frustrating if you're only able to work with the NHS as lists are already extremely long before you ever get the chance to try to pursue the right track. Can you afford to go private?

Medication is a huge game of trial and error, and it can take months if not years to find an effective anti-depressant or similar that works for you. It's worth discussing with your doctor and trying a new course.

Make sure you sign up for free trials of all the pilates/gym classes you can! Or any that are pay by session.

It's a slog but keep trying new hobbies. If they don't interest you after a session/go, strike it off the list and move on to the next.

I'd seriously think about talking to a GP again.

Agree with others upthread to look at volunteering opportunities. I was in a similar situation and took on a role as a mentor for prison leavers - it was really invigorating fighting for someone else's quality of life and made me appreciate my own more. Pick whatever cause makes you FEEL something, no matter how small a twinge on your heartstrings, and do something about it!

Try volunteering in a community garden or similar. Being outside in nature and growing things is great for mental (and physical) health, and also provides an easy way to meet people. Good luck!

In a general sort of way I would say: concentrate on getting as much of "the simple things in life" as you practically can, eg walks in the fresh air, balanced diet with as little processed/ready-meal type things as possible. I'd also agree that spending some time working with animals eg a dog shelter (as advised above) can be very helpful.

What did you enjoy as a child/teen?
Could you go back to that as an interest?
I like Lego (as you can tell from my user name). The adult community is huge (real life and online). Joining that community about 8 years ago really made a difference in my confidence.
What attracted you to your boyfriend in the first place - what did you do for dates? Have you got in the rut of just plodding along in life and no longer doing those things.
Start doing them again.
Close your eyes and imagine your perfect weekend - but one that you know you CAN do (ie you can go for a walk in a local park and look at birds but you can't fly to the Maldives to look at birds).
Try to make that weekend real.
💐

Evening.
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry to hear you're going through this, OP.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Mental Health page.
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

I totally agree with this, if running isn’t for you then a nice long walk in the fresh air can do the trick just the same.

But I would really say therapy is the best long term fix, it takes time to find the right person but it honestly can be invaluable.

The post that @Iwantabrightsunnyday put on the face of it could be considered mean but I actually get it. If I’ve had any sort of health scare, once all the worrying of my own mortality has gone, I do have a (admittedly, sometimes short lived) sense of gratitude to be here. I think there’s a lot to be said for appreciation of the people worse off than us.

Also, (and I know it's hard) see if its possible for you to spend LESS time doing the things which increase anxiety in modern-day life, eg watching the newsreaders (& papers) telling us non-stop that we're all going to be poorer, and the planet is about to die or explode if World War 3 doesnt get us first...It gets under your skin when you listen to all that negative stuff non-stop. (I'm not saying that that is the sole cause of your particular unhappiness, but it may play a subconscious part).

It sounds like you are trying to push yourself to change or take up hobbies or get out there.

Is that trying to be something you are not? Or possibly just not the right time for you.

Could you try being content with what you have and how things are today and building that.

I hate to be existential but what even is happiness anyway? Mine is quiet contentment as oppose to radical fireworks or world travel . A pretty sky, a good book, clean sheets, a nice bath on a cold day. My favorite tv show. My favorite food.

Maybe focus on the low key smaller things. A cup of tea in my favorite cup!

Maybe you are just someone for whom feeling neutral or not unhappy-is your happy. It might take the pressure off?

Don’t take any notice, op. That post got what it deserved!
How about doing something creative? Music, maybe? Lots of areas have community choirs or perhaps you play or used to play a musical instrument and could join an amateur group. Music can be very therapeutic, especially singing/playing with other people.

I’ve felt so unhappy for years.

Why? What/who caused it and when? Figure that out first.

OK, the post deleted. I do genuinely believe when we give out of ourselves, we get back and our lives get better ; most people would suggest go to your GP, I suggested volunteering to help others and see others who are suffering and be a mutual support. Keep deleting that if you want