To think it’s best to end it all

[Beepop22]

I am 23 yo have an 8 Mo single - dad is no where to be found and doesn’t even know what she looks like but I won’t get into that, live at home cannot get work even though I really want to due to childcare issues mum is downsizing in a matter of days & cannot bring me with her I honestly and contemplating leaving baby at home and just disappearing it will be doing everyone and including her a favour where can I even begin to make life better it is completely impossible with NO help the only help my mum could / does offer is housing but now that’s not possible either she is not able to help out so I can work. On top of that I don’t drive either so I have absolutely fucking nothing useful to my name. I just honestly am embarrassed useless and think everyone would be better off without me including my kid. I’ve even considered giving her up for her sake because I know she would be better provided for

OP you need help today - call your doctor and share your feelings.
Please take care of yourself

Agree with previous poster. Reach out for help OP, please.

There is always a way forward, it may not be easy, but there is a way. Once “homeless” you can apply for council housing, you will be eligible for UC, if you want to work you can get help to pay for childcare through UC.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well. We're going to move this to the Mental Health section shortly.💐

If you are being made homeless you need to contact your local council/housing association. Calling Shelter would be a good idea too.
Once you have a roof over your head you can look into things like driving (or you could move somewhere with decent public transport?)
You are only 23 (I had my first child at your age so I understand the difficulties) so you have loads of time to get things sorted, your daughter won't remember any of this but a life without her mother will hurt her forever.

I'm sorry to hear that.

If you genuinely think it's too hard, putting the baby up for adoption is an option. It's nothing to be ashamed about.

I'm so sorry to hear that you are feeling so desperate. You don't deserve to feel like this. Please keep talking here, and it's also important to speak to somebody professional in real life too, ideally today. You need help, you matter, and you are not in any way an embarrassment or useless- it does sound as though you could be depressed though. There is hope, but depression makes you feel as though there isn't. Your housing situation sounds really tough and very stressful but there will be a way forward. Please don't make any irreversible decisions (like hurting yourself) - things can and will get better, even though it doesn't feel like it right now. Take care, and sending virtual hugs

Other people will give practical suggestions, but I just wanted to say that you are precious OP, you are loved by your baby daughter and no she won’t be better off without you!!

Things are tough at the moment but it is temporary, you are young and have lots of time to sort out a lovely life for you both!

Is there somebody you can call to be with you right now?

You absolutely need help today. Please contact your GP who can then contact the council on your behalf for emergency accommodation whilst you receive treatment to support your mental health. There is a way to better things OP and this isn’t it.

Unfortunately I agree as much as I love her she has no bright future with me I know I will be judged by family and friends but they are also people who are not offering me much help I just don’t know where to start about doing so

I see your mum can't have you living with her anymore.

The first thing you need to do op is go to the council and tell them you are homeless. They will get you emergency accommodation

Hi OP, I’m sorry you are feeling so low. Please don’t make any rash decisions because you won’t always feel this bad although I understand that you can’t see that at the moment.
It is quite common to feel that loved ones will be better without us when we are struggling mentally and I speak from experience there.
Please seek help from your GP about your MH and from the Citizens advice bureau who will be able to help you sort out some housing for you and your baby.
Keep posting on here too as there are lots of people who can offer support and kindness and who will have been through similar difficult times to those you are now encountering. Take care of yourself and your baby and try to be kind to yourself xx

Take a step at a time. First of all , get accommodation sorted.

I think the chances are you aren't in the right frame of mind to make that decision at the moment. Can you try to put that kind of thinking on hold for now? Right now, you need to take the best care you can of yourself, and of your little one. You love her, and I know that she loves you too- you are the centre of her little world. The first step is to get the help and support you need right now. Could you phone up your GP surgery today to ask for an emergency appointment? They will be able to help with your mental health and can also advise on the housing situation

Please, don't do anything in a hurry, you may be able to get accommodation.
I was in your situation a long time ago, a ''friend'' suggested adoption but I swiftly dismissed that idea. Now, the ''baby'' is a father himself of my lovely grandchildren. There is always a way, you won;t always feel this way, but you do need help. As others have said, try to get a GP appointment before you make this huge step of adoption.

Thanks everyone for the kind and reassuring words but I can’t help but feel like I have ruined my life her life and my family’s life , I honestly hear what everyone is saying and giving up shouldn’t be an option but I am suffering so so so so badly I have a good day then reality hits that I genuinely am such a shit person for even bringing her into this mess in the world , I honestly feel like it’s close to impossible to improve your life when you have a baby at your hip 24/7 and although I appreciate some people have managed , I feel like lack of support and resources make it literally mentally unbearable

If you told me a year and a half ago this would be my life now I would of ended it then !

Hi beepop no one is judging you. Motherhood is hard. And single motherhood is hard.

With or without the baby, you are going to be homeless soon.

Go to the council and get help. There is no need to be ashamed to ask for help.

Believe me I know it can feel shameful. I was in temporary emergency accommodation for a couple of months.

But you deserve a home. Go and tell them what's happening

I have called them today and they said they will get back to me , could you explain to me what the process of all that was like it would be much appreciated im scared by the unknown of it all thank you x

You may have slightly different experience. As i dont have a baby. But my experience was like this. And I saw women with babies in the hostel with me.

They will get you emergency accommodation, especially as you have a baby. You may go into a womans hostel for a couple of months. But those places are OK .They are not too bad. and people there are going through the same thing. And people will try to help you

While you are there, the organisations will be seeking to get you proper long term accommodation. You will be at the top of the list as you have a baby, and they take baby's health and welfare seriously.

You will then more than likely be given a council flat. With help to pay rent

There also should be housing charities in your area. Look them up and give them a call if you can.

They will have a lot of useful advice for you on where to go

Have you spoken to a healthcare professional about how you are feeling? Are you receiving any treatment for your mental health? Obviously and understandably the threat of becoming homeless is a major contributor to the stress you are experiencing, but I think you're going to need a two pronged approach which directly tackles your mental health too. You sound deeply emotionally distressed. You need to speak to a Dr if you're not already seeing one (and even if you are I still think an emergency appointment is important). This is too much for anyone to deal with alone.

Thank you , I’m just worried about having to move so far away when I already have little support as is. I hope my experience is anything similar to what you’ve described :(

Hey you most likely won't have to move away.

There are emergency accommodation centres everywhere.

When I was put in one, I was put in one in my home town.

I also had a very similar situation to you, I couldn't stay with my mum and I couldn't get rented accommodation in time.

A lot of people actually go into emergency accommodation for a few months.

You'll be OK! It'll get better for you

This will pass. Get a GP appointment urgently and tell them how you feel. You are not useless. Everyone has highs and lows, I promise if you hold on it will get better in the future at some point.