Feeling very low. Experiencing first hand the downfall of society

[worriedhidinginplainsight]

Just feeling a bit hopeless.

Im depressed
I'm scared
I feel worthless
I am about 8 years in to a run of bad things happening
I'm running out of resilience
I am now to old to achieve the things that meant so much to me.
It's so hard receiving comforting words from good people who did achieve the things I didn't.

I feel alone and isolated

I have options to mix with others but things have been so bad for so long that I'm actually embarrassed of my own presence.

I'm certain that if I didn't have my cat I would have ended this by now. Things got bad recently and I contacted a cat foster charity to see if they would take him. I'm not giving him enough attention or playing with him enough. I ended up in a heartbreaking decision because I knew that if I handed him over, it wouldn't be temporary until I feel better. I knew if he went I would be saying goodbye forever, and I couldn't do it. So he is still here with me and he is fine. I'm doing my best to keep him happy. He is literally the closest one I have on this earth.

I feel like a complete and utter failure

You are not worthless. Have you been to your gp or got any help with your depression?

Tell us about your cat, what's his personality? Mine is currently very disgruntled because he's been to the cattery while we went on holiday.

I'm sorry to hear this OP. I wish I could reach out and give you a huge hug. How lucky you and your lovely cat are to have each other, you may not feel like you are giving him much attention but you love him very much and I bet you look after him really well.

You're very brave to reach out on here. You're not worthless or a failure, or any of those other things. Except you are depressed. It sounds like you've had a really hard time and you've kept going and I understand that the fight is getting too hard. I really hear you, I have been there. When it gets to that stage, that's when you might need others in that battlefield with you. You've got your cat, he is on your side, give him a lovely cuddle right now. Now to find others.

You could call the Samaritans right now on 116 123 and they will talk to you, or if texting is more your thing, you can try Shout by text 85258. Do you have any family or friends who you could reach out to tomorrow? I understand you might not, in which case keep talking here, MN will keep you company. Next thing will be talking to your GP. You deserve help and treatment, counselling or meds or anything. And be honest with them. Show them your post if it's too hard.

It can get better, slowly.

I’m really sorry you are feeling this way. Things can get too much can’t they and compound one another. Your cat sounds very lucky to be in a home with someone who cares so much about him. Sending you a big hug. It can and will get better please go and see your GP xx

The bond between you and your cat is so clear to see.
I don’t have a lot of experience but also wonder if talking to the Samaritans might help tonight? A friendly voice can be just what is needed sometimes.
Hugs to you and the cat.

OP I'm sorry. I don't know what you wanted to achieve and didn't, but whatever it is doesn't determine your worth.

I think 'achievement' is overrated. I've known some very miserable high achievers. I realise that won't stop your regrets, but please remember that you don't have to earn your right to exist.

You sound isolated, caught in your own head. Please get help. Talk to someone IRL, be it your GP or a friend. I wish I could pop over with a bunch of flowers and a cup of coffee.

Give your lovely cat a hug from me. Nothing wrong with living for a cat, but there is so much more to live for too. Take care

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources. You can also go to the Samaritans website or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.
We are going to move this thread to the Mental Health section shortly.

Hi anyone,

I'm feeling so terribly low again. I've felt low since I started this thread but I've hit a really bad place.

I don't really want to be alive anymore.

I cannot end things while my cat is here with me. It's just me and him, so if I did that, I would be abandoning him. He would suffer. I can't do that to him.

I keep thinking about asking the foster charity to take him, but I can't bear saying goodbye to him.

I literally wish that I didn't have a cat.

He is so innocent. He trusts me so much.

Hi

Did you try contacting Samaritans last time? Just wondered if they were helpful or if it’s something you could do now?

Him

Oh he’s a panther.
How are you doing lovey xx

I'm going to try to sleep. I did speak to them before. But I just don't see the point in talking about it anymore.

Oh your cat is just beautiful!

Well you’re talking to us now.If you want to, have a sleep.I take it you have been up all night x

Your cat is beautiful. Please do try and talk to someone. Or keep posting here. I promise you will get through this. I have been there and it gets better. I know I don't know your situation but I have been in dark places and I know how scary it is.

HI op,
Wow your cat is so beautiful.
MN have provided a link about thread to the Samaritans who are an excellent source of support. Maybe you can have another chat with them. Have you had an opportunity to read their

Talking to someone is important, even if it doesn’t feel like it right now. Talking on here is fine, but keeping that connection with someone is vital when you feel there’s nothing else.

He is a beautiful cat OP and he is looking adoringly at you (if that is you in the picture?). Sending you a big hug, it sounds like you are having a tough time tonight. When did you get your cat? I have a dog and he is so loved - I knew the moment I saw him, he was perfect. He is very funny and empathetic. I wonder if that sounds like your cat? X

I've really messed up. I had 2 years of intensive therapy from the community mental health service and was doing okay. They taught me skills to manage my life/mental health. Since they discharged me I have not practiced anything that I learned. And everything has spiralled out of control. Now I feel overwhelmed. I can't believe how quickly things have fallen apart

Posted to soon

Have you had an opportunity to read MN mental health boards? There is a wealth of information on there.

You are not alone. You may feel like it in the deepest darkest depths, however there are people out there who do care.

I suffer with bipolar. My friends and family and my work colleagues and employer all know. Yet I still find it hard to tell them when I am struggling. I had an appointment on Thursday with my psychiatrist who changed my medication and already it's helping.

Please do reach out for supper in RL, and keep posting on here x

Yes my cat is a really special creature. He was a rescue, previously stray and had been through some trauma. He was terrified when he first came to me. It's amazing to see how chilled he is now. I've had him for 4 years.

Thanks for listening. I feel a little bit better just for being able to express myself here. I'm going to try to sleep now.

What an amazing job you have done with him, and credit for taking in a rescue cat. No wonder he adores you. You have a wonderful connection OP.

I'm sorry you are feeling so low. Life can be very cruel sometimes. Your cat is gorgeous. I love cats and got one from the cat's home about 18 months ago. She's very beautiful to look at but cold, aloof and fairly unfriendly. A total little madam actually but I still love her to bits. Pets can be such a great comfort can't they, especially at this time of night which is when things can look the bleakest in my experience.
I'm glad you have the option to mix with others. I would love to come round for a cup of tea and to meet the cat. Sending you a big hug.

Your cat must think you're amazing. You took his crappy life and made it beautiful. I hope something can do that for you. Xxx