Just feeling a bit hopeless.
Im depressed
I'm scared
I feel worthless
I am about 8 years in to a run of bad things happening
I'm running out of resilience
I am now to old to achieve the things that meant so much to me.
It's so hard receiving comforting words from good people who did achieve the things I didn't.
I feel alone and isolated
I have options to mix with others but things have been so bad for so long that I'm actually embarrassed of my own presence.
I'm certain that if I didn't have my cat I would have ended this by now. Things got bad recently and I contacted a cat foster charity to see if they would take him. I'm not giving him enough attention or playing with him enough. I ended up in a heartbreaking decision because I knew that if I handed him over, it wouldn't be temporary until I feel better. I knew if he went I would be saying goodbye forever, and I couldn't do it. So he is still here with me and he is fine. I'm doing my best to keep him happy. He is literally the closest one I have on this earth.
I feel like a complete and utter failure