ED Bulimia - I just can't stop it! Aged 58..... What can I do to help myself?

[sunnysss]

I have had Bulimia since I was about 22, on and off. Off during pregnancy and a few years after, but since lockdown it has reared its ugly head. I keep trying to stop but just can't stop at a sensible amount of food, I just keep going until I can hardly move sometimes. I take HRT since 50 and sertraline for anxiety.
Any advice welcome. I haven't told any doctor - not since my 20s.

I am the same, and have honestly stopped the bingeing with Clear Minds Hypnotherapy. I first asked for help at 18 and at 61 found CM. Game changer for me.

When I first managed to stop I had to fully remove trigger foods from my diet. It was very difficult and a long process for sure.

I started by allowing moderate portions of non trigger foods. My triggers were most carbs, obviously junk food like chocolate, cakes, biscuits etc.
I allowed myself to eat things like seafood and fish and lean meat with of veg.

Once you start to shrink your stomach capacity down you'll start to feel fuller easier. Bulimia makes you able to eat massive portions so you need to kind of untrain that capacity.

Once I realised my weight could be maintained without the purging and I didn't feel that hollow hunger you get from bulimia I gradually stopped. Not overnight, but slowly but surely it slipped away as a habit. It was with me for around 30 years so it was a long journey.

I used meditation and emotional freedom technique. And you can go to meetings like AA for it, called OA.

I wish you the very best of heath and happiness x

sending support to everyone struggling with this. @Monstermunch2 , two days, that is great!!

I managed without vomiting today, I am quite proud of myself on the one hand but also feeling very fragile. Taking one day at a time…

Really glad I stumbled across this thread. Early 40s F, I have suffered for over 22 years.
The only thing I found that switched off the urge to binge was Mounjaro. I still get triggered (stressful situations), and I am still falling into the B&P cycle sometimes, but the incidence and the amount consumed has completely fallen. Still, I understand this is not a long-term solution and would really appreciate the sharing of any advice or coping strategies.
Sending a hand hold to you all xx

Also, sometimes in the beginning of recovery I'd find myself going into that zone. You kind of switch off and just gravitate towards a binge, like you'll float into a shop and just start grabbing pastries, sandwiches etc. or just almost levitate into McDonald's...

I've got to the point of buying the stuff, and then taking a couple of bites. Then managing to throw it in the bin.

Shameful and wasteful but I needed to see that I could actually stop at any time. Just because I'd bought it and taken a bite. Doesn't mean I had to go fully through the cycle again.

I often bought food and gave it away if it wasn't opened. I don't condone wasting food but I started to think the bin is better than my stomach. I am not a dustbin.

Gradually I no longer needed to even buy it.
Now I can have snacks and crap in the house and just snack on them normally. It's been a long road though.

@BobbyBiscuits this sounds really interesting and I will try to remember this. I can buy it, take a bite and then chuck it. Better than eating it all.

The actual physical motions of binges are so interesting, and I’ve never really been able to describe it properly to people who don’t understand. It’s just about getting as much high-sensation food into my body as is physically possible. Crunchy, sweet, creamy, chocolatey, soft, oozy, etc. but as much as I possibly can. It sounds so strange in the cold light of day.

My nemesis is crisps too! Any form of potatoes too, hence my user name! I'm in the same situation and keen to support and be supported in reducing my binge/purges. Xx

Yeah, I totally understand. You get overwhelmed by all the sensations. The creaminess, sweetness, crunchiness, greasyness etc. It almost puts you in a trance. Lol.

Having half portions is a good thing to do when eating with others. Even now the idea of a full portion of fish, chips and mushy peas would be triggering.
But today I shared a portion with my mum. I'm really pleased as I feel satisfied but not bloated.

I hope you can continue on a good path, I'll be here if you need me! X

I've done ok for a couple of days now's now
Starving all day to eat a meal in the evening was triggering me to panic after and throw it up.
So eating earlier and less food is helping
I worked out I'd been 4 years of no builima,then I try to diet and it comes back .
I think it's like being an alcoholic
Even if your not drinking alcohol,your always an alcoholic
I should of been more on my guard waiting for it to come back , instead of it taking me by suprise

So happy you are doing better monstermunch.

I have managed an extra couple of days without vomiting, am trying very hard to not panic when I have eaten. I had a yoghurt, a juice and some chocolates in the middle of the night last night…, am really proud of myself for keeping it down (it sounds crazy when writing this out).

Well done grandmas meatloaf that's brilliant
I know what you about sounding crazy
And that's why it's not spoken about much as an eating disorder, people always seem shocked and uncomfortable whenever I mentioned it in the past
Yet other eating disorders don't seem to produce such shock when spoken about

Not that I'm in any way trying to put one eating disorder against another
That was just my personal observation when I've tried to discuss with friends

First day without binging for a while today 🙂

Well done!! I was in Overeaters Anonymous for a while and the slogan 'I can do for one day what I could not do for a lifetime' helped me a lot.

Well done everyone who’s working towards improvement!
im well in the midst of it at the moment. This lapse has lasted a good two years. Haven’t consistently binged and purged for this long since the beginning.
ive made it a few days without here and there, but I’m not ready yet.
im working on eating healthier (during the day) and working out, and hopefully it’ll naturally stop, as that’s how I’ve done it in the past.
I binged and purged 4 times last night. I’ve got a teenage daughter, I need to be so mindful of wat I’m doing. Shared some biscuits with her last night, whilst we sat and chatted. Then I went and brought them all up. It’s awful.

today I will eat healthy all day. Healthy tea. Then once I sit in front of the tv I’m done for.
if I do something else, like gardening or decorating or anything really I won’t binge and purge.

Yeah, there's a certain kind of shame around bulimia. I guess it seems wasteful, and obviously most people would hate the idea of being sick on purpose. Also I was kind of jealous of those with anorexia. Like they are doing it 'right', no cheating?! Awful as I've had anorexia and been sectioned and I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemy.
Yeah, it's mad how it makes our minds work.

I'm so pleased for everyone on here taking it a day at a time. X

Thank you, I need to be more mindful of what I'm eating. X

I feel your pain, I had every intention of 'being good' today but got a chippy tea, it was never going to stay down, carbs are a huge trigger, I've been eating this way on and off for several decades, years of better eating but relapsed after children and an abusive relationship. X

Sending virtual support to everyone on this thread, determined there will be no B/P tomorrow. X

Someone up thread mentioned a chippy tea
Utterly love one
But I know I'd bring them back up ,so I don't touch them .
There's a lot of food I won't eat because I know I will be sick
So I always finished a binge with either ice cream or a bowl of cornflakes and milk
So I never eat ice-cream or any cereal and milk because it gives me urges .
Usually carbs is what I'd binge on ,and a chippy tea would be impossible to keep down .
I feel ashamed of all the places I've been sick ,..hiding carrier bags of sick in the house , until I can get to the bin without being seen.
This relapse has only been two lots of being sick ,and I'm determined that's it ,no more ..I need to feel that shame to ensure I do indeed stop.
Good luck everyone else trying hard too xx

I hear you about the chippy tea! It took me thirty years to be able to have half of one and not purge.
You're wise to avoid trigger foods in early days of recovery. I introduced the chippy tea very late in the process.
Ice cream as well, I still find really hard to keep down so I do try avoid that even now. I threw away half a Mr whippy the other day. But mainly because it was shite, lol.

Sending hugs and love for a healthy day x

Did you get your meds for adhd op? Elvanse (adhd med) is prescribed and approved for for binge eating disorder too.

I need to get a diagnosis for ADHD. The waiting list is massive or I think you have to pay about £1-2k for a private legit one.

I was always wary of the meds because a lot of it is like speed. I used to take speed a lot as a teen to feel better and stop my bulimia symptoms. But it does stop you eating properly!

I take Elvanse OP, yes it's an amphetamine but its a far cry from the wrap of speed you've had in the past. It could help with your ADHD and bulima at once. I'm still eating healthy meals, it helps with the 'food noise' and craving to binge. I understand if you feel uncomfortable with the idea but could be worth researching a bit further and getting some more info on it. Are you on the waiting list for ADHD diagnosis? In some places the wait is 8 weeks - so might not be as long as you think. Worth thinking about. Also some UK clinicians do prescribe Elvanse off-label for BED so speak to your GP.

That's really interesting. I'm on the waiting list for an ADHD assessment. I had no idea the meds could help with binge eating.