ED Bulimia - I just can't stop it! Aged 58..... What can I do to help myself?

[sunnysss]

I have had Bulimia since I was about 22, on and off. Off during pregnancy and a few years after, but since lockdown it has reared its ugly head. I keep trying to stop but just can't stop at a sensible amount of food, I just keep going until I can hardly move sometimes. I take HRT since 50 and sertraline for anxiety.
Any advice welcome. I haven't told any doctor - not since my 20s.

I'm at home permanently
Various reasons,no job
And I think that's part of issue
I need to be busy and occupied,my brain doesn't like having nothing to obbess over ,so it creates its own drama with food

Is that the talking therapy CBT
I've got that soon ,again ,for anxiety

Yes talking therapy. It was really insightful and helped me understand the illness better, but it was for binge eating disorder and bulimia so some wasn’t relevant.
I’ve been diagnosed with adhd for a couple of years now too, so that helps me understand my mentality.

good luck with you therapy. Have you had any for bulimia?

That's interesting
I was diagnosed with autism two years ago age 50 ,and they wrote on the paperwork I met the criteria for ADHD during their assessment,but I've got to wait to be formally diagnosed by NHS , hopefully later this year .
I've read about links with eating disorders and ADHD and autism,
I've never had help for bulimia, doctors never took me seriously because I was always overweight
They seem to think for bulimia to be bad you have to be thin

@Monstermunch2its hard isn’t it. I’m always striving to be slim, I eat healthily all day, then undo it all at night with binging and purging. There isn’t a day that goes by that it isn’t on my mind. But unless you’re deathly thin, it isn’t seen as serious.

one thing I learnt is there is no relapsing. Just lapsing. Then you mentally prepare, and try again. There is no failing so long as you pick yourself up and try again, that’s all we can do.

are you taking vitamins?

there is definitely a link between adhd and eating disorders, as we are prone to addictions. And purging releases dopamine.

sometimes I can go all day, telling myself I won’t do it. Then last thing I binge. It’s so frustrating. Last night for example, ate lots of delicious healthy treats, then inhaled an Easter egg. Brought it all up, including the healthy stuff and then went to bed feeling defeated.

@willsandnoodle this all sounds so familiar. Is it just you at home or do you have a partner/kids? It’s hard with my husband as I don’t want to deny him treat food just because I can’t be trusted with it in the house. But then yesterday I must have spent £20+ on buying food for the daylong binge and I was out of the house then!

@Monstermunch2 really hard to be at home or alone all day. Feels dangerous.

@closingtime101 I have a husband and kids. Husband knows, and is supportive. I felt I needed to disclose before we got married.
ive had previous relationships where my mother has threatened to reveal my eating disorder, in a desperate attempt to get me to stop, so I needed to own it with my husband for peace. I’m glad he knows as I talk openly with him about it when I’m struggling.

I bought my husband a safe for his snacks at one point. It sounds crazy what we do. I ate some of my daughter’s Easter egg yesterday, she told me off as I always eat her snacks. I’m so ashamed.

are you receiving medication for ADHD? Would this perhaps help?

I'm ashamed too
I'd successfully won this fight ,or so I thought
But recently dieting brought it all back again,but with a twist.
Instead of binging and being sick ,like I used to ,
I'm trying to diet ,so hardly eating all day ,so I can enjoy a nice dinner,but then panicking after I've eaten it ,and throwing it up ..
So this a new behaviour,and I've got to nip it in the bud before it becomes my new normal.
I'm to old for all this
I'm clinging to the hope some ADHD meds might put things in place for me

Crisps are my binge food ,so I try not to buy them ,I don't want the family to miss out ,so I buy ones I know I don't like ,mainly salt and vinegar hoola hoops as I'd have to be desperate to eat those
Yes being at home all day is dangerous indeed when it comes to food

You can tell from username what my favourite Crisps were 😀

Hello 👋. I have been lurking here over the last few days. I have felt less alone reading about your experiences which are very similar to mine.

I am 52, had an ED since my teens (initially anorexia, later bulimia). I thought I was well over it but I have had some really stressful family events lately and my bulimia came back with a vengeance.

Currently trying to beat it back and being kind to myself.

I've been doing a bit of reading around the issue
And one of the things that came up
Was
If you have issues with food around your teens
It's common for the same problems to come back with menopause
Something to do with our hormones both times .
That's certainly the case for me ,I'm also 52 ..I think ,born in 73

Oh I wish I could help but I really cannot explain why mine resolved. Went through an awful phase during university. Because I was a student, I couldn’t afford all the food to binge so I would steal it out of all the cupboards of people who lived in my floor and they all started noticing but I couldn’t stop! I would wake up at about 2am, binge and binge on slices of bread and bowls of cereal and packets of noodles and then go back to bed. I remember well the feeling of complete helplessness, I was actively eating but there was really nothing I could do to stop myself, like I was on some horrific autopilot.

I guess mine resolved when I left uni and got a job and felt more fulfilled in general, less emotionally unfulfilled. Is that at play with you?

Mountjaro can help - speak to your GP.

I did not know this! It makes a lot of sense, I am also menopausal. I will do some reading around this.

i think it may be a form of coping mechanism, something to dull feelings a bit as there is so much stress in my life.

@postmanshere , that must have been so hard for you, I can relate in a lot of ways. With regards to how I feel, I am unsure what emotionally fulfilled means at this stage. I have a family that I love and I job that I enjoy. However, my hormones are all over the place and there are a lot of very stressful factors (including serious illness in immediate family) which is outside my control.

@Jesss21 , it is not about weight loss as such at the moment, at least not for me. I am a size 14-16, I don’t think (when I am rational) that my life would be much better if I was a size 10. But I still cannot stop restricting/ bingeing…. It doesn’t make sense really….

I’m on medication for adhd and it helps with the food noise. But once it stops being effective, around 7/8pm I’m straight into a binge

Sorry, I should have expanded my point.

I meant that firstly, it reduces urges to overeat and binge; secondly, it helps with ADHD symptoms. Speaking from my own experiences. I think it will go on to be helped use to treat bulimia.

Thinking back to when I was successful stopping the builima

I ate little and often,and no food was restricted
I didn't let myself get starving hungry,and I made sure I had 3 meals and three snacks .
And I kept busy .
Lots of water / liquids and I tried to plan meals that were high in protein and fibre
So I just need to go back to doing all that .
But it feels like a huge mountain to do at the moment

It’s funnny you say eating little and often.. my therapist asked me to eat every 2 hours and not let myself get hungry. When I did this I didn’t want to binge as much. But it goes against everything ive ever done

Me to
And I put so much weight on doing that ..that I'm now trying to loose ,which has set me off again.
It's only been twice though,
So I'm determined to keep it at just twice

Thank you Jess, that makes sense. I am just a bit cautious about weight loss drugs, I know that they are really good - but there are side effects as well 😔

I also try to eat a lot of protein at the moment, it makes me less prone to cravings I think (especially late afternoon, early evening ones)…

I am taking things day by day at the moment, trying so hard to not vomit. I am trying to also eat fruit, vegetables and to frame it to myself as being kind to myself. And to tell myself that even if I overeat, that is ok. It is so hard.

I'm feeling better ,I've managed the last two days not being sick ..it was hard ,I'd got some ice-cream out the freezer ready to eat the lot and be sick ,and I had two mouthfuls then I put it back ..but it took all my strength to do that .
So I'm telling myself this time it's a blip ..mind over matter

I've recently relapsed into BED. It sucks. No advice I'm afraid but sending support to all.