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Original poster

Teens and selfishness

71 replies

Flyhigher · 14/02/2024 19:56

My DD is 16. My dad died of cancer. Within 10 days.
She's selfish as fuck.
I'm sorry. I am just not buying this teens are selfish thing.
I think many people condone their behaviour.
I'm sorry. But I think she's extremely selfish. And am starting not to like her at all.
Help!

It's got to the point that I actually don't want to give her any inheritance of his ever. She has treated me badly. Help!

OP posts:
JMSA · 14/02/2024 20:07

Sorry about your dad. What has your daughter done exactly?

I do feel your pain!

purpleme12 · 14/02/2024 20:12

I'm really sorry OP about your dad.

What's your child done?

Original poster
Flyhigher · 14/02/2024 21:28

Thank you. She's more interested in her Charlotte tilbury lipliner. Then hugging me or even being vaguely civil. She's ignored me. Sneered. Cuddled her dad. Draping herself all over him the whole time.
Ignoring me. I've been begging for some love and affection. She's called me names. Been nasty.
She's vile. Actually really vile. The more I try to write about it the more painful it is.
She is a narcissist.
It's hard to write about this without sounding dramatic.

OP posts:
SchoolQuestionnaire · 14/02/2024 21:40

I honestly feel your pain, I really do. My dd is very similar to yours. I also lost my dm suddenly just over a year ago so I can understand the grief too. It’s awful and I’m really sorry for your loss and everything you are going through.Flowers

Gently, your dd isn’t a narcissist, she’s just a teenager. She’s too young and hormonal to understand how her behaviour is affecting you. I’m sure she is very selfish - mine is too - but please believe me when I say that she will not have a clue how bad you feel because she’s only thinking about herself. Many teens are selfish by nature. That doesn’t make it right, but you can’t expect support from a teenager. She’s still a child and may be grieving herself.

That doesn’t mean that you should be going through this alone. Do you have anyone else who could offer support? Is your husband not providing the love and affection you need at the minute?

Cantrushart · 14/02/2024 21:41

I've got a daddy's girl too. And the total selfishness. I sometimes feel like an outsider in my own home, yet it's still me that is the emotional backstop in a crisis while Daddy shuts up and slides off.

However, DD was recently diagnosed with ASD. I know, I know, the old neurodivergency excuse, but I prefer to believe that she struggles with empathy rather than that she's a cruel narcissist.

Dacadactyl · 14/02/2024 21:42

I think a well placed "my dad has just died....what the absolute fuck do you think youre playing at?" wouldn't go amiss.

MarnieMarnie · 14/02/2024 21:46

I'm sorry for your loss, but you're the grown up and you shouldn't be expecting emotional support from you 16yo daughter. That's your husband's job, and if he isn't stepping up it's not your daughter's responsibility or role to provide an emotional crutch. If she is calling you names then you need to come down hard on it and so does your husband.

Hercisback · 14/02/2024 21:51

A parent and grandparent dying is a new experience for you all. She probably has no idea how to act.

What does you begging for love look like?

Original poster
Flyhigher · 14/02/2024 21:57

SchoolQuestionnaire · 14/02/2024 21:40

I honestly feel your pain, I really do. My dd is very similar to yours. I also lost my dm suddenly just over a year ago so I can understand the grief too. It’s awful and I’m really sorry for your loss and everything you are going through.Flowers

Gently, your dd isn’t a narcissist, she’s just a teenager. She’s too young and hormonal to understand how her behaviour is affecting you. I’m sure she is very selfish - mine is too - but please believe me when I say that she will not have a clue how bad you feel because she’s only thinking about herself. Many teens are selfish by nature. That doesn’t make it right, but you can’t expect support from a teenager. She’s still a child and may be grieving herself.

That doesn’t mean that you should be going through this alone. Do you have anyone else who could offer support? Is your husband not providing the love and affection you need at the minute?

Thank you you seem as if you really understand.
I think she might be a narcissist honestly.
I do not buy into this teens are selfish.
Some teens are. Not all. I don't think this is normal. I really don't.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyhigher · 14/02/2024 21:58

SchoolQuestionnaire · 14/02/2024 21:40

I honestly feel your pain, I really do. My dd is very similar to yours. I also lost my dm suddenly just over a year ago so I can understand the grief too. It’s awful and I’m really sorry for your loss and everything you are going through.Flowers

Gently, your dd isn’t a narcissist, she’s just a teenager. She’s too young and hormonal to understand how her behaviour is affecting you. I’m sure she is very selfish - mine is too - but please believe me when I say that she will not have a clue how bad you feel because she’s only thinking about herself. Many teens are selfish by nature. That doesn’t make it right, but you can’t expect support from a teenager. She’s still a child and may be grieving herself.

That doesn’t mean that you should be going through this alone. Do you have anyone else who could offer support? Is your husband not providing the love and affection you need at the minute?

No. Husband isn't either. It's like they are in some selfish love in together.
He was nasty too. She controls him. It's deeply unhealthy.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyhigher · 14/02/2024 21:59

Dacadactyl · 14/02/2024 21:42

I think a well placed "my dad has just died....what the absolute fuck do you think youre playing at?" wouldn't go amiss.

Oh I have. To both of them. She says you can't keep saying that. On the actual day of the funeral. No less.
He just stared blankly at me.

OP posts:
Original poster
Flyhigher · 14/02/2024 22:00

Hercisback · 14/02/2024 21:51

A parent and grandparent dying is a new experience for you all. She probably has no idea how to act.

What does you begging for love look like?

Well. It looks like her being vile.
Me looking upset. Saying not much. Then saying my dad's died I need some love.

It's ficking pitiful. They are both nasty.
I feel so bad. It's horrific.

OP posts:
SpringIsJustAboutSprung · 14/02/2024 22:01

You have a DH problem if he’s buying into her behaviour and agreeing with it. Yes 16 year olds can be selfish but your DH should be supporting you.

I’m sorry to hear about your dad @Flyhigher the loss of a parent is awful. Flowers

Darklingthrush123 · 14/02/2024 22:02

Yes, don’t look critically at your daughter. This is about your DH. He is modelling unpleasant behaviour to her.

I am so sorry. Is there anyone supportive in your life??

Original poster
Flyhigher · 14/02/2024 22:03

@MarnieMarnie. I think a little affection and love from a 16 year old isn't amiss. On the day of the funeral.
And if she's old enough to have sex she's old enough to give a shit about her granddad dying and her mother being upset on the day of the funeral.

I'm sorry we pander to these selfish teens.

Far too much.

I really want to not be here.

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 14/02/2024 22:04

It's going to be hard to pick apart what's going on with your daughter because of the loss of your dad.
Understandably

Quitelikeit · 14/02/2024 22:05

I am sorry for your loss.

Your daughter cannot understand the gravity of the situation because well she is 16. I don’t think I know any 16 year olds who would drape themselves over their parents.

I think you should readjust your expectations of her.

Not doing so will lead to more disappointment

Original poster
Flyhigher · 14/02/2024 22:11

She's not behaving well. She isn't. I am simply not buying into this she's 16 she doesn't understand.
Even if she doesn't fully understand, you still care a bit. And show some love.
Yes I have a DH problem and a 16 DD problem.

My dad was just wonderful. Not perfect at all. But good. Loving.

I just keep hearing this 16 year olds are selfish mantra. It's just excusing their bad behaviour.

OP posts:
Wooloohooloo · 14/02/2024 22:12

I'm very for the loss of your dad but you need to focus on your DH not DD. Their relationship sounds very odd.

Original poster
Flyhigher · 14/02/2024 22:25

Both relationships are bad. DD is bullying me.

OP posts:
Hercisback · 14/02/2024 22:35

Nothing about this makes sense. Your communication style is coming across as tricky to interpret. You seem to have a DH problem but who really knows. I'd be interested to read their version of events.

OTOH they could be utter bullying twats...

Boymum2104 · 14/02/2024 22:40

Your DH should be emotionally supporting you so you do not need to rely on DD

Original poster
Flyhigher · 15/02/2024 00:37

Both my daughter and my husband are being unsupportive and difficult.
This is not hard to understand.
My dad died. Both are being selfish and unpleasant.

I do not understand why so many people just keep justifying a selfish 16 year old's behaviour as being just part of being a teen.

It's not.

16 year olds can understand the pain a bit of loss. Ones with empathy can. And do not start to tell me that it's part of being a teen to not feel empathy.

No it's not. It's being a selfish person.

OP posts:
Boymum2104 · 15/02/2024 00:59

Have you thought your DD might also be hurting but dealing with it in different ways?

Original poster
Flyhigher · 15/02/2024 01:06

Sorry but I do not understand her behaviour.
And I'm not agreeing that it's hurt she's normal.

Not even Mumsnet can help support me a bit.

Its hellish. Help.

OP posts: