Always saying the wrong thing

[Suchatwat24]

Does this happen to anyone else??

My mouth always seems to run away from me. It's like my brain's screaming no, but I still just say it- almost in a panic. I've always said the wrong thing, or just gone too far. I always have to tell the truth- I have to put it out there, especially if it's an injustice I have noticed.

I think I say the thing that maybe others think but know not to say, but I think it's OK to say.

I'm a really kind, sensitive person and would go a million miles to make someone feels good about themselves, but I find myself in situations where I've got it wrong and upset someone. I then just absolutely hate myself, because who would do that?? Who would say the wrong thing?? I've hurt dh tonight and I feel bad for him and bad for me- cos here we are again. It's like I have no control, like I'm drunk. I don't drink. He's sick of me and I'm sick of me. How do I stop it?

Have you considered counselling?

You posted in the Mental Health channel, it has been a complicated thread and there is a lot going on.

As I said at the outset, maybe you need to investigate what is happening.

No one has said you should water down your personality, it is interesting you are taking that away from the thread.

Yes I might consider it.

I am taking that away, yes. I feel I'm 'too much'. Probably just need to chill more and be less excitable and opinionated. Nobody wants to hear it, do they!!

@SpeculatingRooks thank you!! I'm quite marmite, I guess!

Maybe dh has got more insecure and private. More insular and less trusting of others.

I think unless you feel able to give an actual example of what you do and say to/about your husband it's hard to say who's 'wrong' as it now with updates seems to be swaying to your opinion that your husband is the one who may be unwell/paranoid? Maybe dh has got more insecure and private. More insular and less trusting of others.

@Bestyearever2024 i think it’s likely your lack of empathy and perhaps some ignorance for want of a better word that’s the issue.. As I said it’s not in my control. I don’t say anything mean. I’m not sat there waiting to insult someone!

I’d kindly recommend some D&I training.

For future ref - comparing it to taking a shit in the middle of the office is unkind.

I think people are wrong you're choosing to do it. I am a quite shy and introverted person but once I get talking I often get carried away, will say things (not rude things, just idiosyncratic or very emphatic) that in the moment seem absolutely fine and then I go home and realize I didn't want to say them, I just got caught up in the moment and lost my judgement I guess. I've stopped drinking because of it but it happens without drink too. It's not as simple as "you wouldn't shit in the office" though people here really do love things to be very simple don't they.

From your first post I thought - it's either anxiety or ASD (although anxiety is highly comorbid with ASD).
Then you said things like 'black and white thinking' and 'I have to tell the truth' and I'm 'too much' and 'I'm very sensitive' and 'I know the rules at work' - and I'd say that is all very much adding up to ASD.

Reading up on it might help you understand yourself and be a bit kinder and more understanding towards yourself.

@Latewinter spot on! It is about getting caught up and lack of judgement. Or should we have the confidence to say these things? Or do people just see us as odd?

Can you give an example of the type of thing you say that makes people 'look at you agog' so we can understand you better? It's hard to tell if you really are doing something wrong or if it's just your DH having an issue with you. Being open and honest with your dc sounds like it's a good thing to me.

I can relate.
I tried to work on this and I noticed that my brain was actually telling me when I was about to say something bad but I was ignoring the signal.
What I would do would be to override the signal by thinking "nah I'm sure it's fine to say".
What I've changed: every time I'm aware of the signal, I don't say it. Even if the risk seems low. Don't say it.
The problem has almost disappeared since I started doing this.

Confidence to say what though? And agree with your husband re It's not negative AT ALL, but it seems that he thinks it is, but it wasn't my information to share.
If its his personal info that he thinks is negative, it absolutely wasn't your info to share!