Fighting urge to cut all my hair off

[Veryirritating]

I feel like hacking all my hair off. Is that self harm?

Of all your problems OP, a haircut isn’t one of them.

Its not self harm. Why are you worried about doing it?

Not thinking of a haircut, I’m fighting the urge to hack all my hair off. I’m worried about having to explain what I have done afterwards to psychiatrist and therapist. That is what has stopped me so far.

You’re overthinking this. They’d only ask you why.

That’s all. They might have an idea why - urges are surprisingly universal.

Seems quite attention-seeking behaviour though. I’m thinking my heart will give out before long anyway due to the lack of nutrition

@Veryirritating If only I could say something to help you, but I know it’s your journey. I sincerely hope you get through this, survive, and send you all good wishes and strength for the road ahead.

You clearly need some proper help. I hope you share these thoughts with your psychiatrist.

Self harm is not the answer. You deserve to be alive and at peace.

Signed, former anorexic who was put in palliative care.

Living is worth it.

Do you think you 'enjoy' seeing it because it feels like proof you are starving? And the reason you don't want to seek help for it is what it may mean in terms of medical intervention?

A couple of things you've said have me concerned for your safety. Do you live alone?

I'm so sorry that someone has made you feel that you don't deserve to live happily. I truly hope that the part of you that wants you to survive stays strong enough to keep you in the world, because I know from experience that things do get better.

Do you trust your therapist? Do they know how you're feeling at the moment?

Thanks so much for all the caring replies. MNetters can be lovely sometimes and it does help to be able to share my true thoughts and feelings in a safe place without any implications.
I can’t really be totally honest with my psychiatrist because he has threatened to get me sectioned recently as he gets concerned about me and he knows I am terrified of that as it happened years ago and I couldn’t get out of the hospital.

Could you call the Samaritans? You need to be able to talk to someone.
Would you feel comfortable telling us anything about yourself? Do you have any pets?

I see the hiccough, OP. Everyone’s scared of being sectioned. Well or otherwise. Me too 😀

I very much doubt you’ll be sectioned for telling her/him that. It’s not serious harm, is it. It is not.

So you’re ok to share. I’d also tell them of your fear - they’ll get it.

Have you tried - bear with me - a deep conditioning mask or similar. I have trich (hair pulling out, doesn’t count as self harm) and the different feeling and a cooler head reset one somewhat.

The upside of the horrendous state of mental health services atm is that it's incredibly hard to get someone sectioned because there aren't any beds, so you're probably less at risk of this than you fear. Understandable that you're worried about it though.

When you've felt really bad in the past, what has helped you climb out?

We’re so sorry to hear that you’re feeling like this, OP. We wanted to share Mind's information with you - it has practical tips on what you can do when you feel like this and where to get urgent help. Maybe take a look and see if there’s anything which might be helpful right now: https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/self-harm/helping-yourself-now

You sound like a nice person op. If cutting your hair would make you feel reinvented then why not? I had anorexia after a bad divorce. And malnutrition with an open sore on my face. 15 years later my life is very different.. Been happy for 10 years. Actually quite happily a stone or 2 overweight now. Find something else to control op. If that's hair growth then so be it.

Hacked it all off with scissors in front of the TV without looking.
Quite satisfied that I look even more gruesome than before
Not sure what happens now. Hat to cover it up I suppose.

I had this urge the other day. Suddenly really understood 2007 Britney when she shaved her head. They say hair stores memories and I felt like I wanted to shed it all. Is there a way you can sit with the feeling and release it some other way? Writing down feelings and ripping them up or burning them in a safe way?

Hi @JamSandle Glad to hear I am not alone. I wish I hadn’t done it now as I feel ridiculous and need to find a way to cover it up if I go out of the house.
Woolly hat won’t be any good when the weather gets warmer. What a moron.

It will grow back :)

True, I just need to explain it in the meantime

Op do you have children?

I used to self harm as a teen. As an adult I cut my hair instead.

Sometimes I regret it if I've cut off too much, but it's hair, it grows back, and it's SO much healthier and less damaging than self harm.

Of all the coping mechanisms out there, it's one of the least damaging

Hi OP, I’m really sorry to hear that you are feeling so low and are not able to love and care for yourself in the way you need. Please talk to someone in real life. The idea of being sectioned is terrifying but it could be the first step to getting well. I know someone whose life has been transformed since being sectioned and she was ill for a long time before that.

If it helps, I also have poor MH and I often have the urge to shave my head. Very complex reasons - wanting to look unattractive and therefore untouchable, wanting to externalise my internal shame and self-hatred in some way. I sometimes cut bits off but have never shaved it as I know my children would be shocked and upset. That’s the only thing that stops me really. I am in recovery from binge eating which I use to numb my feelings rather than starving myself but it is still a form of self-harm. Please speak to someone. You deserve to be well even if you don’t think that’s true at the moment.

No, why?

Thanks @Mementomorissons that makes me feel better.

Thank you @IsadoraBathrobe , that is so kind.
I’m not at any risk of being sectioned anymore, thankfully but I do feel ridiculous for hacking my hair off and now I can’t have my MH appointments because I don’t want anyone to see.
I’m sorry you are suffering too but pleased that you are in recovery from binge eating.
It really does help to hear positive experiences from others who know what it feels like.