Now that I am older, I can not see how I will ever overcome my lifelong health anxiety

[Picklemeyellow]

It’s not just health anxiety, I have had poor mental health since a small child. I have ocd, various anxieties, depression and disordered eating (ARFID).

Even when I was a small child I had existential anxieties and fears and because no one has, or will ever be able to give me clear and definitive answers to my questions about life and death, I end up with more questions than answers.

But now that I am 50 and watching my mum slowly suffering from Alzheimer’s and my MIL die a horrible and painful death from metastasised bowel cancer, I fear disease and old age more than ever.

I worry so much about heading into my older years especially as I have had 2 decades of digestive and gynae issues which are only getting worse as I age and despite endless tests and told all well (although currently awaiting on results of a recent pelvic mri for potential endometriosis, which has only served to ramp up my anxiety even more), I am feeling worse than ever. I am also in perimenopause which is obviously not helping the situation at all.

I have tried to overcome this with years of CBT and I really do try to implement this all into tackling this fear but it really doesn’t stop the fear or panic at all.

How can I enjoy older age with a chronic health condition, poor mental health and this never ending existential angst?

Was your mother/grandmother a worrier? And did religion feature in your childhood? (I ask as it's unusual to get to your age and still be questioning life after death).

Eyesopenwideawake I do come from a family of anxiety sufferers on my mums side but we are and have never been religious. I do appreciate my life long worry and anxiety is most probably learnt behaviour but it’s just getting so much worse.

I can’t imagine how this must be day in day out for you op.
It sounds utterly miserable and relentless.

Do you think that anyone can offer anything that will change your trajectory after a lifetime of therapy and destructive thinking?
what I mean is, has anyone ever said anything that has been like a lightbulb moment and has helped you?

I am really curious. (I have a relative with severe health anxiety and feel terribly helpless, would love to know what to say and how to help).

It IS possible to unlearn behaviour that's been so deep rooted. Your subconscious mind believed this to be the correct way to think way back in your childhood and hasn't changed since then. CBT deals with the conscious mind so won't touch those core beliefs. Have a look at my AMA on remedial hypnosis.

It is utterly miserable.
I honestly don’t know if anyone could possible say/offer anything to change the way I think or feel differently about this because no one on this planet right now has the answer to my questions. My husband says it doesn’t even cross his mind, he can not understand why I contemplate it so much and in all honesty I don’t know why either, I wish I could shove it to the back of my mind.

I suppose I wasn’t so bad in my 30’s or 40’s but when I was 40 we lost our 4 year old niece to a brain tumour and now with my mum suffering with dementia these experiences have brought this underlying fear to a head again.

I really do try to see things from a different point of view. I know we are all essentially in the same boat, we are all going to eventually pass away, no one is immune to that, I know. You would think that in itself, the fact amongst all of our differences we share that one common connection, we will all die. Yet the fear is still heavily engrained deep within me.
I try living out my life with joy and if you saw me you would think that I seemed a happy maybe even contented human being but that’s not how I feel within my core. Deep down I think ‘What’s the point in doing this or that if we are all going to leave this place one day and never come back’.
It’s a deep set thought process which struck me at a young age and hasn’t left me.

That sounds more like post-traumatic stress disorder. You might have more luck with EMDR or another trauma therapy.

Thank you Eyesopenwideawake thata given me hope. I will go and take a look.

exoticmicrophone I have had EMDR but it’s was during Covid times and via Zoom, I didn’t feel that it benefitted me much but I often wonder if it face to face may be more helpful.

Have you been assessed for autism? I was diagnosed in my late forties. OCD, eating issues, anxiety and obsessions can all be part of it. I started my existential anxiety aged 5 or 6 .
Your need for a definite answer also screams autism to me.
Maybe look into that?

I have the exact same : what's the point as we're all going to die? My therapist thinks it is black and white rigid thinking due to my autism.

I have no evidence for this other than my own gut response, but I'm not persuaded that EMDR would be the same over Zoom as being physically in the same space. We interact differently with screens and I'm not sure that it would engage your brain the same way - I don't know if there is any evidence or research supporting EMDR on screen.

I imagine it also would have been more difficult to establish a therapeutic relationship to ground the work?

I wondered this as well. Chimes with my dd who was diagnosed in her teens

Try meditation? It helps you learn how to be in the present moment and not be controlled by your emotions. You can’t change the future so you need to learn how to stop thinking about it. Literally the only point of life is to enjoy the here and now, but you’re missing it because you’re too busy worrying about the inevitable future.

My daughter has had some serious medical problems since she was 14, is now 28 and issues are still ongoing. She’s suffering mentally due to this and has been diagnosed with complexPTSD, her psychiatrist says she needs trauma based counselling, dialectical behaviour therapy has been suggested as well as EMDR, now waiting for an appointment.

Whatever you do don’t use Better Help, absolute waste of time, made my daughter so much worse, bloody useless, she’s made a complaint about the therapist.

I completely get you, fellow sufferer myself. I also believe I'm at the age where it's too late to get help, who can possibly cure high-level ocd and anxiety without a lobotomy is my thinking 🤔 I just get on with it, knowing this is just me, would be wonderful to have some help but just can't see any? X

I take duloxetine for my health anxiety and will do so until I die. I am 46. It has been transformative for me. I also think life is pretty pointless so I try to have as much fun as i can!!

I’m in an identical situation op and am the same age as you. It truly is a miserable existence.
I will listen to any suggestions which may help.

I have been thinking about autism a lot over recent years, I had never given it any thought before but started looking into adhd for my dd and the more I delved, the more I started to feel ND conditions made so much sense. I had a lot of issues as a child, more than I’ve listed on here and many weird ‘quirks’ which I carry with me as an adult. My husband believe I am ND.
But I can not afford to get a private assessment and am so afraid my GP won’t take me seriously as I e had so many years of being told all my issues are ‘just’ anxiety driven and even if she does it’s a 4 year wait in my area.

Are you on medication, OP?

exoticmicrophone maybe I should look into trying it again but face to face?
Sirian I have been practicing meditation via the Calm app for a couple of years. I have been trying very hard to focus on the present moment since reading Eckhart Tolle’s The Power of Now.
Snippit I really feel for your daughter, I’ve tried Better Therapy and Therapy for You, sadly I’ve not been too impressed by either.
Jeannie88 you have my utter sympathy.
Do you feel the Duloxetine helps dampen down the fear Haggisfish3?
TellySavalashairbrush I really hope some suggestions help you, it’s truly miserable, isn’t it?

AppropriateAdult I’ve tried Sertraline and Citalopram, both made me quite poorly as I have IBS and they wrecked my stomach. I do have a prescription for fluoxetine but it’s a double edged sword with health anxiety as I fear they will make me feel unwell as the others had!

Eyesopenwideawake I can’t find your AMA, do you have a link?

If your dd has ADHD then it is so statistically likely to be that you are Autistic. I have seen 96 year old grandmothers being diagnosed because their grandchildren and children get diagnosed and they decide to test too.
Unfortunately so many women get misdiagnosed with all sorts of mental health conditions because doctors simply ignore ND women. AFRID/OCD, health anxiety/literal thinking/CBT not working/gut issues are so common amongst women with Autism. I would really recommend doing research and even if you don't ever get tested, if you follow recommendations for women with autism and they work then it doesn't matter.

This.

Your pattern, type and length of difficulties scream undiagnosed autism (I am a professional in the field).

Go get assessed it may change your life,

My dd had her assessment in the summer, via the NHS, the consultant concluded dd did not have adhd, I personally don’t agree but as I’m no expert there is nothing I can do, she was discharged that day.
Tbh, the experience has put me off going via the NHS, the consultant was extremely patronising and very dismissive.
Thank you for your advice, I will start looking into female autism a bit further.