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Original poster

What the hell just happened??!!!

62 replies

Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:03

I was having a very triggering argument with my partner which ended badly. I've been awful about our relationship for a long while for various reasons. My mental health has been up the walls because of it and I've been having back to back panic attacks everyday.

Well after this discussion I had flashbacks of some pretty traumatic events that played out one after the other. Then after that I tried to work out what was going on but I felt really distant from myself. I suffer with dissociation but this was different. It felt (and still feels) like a heavy block has been put in my head and although my partner was trying to communicate with me I couldn't get my body to respond. Then for a short while I couldn't think at all let alone remember. I started freaking out because my brain wouldn't physically let me recall who my partner was. He reassured me who he was and said he was scared.

It's partially passed now but I still feel like someone is sitting on my head. I had to really concentrate to remember what I've done today but it feels like the person who did those things isn't me and im looking back on someone else's memories.

The whole thing has scared the heck out of me. I've never experienced this before. Was it a mini break down? Do I need to go to a psychiatric ward

OP posts:
Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:05

TW To not drip feed flash backs included abuse and physically painful events that have happened to me.

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Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:06

I just don't feel like I'm the same person I was before this argument and its really distressing me. Help!

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Whatevershallidowithmylife · 06/12/2023 00:08

I think you've had a massive panic attack and your brain has effectively "shut you down" to calm you down. You will be absolutely exhausted and likely the weight you feel is a migrane coming on. Do you have a counsellor?

Coolstorysis · 06/12/2023 00:09

Maybe call the crisis team in your area (AFAIK it's open to anyone) they may be able to talk you through things and advise. Are you safe?

Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:10

@Whatevershallidowithmylife is that a thing? I've never heard of it. I'm terrified the stress has trigger some sort of amnesia. I have children. I can't have this happen

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Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:11

@Coolstorysis will they forcibly admit me? I'm scared I'm mental right now.

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Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:13

I'm just hoping someone will come along and explain that they've had the same to reassure me. I just want to know what exactly it was I experienced

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Whatevershallidowithmylife · 06/12/2023 00:13

It is a thing for me anyway. Are you safe at home,,is your partner still there?

Coolstorysis · 06/12/2023 00:13

No they won't, honestly. They will talk to you first and try and find out what's going on.

Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:14

@Whatevershallidowithmylife you've had it before? Can you explain how it is for you if you don't mind? I'm just trying to wrap my head around it. My partner is still here yes. I'm safe.

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Whatevershallidowithmylife · 06/12/2023 00:19

It's a massive positive you've calmed down enough to post on here looking for advice. For me it's like I black out, the best way I can explain is that my brain just takes over to protect me and basically shuts me down. After it I would be so exhausted I'd generally develop a migrane and would have to sleep and I would be out cold. That's when I knew that I needed some more support.

GotTheTshirtx1000 · 06/12/2023 00:20

I think it's worth asking your partner to write down what happened (no need for details of the distressing flashbacks) but maybe how it started and timescales.

I would call out of hours/ crisis team and ask for advice. Have a cup of tea. Maybe a bath to help you calm down, some relaxing music or a funny film while you wait for them to call you back.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 06/12/2023 00:23

As @Coolstorysis suggested, can you call the crisis team, and no, they won't admit you, but they really are the experts to help you. Good ideas from@GotTheTshirtx1000 too. Try to take back control.

Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:29

@Whatevershallidowithmylife how was you able to identify what they were? Did you get in contact with a crisis team about them yourself

I'm feeling genuinely freaked out about the experience and still not 100 percent myself. Its like the more I try to remember the more my brain pushes back. I remember my children and basics. But that's about it.

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Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:31

I'm really scared the crisis team will take me away from my children or declare me unfit as a mum

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Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:39

Going to bump this thread as I'm really distressed and need some support

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GotTheTshirtx1000 · 06/12/2023 00:44

They won't take your children because you have asked for help. X

Take some deep breaths

MadAndGlad · 06/12/2023 00:44

A blind panic? I've had that head crushing feeling while I was having severe panic attacks. Once you've managed to control it(not easy I know) Things should gradually resort to normal. Seek help with how to manage panic attacks.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 06/12/2023 00:49

@Latenightmess many years of MH issues and counselling tbh. You're clearly still in panic mode which is totally understandable but you need to try to put some of your calming down tools into practice now. Until you've calmed down you won't be able to figure anything out. I know it's hard but you need to try to stop the panic. Are you on medication?

hellsBells246 · 06/12/2023 00:51

I've been awful about our relationship for a long while for various reasons. My mental health has been up the walls because of it and I've been having back to back panic attacks everyday.

So what's been going on?

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 06/12/2023 00:52

You're not an unfit mum because you're here, you're making sense and you know you're struggling. That makes you a very good mum because you're reaching out for help. Unless you are likely to harm them or yourself the crisis team will help.

Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:54

Okay so I just called the crisis line...the guy said he has never heard anything like it before and that was that. Now I'm freaking out more because he made it sound abnormal

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Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:55

So much for a reassurance. He was no help at all.

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Blinkityblonk · 06/12/2023 00:55

I think what you experienced is a type of disassociation, at the more extreme end, caused by the stress and then trauma replay. I'm.not an expert in mental health though. I would call the crisis team, they won't take your children away, the one who is most frightened right now is you. In a disassociated episode you can lose memories and even feel like a different person, it's like a more extreme state of derealization or depersonalization if you get those, which I have. Don't panic, it might just be extreme stress brought it on or the start of something that needs treating, but you can get support and treatment for this.