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Original poster

What the hell just happened??!!!

62 replies

Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:03

I was having a very triggering argument with my partner which ended badly. I've been awful about our relationship for a long while for various reasons. My mental health has been up the walls because of it and I've been having back to back panic attacks everyday.

Well after this discussion I had flashbacks of some pretty traumatic events that played out one after the other. Then after that I tried to work out what was going on but I felt really distant from myself. I suffer with dissociation but this was different. It felt (and still feels) like a heavy block has been put in my head and although my partner was trying to communicate with me I couldn't get my body to respond. Then for a short while I couldn't think at all let alone remember. I started freaking out because my brain wouldn't physically let me recall who my partner was. He reassured me who he was and said he was scared.

It's partially passed now but I still feel like someone is sitting on my head. I had to really concentrate to remember what I've done today but it feels like the person who did those things isn't me and im looking back on someone else's memories.

The whole thing has scared the heck out of me. I've never experienced this before. Was it a mini break down? Do I need to go to a psychiatric ward

OP posts:
Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:56

@Blinkityblonk he just told me to speak to my gp as he never heard of anything like it. I'm feeling utterly alone and weirded out right now

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monsteramunch · 06/12/2023 00:57

Oh OP I'm so sorry you're having this horrible experience.

If it wasn't for your worry about the children being taken away, would you reach out to professionals for help?

If so, please do. The threshold for children being removed is so, so high that it's staggeringly unlikely this will happen. Especially as you're asking for support which shows you are determined to be a responsible, loving parent.

It's in the children's best interests for you to seek help, it really is Flowers

In the immediate future, try a grounding technique called the 5,4,3,2,1 method. It's helpful for de escalating racing thoughts.

What the hell just happened??!!!
Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 00:57

@monsteramunch the crisis member did not help me at all! Now I'm feeling lost

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Blinkityblonk · 06/12/2023 00:58

He sounds crap! I found the name of this within 2 min of googling as I recognised it a bit and know someone who had a similar experience. You do need support but this is not some u heard of condition, disassociation is quite common in different forms.

GotTheTshirtx1000 · 06/12/2023 00:58

Maybe he's new, he's not a specialist so don't worry. This episode can be turned into a positive in that it could help you get more support. It sounds like you have been through a lot, don't be hard on yourself. Try to do some deep breathing for a minute while the kettle boils.

monsteramunch · 06/12/2023 00:59

Ugh I'm sorry the crisis line were so unhelpful.

You can try Samaritans - they don't just help people who have thoughts of harming themselves.

I've found them very kind and supportive in the past.

www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/if-youre-having-difficult-time/

Here's what they say on their site:

What to do if you're not feeling okay.
You can get in touch about anything that’s troubling you, no matter how large or small the issue feels.

Call us now for free on 116 123
More about calling us
We're here to listen, no judgement, no pressure, and help you work through what's on your mind. We'll never tell you what to do.

Pussygaloregalapagos · 06/12/2023 00:59

You might have had a TGA. I had never heard of it but it happened to a friend of mine. It is Transient Global Amnesia. Temporary memory loss basically, can be triggered by something stressful.

Blinkityblonk · 06/12/2023 01:00

He is so not an expert! Do talk to the GP though or someone with a bit more mental health expertise.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 06/12/2023 01:01

That's rubbish he was no help. Do you feel a bit calmer having spoken to a real person though?

Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 01:01

@Blinkityblonk I really appreciate you, and everyone else, taking the Time out to advise and research for me.

I suffer with dissociation almost 24/7 but never to the point that I've forgotten anything or not felt like I'm me if that makes sense. That is what is freaking me out the most about this. Even my partner was scared witnessing it.

The weird thing is I remember not remembering if that makes sense. Which makes me think it can't be an amnesia episode. I just want someone to tell me what it was and that I'm not crazy

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Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 01:02

@Pussygaloregalapagos that sounds terrifying? I hope its not a reoccurring thing??

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Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 01:03

@Whatevershallidowithmylife not really, if anything I feel particularly underwhelmed. Talking on here however is helping. I'm extremely thankful to all of you otherwise I don't know what I'd be doing right now

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Whatevershallidowithmylife · 06/12/2023 01:04

You're not crazy, you've just had something happen you're not familiar with and it's bloody terrifying!

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 06/12/2023 01:06

Do you have a good relationship with your GP or access to a MH nurse or counsellor?

Mouthouch · 06/12/2023 01:06

I am no expert but maybe it could be somekind of ptsd thing. I am sorry crisis team were so unhelpful! Well done for reaching out. Try to relax this evening and let your brain rest. I know easier said than done!

Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 01:07

@Whatevershallidowithmylife not really. I'm doing cbt at the moment but as its more anxiety based and not counselling per say she doesn't know any of the stresses going on or goes into it.

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Blinkityblonk · 06/12/2023 01:09

If you look up dissociation it does include feeling like a different person, memory loss and identity confusion, and also says it can be triggered by flashbacks, go on the MIND website. The mind is a strange thing bit it will protect you if the trauma is too much. I think it was just a more extreme example of dissociation. I hope you can reach out and get support, the system can be hard to navigate but GP and/or crisis team in morning might be a place to start, don't let one guy put you off. I've heard of this before so try not to worry.

Whatevershallidowithmylife · 06/12/2023 01:13

If you can speak to your CBT contact in the morning hopefully they can find you some help. I need go sign off now, I'm so sorry but my painkiller meds are kicking in! I was glad to be awake to see your post though and you do see to be a bit calmer. I will check back in the morning here, please do try get some rest and remember you're a great mum and they won't take your kids away because you're asking for help x

Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 01:16

Thanks everyone so much, I'm going to try and sleep and like was suggested, "reset." I'm hoping to feel clearer minded tomorrow and will report back. I will bring it up with my therapist as well.

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Curtainscurtains · 06/12/2023 08:18

Blinkityblonk · 06/12/2023 00:55

I think what you experienced is a type of disassociation, at the more extreme end, caused by the stress and then trauma replay. I'm.not an expert in mental health though. I would call the crisis team, they won't take your children away, the one who is most frightened right now is you. In a disassociated episode you can lose memories and even feel like a different person, it's like a more extreme state of derealization or depersonalization if you get those, which I have. Don't panic, it might just be extreme stress brought it on or the start of something that needs treating, but you can get support and treatment for this.

I would second this. It is very frightening but not a sign of anything sinister. Just a sign that you do need help now.

Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 10:33

Morning everyone. I've woken up with what feels like still a block in my head that I can't shift. I also feel incredibly tired. Unusually so. I really struggled to get up. I honestly feel like someone has hit my head.

My partner has so lovingly asked me what even was with you last night. I'm still as clueless and none the wiser but I feel really far from myself and just want it to go.

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Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 10:43

I really feel like I've taken a blow to the head. My whole head hurts all around..is this normal? I feel like I could sleep the day away

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doricgirl80 · 06/12/2023 10:52

I don't know if it helps but I have experience of this and it's a form of depersonalisation for me and leaves me feeling very foggy and confused and I've also got totally lost in places I know because I couldn't recognise them.

It's very weird and distressing but I found that knowing more about it and reminding myself it's not dangerous helped a lot. I did some attentional training which was useful and learned to recognise what triggers it too.

Tbh they key things that help me in that state are sleep and Valium and just nurturing myself. Unfortunately I've found that crisis services don't really understand what it is or how to respond helpfully.

Grounding exercises and trying to focus on getting into a calmer space are probably the best things you can do right now. Which I know is hard when you're freaking out but I hope knowing you're not alone is a tiny but helpful.

Original poster
Latenightmess · 06/12/2023 12:27

It's really weird that the crisis team, that are presumably meant to be mental health professionals aren't able to identify what this is.

It makes me feel freakish. I just wanted someone to tell me it's okay, it's heard of, and that I'll be alright. My partner is being really spiteful to me today which isn't helping my brain fog. It feels like I'm fighting to stay present and my brain wants to shut down again

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