Am I invisible?

[emblestrembles]

Don't I count?
Don't I wear the right clothes?
Don't I drive the right car?
Is it because I am just a childminder?
Doesn't my husband earn enough so I can be a stay at home mum?
Aren't I slim enough?
Does my 2:1 degree not make me educated enough?
Is it because I have a Northern accent?
Is it because I say the wrong things?
Am I too young?
Am I not a nice person?
Have I done something wrong?

Honey, some days even the bloody automatic hand dryer in the loo doesn't register I'm there.
((HUGS)) Chin up

Apart from the childminder bit......you are actually me. Shall we find an invisble corner of the playground to stand in? You OK?

I've seen you!

Why do you feel like this emb? Is it just the 'normal' every day self loathing and self depreciating everyone does, or is it beginning to feel more like a long term depression? Or.. has someone said something to you?
FWIW my mum is 'just' a childminder, but is vv good at it and is very well respected within her field.
I went to uni but never completed so your 2:1 makes me look pants

Monkeybutler, you can't just go off in the corner with emb's now i'm left alone!!

I couldnt be a childminder if it was the last job on earth - I am a woefully inadequade mum to mine never mind anyones elses. You are doing one of the hardest most responsible jobs in the world being a mum. It has shit hours, shit pay, shit job satisfaction, shit status etc.

I have felt like this all my life, like on the Learn Direct advert where people walk round with a jogsaw piece missing - I dont know what it is. I feel different, like I am watching life go by. Does any of this sound failiar to you?

I mean Jigsaw obviously

embletrembles, sorry to hear you're feeling the way you are. I think everyone has moments of feeling insecure and having low self esteem. Not that I am belittling your feelings. It truly is a horrid place to be.

Keep posting

No monkey you meant jogsaw! you see you are woefully inadequate after all, you even underestimated yourself on that count
Tongue v.firmly in cheek!

Gosh, I have to work to supplement income and I do a bit of childminding as well. Never thought for a moment I should feel inadequate about it.

Too young? No such thing. Wait until you're Too Old then you'll have something to complain about.

I also got 2:1 and wear crap clothes. My DH said I look like a Roma Gypsy the other day coz I'm always in brown and purple.

My whole life I have never felt that I do or say the right things to fit in with any group which is of relevance to me at a given time. One of the only advantages that age has brought is that I no longer care, well most of the time.

You are certainly articulate enought

I feel like I don't fit in most of the time too, but instead of thinking it's me with a problem I think it's everyone else!

Sorry, that was so self-involved wasn't it?!

Thanks for all your responses. I got almost physically pushed aside in the queue picking up child at pre-school today. Like I wasn't even there - and i was carrying my baby son too.

Made me smile though with your replies - esp you Spaceman!

Makes me wonder why if there are so many of us invisibles out there we don't speak up to each other. Maybe we don't even see each other, god thats sad.

I always presume everyone else is kind of 'sorted' iyswim. That is really sad though is'nt it.

Oh, glad you're feeling a bit more upbeat now. You're right that everyone definately feels the same though.

That's so rude being pushed out of the way in the school queue. When someone is like that to me I just pity them. After all, it's you who's left thinking that THEY are the arsehole, not the other way around!

I agree Scummy. I always assume everyones 'gets' life. Like they are all sorted. Did something abnormal today at school pick up. A kid had picked up a flurescent marker off the floor and started writing on a door with it. He is 4 and in nursery. Anyway, his mum is a WAG - they occupy the Ugg boots and scarves corner of the playground - yes we have them in Manc too - so I approached her and was dead nice and told her he was being 'artistic' on the wall. She was fine and all the other mums were well impressed. Small victories but I guess I do care what other people think.

The playgrounds of this country are full enough of mums we can SEE, christ, think of the overcrowding if the rest of us appeared!