Blimey MN - harsh to delete a thread when someone’s stated how desperate they’re feeling.
@BelleMia if you’re still reading…
My son is a cat - still my child - my son - he is the love of my life.
What will happen to your cat if you go ahead with your plan?
And yes - I have someone in my life that thinks Im disgusting and stupid and ugly.
It seems unlikely that he thinks that about you. If he does, then that says a lot more about him than it does about you.
Like every other person in my life. Because who wants to be in a relationship with me?
You’re catastrophising because you’re very unwell. Please speak to your crisis team. 🙏 The fact that you have had a relationship of sorts disproves your statement that no man will ever want you.
You call it selfish?
I said it’s selfish if you have a child.
Suffering for 30 years is selfish? Fighting everyday to stay alive is selfish?
That’s not what I said.
If your life is perfect, Im really happy for you honestly.
It’s not, and I have felt suicidal many times.
If I was worthy and good enough and something in life?
You are.
Yes, then it was selfish.
Those things don’t have any bearing on whether suicide is a selfish act.
If I die and 1 or 2 people suffer? What then? That is not selfish. To live for 2 people who are happy, and I have to suffer.
My statement was that it’s selfish if you have a child (because of the suffering it would cause, and because I feel that once one has a child, that child should always come first). But you’ve clarified that you didn’t mean a human child.
You mention one or two people would suffer if you died - who are they?
So what now, should I just carry on like this forever? Try standing in my shoe's - and well talk again.
I think you should urgently reach out for help - not just online but by talking to your psychiatrist and psychologist today.