There's no point to my life

[Sad12]

Is the conclusion I've come to. I just exist on this planet and go through the motions. After 15 years of this, many different anti depressants, multiple psychiatrists and countless different counsellors trying different therapies I'm thinking this is just how my life is and I don't think I can do another potentially 40 or 50 years of this. I was driving today hoping for a crash.

I don't really know why I'm posting just that I have no one to talk to.

Please hold on. There is relief, there is help keep pushing for it.

I have felt like you - but better now

what are you thinking?

I don't want you to do it.

The world is a better place with you in it. You can do things and you might just unknowingly have done something good for someone.

Things change. They really do. But if you are not here there is nothing else. There is nothing to change.

The world is definitely a better place with you in it.

I hear you. Make lists of the positives and seek them out and be your authentic self

I'm thinking that I would like to swap places with someone who has a terminal disease but wants to live.
Also wondering if I could hire a hit man for myself.

But if there wasn't a purpose or a reason for you, then you wouldn't exist.
I don't know how you feel and I won't patronise you by saying that one day you will suddenly have a revelation and discover the meaning of life, but chances are that you will find something or someone that means something to you. I hope you do.

Please don’t think that. Have you got family? Friends? Work colleagues that you could speak to and who you can confide in about how you feel? Has anything happened recently to make things worse? What do you enjoy in life?x

I've got a couple of family members, I tried about 2 or 3 weeks ago to tell them how I was feeling and didn't get anywhere. They haven't asked me how I am since.
I don't have any friends. Unfortunately these days there isn't anything that I enjoy.

What did you enjoy doing long before you started feeling this bad? I’ve never felt like this myself but I hate the idea of anyone feeling so down. Please excuse my lack of knowledge about this but there anything else you could try that you haven’t done yet? Any other type of therapy/ counselling / medication? Can you contact the crisis team?

It's hard to remember to be honest, it's been a very long time. I liked horse riding as a child/teenager but I have quite severe back problems now so I wouldn't be able to do it.
There might be other medications or counselling styles I could try but I feel like I've lost hope to be honest. I really feel like I cannot see any way of not being in this constant pain other than not being here anymore.

Hello OP, we are really sorry to hear you are feeling this way.

We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged up to us we usually add a link to our Mental Health resources.
You can also go to the Samaritans website, or email them on [email protected]. Support from other Mumsnetters is great and we really hope you will be able to take some comfort from your fellow posters, but as other MNers will tell you, it's really a good idea to seek RL help and support as well.

We also like to remind everyone that, although we're awed daily by the astonishing support our members give each other through life's trickier twists and turns, we'd always caution anyone never to give more of themselves to another poster than they can afford to spare.