Getting a job while depressed

[Archeron]

When I go for an interview they tell me I don’t smile or have any enthusiasm, I seem very flat and serious and unhappy. They’re right. I’ve been depressed my entire adult life. I don’t smile. I’m not enthusiastic about anything. I’m basically like Eeyore. I sit there with a very serious face and talk about how I am capable of doing this job, but I don’t express any real interest or joy.

They tell me I don’t seem like I really want this job. The fact is I don’t even really want to be alive. But I have to go through the motions. I don’t want the job. I don’t want anything. But I need it. Why do I have to want it? Isn’t needing it and working hard enough?

Depressed people need to eat and pay bills too. I need a job. But everyone keeps turning me down because I’m not happy and enthusiastic enough. I could try to fake it but I don’t know how long I could keep that up, so even if I do get a job I’ll probably get sacked when they realise it’s an act. And it’s so hard to pretend.

How do you get a job when you’re well qualified and capable but you’re basically a constant downer so nobody wants to hire you?

Yes. I’m not disabled enough to be eligible for PIP. I’m able bodied and the fact that I have two degrees is seen as sufficient evidence of my ability to communicate. I understood the PIP assessor and she understood me so I got 0 points. “Employers won’t hire me because they think I’m weird” does not entitle you to PIP.

And I shouldn’t have to repeat this, but asking me to smile and be interested in people at an interview is like asking a wheelchair user to walk. I try to do it but it still doesn’t work because it comes across as stilted and fake. Because I’m autistic and no matter how hard I try I can’t cover that up.

There's that defeatist attitude again. OP my entire crowd is either autistic or ADHD or both. Some work, some study and some get PIP and disability benefits/PIP and work/volunteer. You can't blame your autism for your personality. That's your depression talking and personality can be worked on when you find a spark to light up your life.

Obviously the way you communicate is a barrier to working.

There is a job out there you'll be able to do and showing interest in people and smiling is nothing like asking a wheelchair user to walk.

This sounds like a depression issue, and not to do with your autism.
Please try and get some help for it. Your GP can help with medication, and in most areas you can self refer for therapy.
Depression is not permanent. There are ways out of it, but you have to want to try. Being miserable and on a downer about everything.... other people do pick up on that. No one wants to spend time with someone who drags them down, or employ them.
Work on yourself a bit, and friendships and opportunities will follow.