Getting a job while depressed

[Archeron]

When I go for an interview they tell me I don’t smile or have any enthusiasm, I seem very flat and serious and unhappy. They’re right. I’ve been depressed my entire adult life. I don’t smile. I’m not enthusiastic about anything. I’m basically like Eeyore. I sit there with a very serious face and talk about how I am capable of doing this job, but I don’t express any real interest or joy.

They tell me I don’t seem like I really want this job. The fact is I don’t even really want to be alive. But I have to go through the motions. I don’t want the job. I don’t want anything. But I need it. Why do I have to want it? Isn’t needing it and working hard enough?

Depressed people need to eat and pay bills too. I need a job. But everyone keeps turning me down because I’m not happy and enthusiastic enough. I could try to fake it but I don’t know how long I could keep that up, so even if I do get a job I’ll probably get sacked when they realise it’s an act. And it’s so hard to pretend.

How do you get a job when you’re well qualified and capable but you’re basically a constant downer so nobody wants to hire you?

You have to fake it and act positive like mad. It's bloody exhausting.

Fake it till you make it …

I do hear you are depressed , try something that may bring you joy - I don’t mean it will but if you can find the motivation to exercise it can release endorphins.

Sending you very unmumsnetty hugs OP. Job hunting can be soul destroying even at the best of times.

Are you doing anything medically to tackle your depression? Even if you went a while ago it may be worth going back for an adjustment to your medication etc.

Have you considered volunteering part time while you apply for jobs? Just easing yourself into a working pattern may help prepare you to deal with going back into the working world.

Are you doing anything medically to tackle your depression?
I have high functioning autism. My depression is basically due to the fact that other people exclude me and I have never had any friends and can’t get hired. In many cases people bully me, I’m talking about in my 20s and 30s not just at school. In other words it’s situational depression, caused by the way others treat me. It’s not something that can be fixed with medication. And it isn’t going to change over time, it’s a permanent situation.

I’m not trying to fix my depression. I can’t fix my autism and I can’t fix my depression. Both conditions are permanent. What I need to do is get a job whilst still being depressed. Which is very hard when people keep saying that they don’t want to hire me because I’m clearly unhappy and I don’t smile or seem positive.

I find it really hard. Impossible even. And when I try to fake it, people know. It’s not enough, they see right through it. I try to be fake happy and force a smile, but then I forget I’m supposed to smile and I go back to my blank face.

What field are you in? If you are in IT, it's worth looking at Auticon.
https://auticon.com/uk/

Other sectors may have similar organisations, but I don't know.

That sounds very hard, op.

What would you do if you met someone like yourself? Would you think they were as worthless as you seem to think you are?

There are many autistic people in the world. There are many outsiders and oddballs who feel like you do. I think if you have the right attitude, eventually you'll find the right job, friends etc. Right now you assume you'll be rejected and probably come across as if you might be hard to manage through moodiness.

I don't think you need to act happy but self-possessed maybe - confident in your own abilities and believing you have something to offer.

Does it help to tell productive employers about your autism and that it makes you come across as less enthusiastic?

I find that disclosing autism pretty much guarantees that I won’t get hired. Given the choice of an able candidate vs a disabled candidate, most employers will choose the able candidate. Because they won’t find certain things difficult, they won’t be hard to deal with, they won’t ask for reasonable adjustments, they won’t go off sick, and they’re just all round less hassle from an employers perspective. There’s no advantage to them in hiring a disabled person, only disadvantages. Why hire someone who could be a problem when you have other options?

What would you do if you met someone like yourself? Would you think they were as worthless as you seem to think you are?
I wouldn’t think they’re worthless no. But I probably wouldn’t hire them. I assume I’m going to be rejected because I have decades of experience of being rejected over and over. I would be stupid to think that won’t happen again. I haven’t had a friend for 30 years so why would I find one now?

OP, in my area (compliance), it is possible to work remotely 100%. The job requires a high degree of accuracy, focus and following procedures. If candidate said they were autistic, I would not regard them unfavourably, quite the opposite. Smiling is not part of the job description. Most of it is done on email and work systems so you don't do much face-to-face with colleagues.

You said you are well-qualifed and capable. What is your experience in? Perhaps you could look for a job that is a better fit?

Unfortunately I picked psychology to study before I knew I was autistic. I just thought about what I was interested in, not what I’d be able to get a job in. In fact at that point I didn't know I wouldn’t be able to get a job, because I hadn’t yet been discriminated against and told I was unsuitable to be allowed to work with people.

I’m actually really good at psychology. As an autistic person I’m used to studying people’s behaviour so I can figure out how normal people are supposed to behave and copy them. I observe people from the outside as if I’m not one of them. I’m detached, as if they’re just ants or something.

I’m not great with maths or programming. I couldn’t do an IT job which is what’s usually recommended for autistic people. I’m not detail oriented or observant like many autistic people are. Accuracy and focus are not my strong points. I am good at creativity, thinking outside the box, reading situations and knowing what’s going on and why humans are behaving in a certain way. Great skills but they require some human contact which I’ve repeatedly been told I’m not suitable for.

I can figure out how normal people are supposed to behave and copy them.

obviously not if you’re posting this thread?

you seem to be really rigid in your thinking and are ignoring everyone’s suggestions. ultimately no one owes you a salary. You either try and pep yourself up for a job interview and come across like someone they can see themselves working with, or you try and claim disability benefits. refusing to take medication won’t help.

Why hire someone who could be a problem when you have other options?
because the candidate with autism might be the best person for the job? That’s important enough to get you the job. You can ask for reasonable adjustments at interview and at work.

Look I’ve recently had some interviews and got a new job, whilst also going through the hardest time of my life, but none of the feedback stated I came across unhappy or depressed. I just dragged myself up and kept trying. Like it or not, you’re not letting yourself shine in the interview. The ball is in your court.

You say you are good at copying how normal people behave, so can you copy how people behave in interviews, which is to feign interest and enthusiasm?

Can you continue to do that when you are working with people? It is probably very tiring for you to do, so a reasonable adjustment would be for you to have more breaks or some working from home.

If you can get the job first, that would be good first step.

Psychology is not my area and so I don't know the sort of jobs you could do. Could there be a job that involves less people contact e.g. research? You mentioned observing people like ants. That sounds like research to me. Yes, your subjects will be people, but you don't have to build up trust and rapport with them as much as if you worked in a school for example.

I believe Psychology is one of those degrees that a significant number of graduates do not end up doing anything with their degree. Can you do something that does not involve Psychology?

You either try and pep yourself up for a job interview and come across like someone they can see themselves working with, or you try and claim disability benefits. refusing to take medication won’t help.
You can’t claim disability benefits for high functioning autism. And there is no medication for autism.

You say you are good at copying how normal people behave, so can you copy how people behave in interviews, which is to feign interest and enthusiasm?
I do try. But despite my best efforts to smile I still get told that I seem sad and withdrawn. God knows what they’d think if I wasn’t trying to cover up my depression.

What area of psychology are you trying to work in? It's one of those degrees that can lead to 100s of different job areas.

What sort of jobs are you applying for? I work in the public sector and a fair few of my colleagues have autism (this isn't assumed, they openly speak about it), i myself have MH problems of which I've been sectioned with before so serious but somewhat manageable and they've been great with time off when needed and reasonable adjustments. They can also do these adjustments for interviews. It's not that unusual anymore to be honest thankfully a lot of employers are more accommodating (as they should be).

I'd suggest posting this on the neurodiverse Mumsneters board.

You are being discriminated against for being autistic. Both in interviews and on this thread.

This is why 80% of autistics are unemployed. Are you getting PIP. I'd focus on that tbh rather than battling employment.

Sorry to hear this OP but sadly not surprised, interviews are very challenging due to the nature of them for many people who are autistic and with depression on top sorry the employers have been narrow minded. Thankfully some employers are much more aware and can provide reasonable adjustments for interviews, there has been research into how employers can make the process fairer as well as being good for candidates such as yourself it's also of benefit to them as otherwise they miss out on plenty of decent candidates who would be an asset. Dh works in an industry which has many positive adaptions for those who need it but appreciate that sadly this isn't the case across the board.

Have you applied for PIP?

Is there a job you can do that doesn’t require much interaction with others so whilst you can fake happiness in the interview just to get the job you don’t need to ‘keep it up’.

I don’t agree that people bullying you is a permanent situation. It has happened in the past it doesn’t mean it will happen going forward. I for one would never ever bully someone and neither would anyone I know. You need to be around the right people that’s all.

You can’t claim disability benefits for high functioning autism. And there is no medication for autism.

OP, you can claim PIP for autism. It depends on how it affects your daily living. The categories for autism would be verbal communication, reading and understanding written information and mixing with others. You have to shoehorn your condition into the PIP categories as just a diagnosis of autism is not sufficient. It is necessary to evidence how it affects your daily living. The difficulties with getting a job would provide you with examples to fill in the form.

It can be a tedious process because the DWP will not make it easy particularly because autism is non-visible and presents differently for different people, and is not widely understood by the PIP assessors. I managed to claim it for DD but had to go through 2 rounds before the DWP settled before going to the tribunal.

As you have persevered with looking for a job, I think you can do this too

Is there a person who can be your PIP appointee? An appointee can fill in all the forms, do the interview and talk on your behalf even at tribunal. I was my dd's appointee and so she was shielded from somewhat soul-destroying PIP process. I also had a PIP advisor from a volunteer group to hold my hand.

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OP, you can claim PIP for autism
Not for high functioning autism.

You can only claim if autism affects your mobility, your ability to feed yourself, take meds, gets washed and dressed, use the toilet. Or if it affects your ability to communicate.

You can NOT claim because people don’t like you, find your behaviour weird and depressive, exclude you and don’t want to hire you.

When facing challenges of presenting yourself positively in interviews while experiencing depression, it can be helpful to seek professional support, such as therapy, to address the underlying issues, develop coping strategies, and potentially explore medications that may alleviate symptoms and improve your overall well-being, which could positively impact your ability to convey enthusiasm and secure job opportunities.

Is there a job you can do that doesn’t require much interaction with others so whilst you can fake happiness in the interview just to get the job you don’t need to ‘keep it up’.
My experience is that even for jobs where you’re working completely solo, if you have to share an office you will be judged on how tolerable you are to share an office with. If you’re not smiley and chatty and they can’t see themselves having lunch with you, you won’t get hired.

Also, faking happiness and normality in the interview to secure the job is very hard. That’s like telling a person in a wheelchair to walk in the interview then when they’ve secured the job they don’t need to keep it up.