Getting a job while depressed

[Archeron]

When I go for an interview they tell me I don’t smile or have any enthusiasm, I seem very flat and serious and unhappy. They’re right. I’ve been depressed my entire adult life. I don’t smile. I’m not enthusiastic about anything. I’m basically like Eeyore. I sit there with a very serious face and talk about how I am capable of doing this job, but I don’t express any real interest or joy.

They tell me I don’t seem like I really want this job. The fact is I don’t even really want to be alive. But I have to go through the motions. I don’t want the job. I don’t want anything. But I need it. Why do I have to want it? Isn’t needing it and working hard enough?

Depressed people need to eat and pay bills too. I need a job. But everyone keeps turning me down because I’m not happy and enthusiastic enough. I could try to fake it but I don’t know how long I could keep that up, so even if I do get a job I’ll probably get sacked when they realise it’s an act. And it’s so hard to pretend.

How do you get a job when you’re well qualified and capable but you’re basically a constant downer so nobody wants to hire you?

I would love professional support with my depression. Can you please tell me how to get therapy for free on the NHS? Because I’ve been trying for years and it simply isn’t available.

Your GP can refer you, whether they will or not is another matter but it is available on the NHS.

With your knowledge of psychology, you could be a good fit for checking or writing documents about mental health issues. This could be anything from proofreading for a psychology magazine, checking advertising content sold to clinic websites, assessing individuals for grants, moderating on mental health websites etc …. There are a lot of jobs that can be remote, screen based or video only.

I suggest contacting a few friendly charities that deal with SpLD and neurodevelopmental conditions, your GP, anyone medical or psychological, or disability focused, and asking them to suggest jobs of this type. They’re all jobs that if you don’t do them you won’t have heard of them and you won’t know where to look.

Contact a few people as not everyone responds to these types of questions.

"OP, you can claim PIP for autism
Not for high functioning autism.

You can only claim if autism affects your mobility, your ability to feed yourself, take meds, gets washed and dressed, use the toilet. Or if it affects your ability to communicate.

You can NOT claim because people don’t like you, find your behaviour weird and depressive, exclude you and don’t want to hire you."

^This is an inability to communicate, though!

Does your asd assessment not say anything about communication?

The very definition of autism is social communication difficulties.

And please avoid saying 'high functioning', it's one of those dated phrases that can cause offence in the ND community.

Given you've been this way your entire adult life how come you ended up in a sector where it's a requirement to seem happy?

Mind you I'm an extrovert who works from home and it's driving me crazy as I want to go and be a happy enthusiastic person around others. I'm paid more at home.

Even shelf stacking they put you through about five interviews including dumb role plays.

If you're not in any sector and are just going for whatever job is out there, set yourself up as a virtual assistant and work behind the scenes. Study coding or something where you are put in a back office, IT or something.

Or be a cleaner and wear headphones all day.

Op I think it might be worth asking MN to move your post to the Neurodiverse Mumsnetters section of the site. I've found a lot of info and advice on there really helpful myself, others going through similar situations and I definitely feel a lot less different and alone when I read the posts there. Someone there might have been through this type of situation too

OP I have a disability I understand completely that you cannot do something through sheer force of will.

I only suggested you fake it in the interview as you said you could try to do this, which suggested you feel you are capable of doing it but as you mentioned not for a long time.

I didn’t mention office jobs as they are very people oriented. Working from home for an employer or working for yourself could work.

And please avoid saying 'high functioning', it's one of those dated phrases that can cause offence in the ND community.
I’ll refer to my condition how I like, thanks. You don’t get to police what language I use.

Given you've been this way your entire adult life how come you ended up in a sector where it's a requirement to seem happy?
I picked a degree that seemed interesting. Being autistic I hoped it would help me understand people better. Nobody ever said “by the way you need to be a people person to actually get a job with this degree”. It wasn’t until I started applying for jobs that anyone said that.

Study coding or something where you are put in a back office, IT or something
This keeps being recommended but I can’t code and I’m not good with computers. Not all autistic people can code. I’m not technical or detail oriented in the slightest. I’m good with qualitative data but not with numbers.

Would you be willing to apply for lone working cleaning jobs? Or a work form home job that involves using a script (call centre for DWP or something like that)?.

^This is an inability to communicate, though! Does your asd assessment not say anything about communication?
I can communicate extremely well. People just don’t want to reciprocate because they think I’m gross and weird because of my autism. But in a functional sense I am capable. That rules me out of getting PIP, for which there needs to be a lack of capacity.

I would do call centre work from home with a script, although I don’t have a pleasant voice. Cleaning wouldn’t be a good option because I’m allergic to so many chemicals and don’t like being in public where someone could approach me unexpectedly. I like to be in an office with my back to the wall so nobody can sneak up on me (PTSD from being attacked so many times at school).

How do you know that people think you are weird and gross?
Could you be projecting, and be completely wrong about that?

Bullying from numerous people in my teenage years who repeatedly told me I’m weird and gross, and who physically and verbally abused me for years on end. Beatings, dumpings and sexual abuse when I eventually started dating. Bullying from a group of men at university, and from my masters degree supervisor. Feedback from interviewers which is a more polite version of the same verbal abuse l’ve heard all my life (criticising my voice, speech, facial expressions, mannerisms, smile, etc). Plus the fact that nobody has ever wanted to be my friend.

How would you feel about yourself if that was your life story? I’m pretty sure people dislike me.

Sorry this isn’t an answer to your actual question but I have autism and depression and sertraline has actually helped me to become more sociable somehow. An unexpected bonus to starting talking by it has been that all of a sudden people want to be my friend 🤷‍♀️.

without wanting to give too much away about myself, I faced similar issues and like you, my degree was in a profession that usually requires interactions with people in a positive way. My solution was to change to a job that relates to my professional degree (even tough it’s not 100% what i wanted to do/studied for, but close enough) which can be done from home. Interactions with colleagues and clients don’t need to happen on a daily basis and are often via email. That was the only thing that worked for me in the longer term.

You can successfully claim PIP for ‘high functioning’ ASD or even with an Asperger Syndrome diagnosis (yes, I know that isn’t given as a diagnosis anymore, but some people have an existing diagnosis). You don’t need to lack capacity in order to be successful. For example, the stats show the success rate for those with Asperger Syndrome is 51.1%.

Eh, you can claim benefits. Have you even tried?

Your self defeatist attitude is your barrier to work OP, not your autism. Yes you do need to smile and be interested in people in interviews. Getting people to talk about themselves is a good skill to have and makes people relax.

I can communicate extremely well. People just don’t want to reciprocate because they think I’m gross and weird because of my autism.

Can’t you see that’s a bit contradictory through? If you can communicate well, no one would have negative assumptions about you. Why do you think employers think you’re gross and weird, what’s actually happened recently to suggest that? What feedback are you actually getting after job interviews? I find it hard to believe they would state in feedback to you “we think you are depressed” because it would be a legal nightmare for them

How you have responded to that is evidence enough of your inability to communicate effectively.

This is why you struggle in work.

Also as a psychology graduate, surely you understand there are spectrums to things and not all events are related. Rejection in your personal life doesn’t automatically lead to rejection in your professional life. Being bullied at school doesn’t automatically mean employers wouldn’t want to hire you. Being autistic doesn’t mean employers wouldn’t hire you. These things don’t mirror as you are assuming?

In my company people with health conditions and disabilities are hired and are given adjustments and support to help them at work - no one bats an eyelid. It’s 2023. There’s on site support networks for colleagues with autism, specialist training for managers, trade union support, employee assistance services. There are senior people in my company who have autism. And everyone goes through depressive episodes from time to time, disclosing depression doesn’t have the weight to it that you might assume

Disability benefits might have a stigma to be difficult to get, but that shouldn’t put you off applying. You haven’t had a response from
your exact circumstances so don’t rule it out. Also even if you’re rejected there’s routes to appeal. Contact citizens advice for support with your application

She can't get a job because she describes her own condition how she wants?

You can do it by self-referral now: https://www.nhs.uk/service-search/mental-health/find-an-nhs-talking-therapies-service