I don’t want to be here - life getting too hard

[Iwishiwasabutterfly]

Please help me.

I feel as if I’m drowning. My head is telling me to jump into my car and drive into a wall. That it would be easier if I wasn’t here. My head is spinning with all sorts of thoughts. My husband is at his wits end with worry. I constantly think bad of him, accuse him of all sorts. Affairs, doing this or that when it’s not reality. But when my head goes into a spin, my thoughts are erratic. I tried medication. Did not help. Trying to come off it and really struggling to get off it. Doctors very little help. I’m not surprised there is crazy amounts of suicide when the health care system is the way it is. I’ve tried counselling over the years but don’t think it’s been right.

please help me find the right therapist. Please. I want to continue my life. But sometimes, most of the time my head is telling me to throw it in.

Hi OP, you’re right. What can be incredibly powerful is learning about the physiology of our brains and bodies so that we know and understand what’s happening to us when we feel so low. It really can take away so much of it’s power over us. A counsellor who can provide this kind of support, and perhaps alongside CBT, might help. The counselling psychologist, or counsellor who specialises in CBT might be what to look for.

Some things that might help: CBT - 8-12 sessions, meditation, forcing your brain to replace negative thoughts with positive ones, feeling grateful for every little thing (literally start saying "thank you" for everyday things and events we take for granted), learn to focus on your body not your brain, try affirmations (Louise Hay is great and after listening to her for 5 minutes you can't help but feel better), Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, The Secret.. I know depression is a disease not just feeling low, but along with talking therapy and medical advice you need to force yourself to replace dark thoughts with positivity. Then it becomes like a snowball and you will feel a shift gradually. Our thoughts do genuinely shape our lives! The good thing is you do want to change your life so start little by little!

You poor thing, Devil's tic-tac is an excellent name for it. My care coordinator says it's the worst one to come off. Would you consider going back on a low dose just so you can taper more slowly. I found an article where they helped someone in withdrawal with low duloxetine which was easy to come off. I think slowly slowly is the only way to do it because it sends your brain crazy. Just this morning I got out of bed thinking why am I having all this dizziness and brain zaps and heart banging out of my chest?
I totally get why you did it so quickly but I don't know if the brain can cope. It's no shame if you go back to a low dose or switch to something else to manage the withdrawals. It really isn't.
Also have you considered seeing if you can take low dose diazepam or propanalol for a while while your body and brain adjust to the discontinuation? There is also information online about supplements people have taken to help their brain adjust. I do believe that it's a long haul.
Then you still have the original issues which led to your trying them. Rather than a counsellor, have you found a psychotherapist who can help? Have you tried CBT etc? Cant look back at your posts or i will lose what ive typed.
I see what you mean about wanting someone who will help you change things. Or if not I guess help you accept you get these unbearable lows and intrusive thoughts and give you strategies to get through them in the least painful way.
I am autistic and everyone says my OCD is due to my autistic brain so there doesn't seem to be any help. My therapist is trying to help me with strategies. It feels exhausting at the moment because of the discontinuation.
Good luck, OP. Will be thinking of you.

Are your accusations valid? Have you spoken to friends/ outsiders about your relationship and your thoughts? Is there anything specific your husband is doing or done to make you have these thoughts? I felt very much similar after having a child and as much as I thought I was going crazy looking back my partner wasn't very supportive and ultimately was the cause of my mental health decline! Although you may think you are being 'crazy' maybe it would be best to really write things down and evaluate what is making you unhappy? I often think depression/anxiety is a way of your body telling you something is wrong and until you can resolve whatever the situation is it probably won't improve.

No they aren’t valid at all. And it’s not just at him. My behaviour steams into family members too. It’s draining