I was romantically involved with a guy I suspect is a covert narcissist for a short time. I could no longer take the gaslighting, controlling behavior, manipulation, superiority complex, jealously of my accomplishments, etc
I snapped, probably the reaction he wanted me to have.
I’m not sure I handle it the right way but after meeting him on Sunday night and pretty much was gaslighted,ignored and talked down to I had to stand up for myself. Unfortunately, he was baiting me to open up to him emotionally which I did unfortunately and told him about my traumatic childhood.
I sent a very direct text the next morning calling out his narcissism and pointing out all his insecurities (no judgment please ). Nothing was off limits. He’s insecure about his income as a scientist, his looks, his penis size, his status, his social awkwardness, that he doesn’t measure up, his body, everything! I mentioned he wasn’t special and that he’s not great.
That he’s not more intelligent or more deserving and that he doesn’t deserve my kindness or anyone’s.
I told him to lose my number and that I would do the same, if we see each other in public I asked him not to speak to me. Finally, I wrote “Good Riddance”.
I’m going no contact now but he texted back an hour later. I should have blocked his number right after I sent my text but it is now.
What are your thoughts on the below text? I want to know because this is my first time dealing with this behavior and need to recognize it for next time if it happens. I absolutely cannot go through this again.
This is what he wrote:
“Wow!!! Now that's something! I was not expecting to wake up to this! 😆 I suspect someday you may look back at this message and cringe, but for now, I hope your catharsis has brought you the relief you were looking for.
I don't know what dark place these petty insults are coming from, but in spite of your best efforts and rhetorical fury, I can't say I feel particularly threatened or offended.
Before I inflate my mountainous ego and sail off into the great expanse, I do want to return the favor and regale you with my thoughts. I hope you're ready because this may not be easy for you to hear.
You're right, no one is special, not even me. And while I may not be "deserving of your kindness" your are still deserving of mine. In parting, I want to wish you the best. I think you're intelligent and hard working. I'm not at all envious of your accomplishments, rather I admire them. I hope your income (which is almost certainly larger than my meager pittances) grows even larger. I hope your books are successful and bring to fruition the fulfillment of a childhood dream.
I'm sorry for the pain you've suffered. Loosing loved ones in senseless acts of violence, what happened to you as a child... it's horrible and deeply unfair. I'm sorry for the psychological pain you experience and the mental health struggles you endure. I've seen the scars of these struggles across the souls of dear friends... and my mother. I hope you find a wonderful therapist who can help lead you out of these treacherous terrains, so that you can become even more successful, earn even more money than me... but most importantly - find your happiness in whatever form your desire it. Also, if I've caused you pain, it was inadvertent and I apologize.
So, with peace in my heart, I think it's time to end this precarious text exchange and whatever tenuous relationship it symbolizes. You're welcome to question the authenticity of my sentiments, I can't control what you think nor the conclusions at which your mind arrives. But my words are sincere. When I do my "love and kindness" meditation, you will still make an appearance.
Goodbye Judy. I wish you success in your endeavors and a great life. “