Rumination

[CrazilySensitive]

I'm stuck in a rumination loop. I suffer from OCD, and I just can't get myself out of this cycle of going over things. Often minor things, but they get blown up as huge in my mind.
I tried starting a thread in Chat, but no response, so thought I'd try here

I’m the same… no advice really, as I’m only just starting to realise how badly it affects my day-to-day life:(

What kind of things are you talking about op?

It could be all kinds of things. But especially interactions with people. Dwelling on misunderstandings, or on things people have said to me. I spend days thinking about a single sentence! Also, regrets, and mistakes I've made - going over and over it a thousand times, wishing I could go back in time and change it. It's all such a time waster 🙁

Sorry to hear you suffer from this too. It's a nightmare to live with, and I wouldn't wish it on anyone...

I've had similar thoughts myself but maybe not to the extent you have. How long jabbed you experienced this?

Hello
i was going through this last year. It got really bad and I suffered a breakdown.
I was given Sertraline and it has really helped along with talking therapy.
Sending hugs because I know how awful it is.

Thanks. If you've experienced it, you know its power.
It's been like it to an extent for years, but seems to have got far worse in the last few months.
I've had OCD since I was about 11. But this especially bad rumination of interactions has been more recent. It's terrible, like I'm stuck in a loop, and can't get out.

Thank you for understanding, and sorry you've been through it too.
I've got this 'end-of-the-world' feeling, if something discombobulates me. If there's some kind of imperfection in the day, or in an interaction, I can't let things go. I can't move on. I get stuck, and all I can do at times is sit and ruminate. Things that most people would dismiss immediately are a huge deal to me, and I make myself ill with the worry of it.

My current one - it was my 40th birthday on Sunday just gone. I'm not hugely into birthdays. But I'd somehow imbued magical significance into the day. I decided everything had to be peaceful and perfect.
Well, unfortunately my brother-in-law accidentally really upset me with something he said in the evening, and I massively overreacted, as I was so sensitive. I then got really upset about the interaction.
It's now Wednesday, several days later, and I literally can't think about anything else. It was a small thing, just 10 minutes. But I can't stop torturing myself for having overreacted like that; and can't stop feeling upset about his words, though he meant no harm, and he's lovely.
I feel so guilty, as there are terrible things in the world, such as the war in Ukraine. To worry about a ten-minute upset, in an otherwise OK day, is hugely self-indulgent. But, it honestly feels as though I can't help it. I can't flick that switch off.
I suffered a trauma at a tender age, and think it's probably linked. Maybe little worries covering big ones.
It's a nightmare - days spent combing over sentences. It's an absolute thief of joy, as I can't dwell on the nice things in the same way.

I’m sorry you’re caught in this cycle, it’s a hard thing to break. I’ve made improvements with my rumination but it’s hard to stop as it almost becomes the default setting to my thoughts.

Anyway, something that helps me in the short term is to leave the house and go for a half hour walk. Before you leave, choose a letter and look for as many things as you can that start with that letter while on your walk. The idea being that you’re concentrating so much on looking at things, you interrupt the rumination.

Do you have anyone you can trust to talk to about this. Just dump all those thoughts out to them. Sometimes saying the words out loud makes you realise how harsh you are being on yourself. Also the perspective of another person can make you realise the incident that you’ve built up in your head is really not as bad as you think.

Finally, have you tried CBT? This really helped me to retrain my brain and reframe the situation. It taught me how to quickly recognise the rumination starting and shift focus elsewhere to block it. At first, the ruminating starts again almost immediately but then you shift focus and block it again. Rinse & repeat until it becomes an auto response.

These things all take a massive amount of mental effort at the start but they are nothing compared to the mental drain of constant rumination. I hope you find something that works for you.

A few things:

1. OCD has been shown in studies to be affected by low levels of seratonin so I'd think about medication to help that
2. CBT- everything starts with your thoughts. Thoughts lead to feelings which lead to behaviours. The more worrying thoughts you think, the more neural networks your brain creates that look for worry. Therefore, our thoughts literally change our brain chemistry. This is why dealing with the thoughts are really, really important.
3. Really recommend Paul McKenna's new book on anxiety- lots of practical tips and exercises to stop panic in its tracks
4. The more you try to stop worrying, the more you'll focus on it. Eg. if I tell you not to think about a pink elephant, you'll have to think about it in order to not think about it so it makes it worse. Set aside 30 minutes quiet time every single day at a specified time (eg 6-6.30pm) to worry. Spend no more than 30 minutes and outside of those 30 minutes the rule is you cannot over think, because you have your 30 minute slot each day to devote to worrying- thats your worry time. During those 30 minutes each day, worry as much as you like. Worry about everything. I guarantee that when those 30 minutes arrive, you will struggle to fill them up for the whole time.

I don't know if you're interested in meds, but I went through a terrible period in my early 30s where I was ruminating and stuck in a cycle of obsessive thoughts. I went to see a therapist who pronounced that I didn't need therapy, I just needed an SSRI to "chill me out a bit"! There turned out to be something in that, as my GP prescribed fluoxetine and it was very successful, it pulled me out of the obsessive round of thoughts pretty quickly. I actually only took it for 6 months but have thought about going back on it at times when I've had similar, but not quite as bad episodes. It's something to consider, OP.

@CCL333 thank you so much for all that. I'll try the letter thing. That's a great idea.
I've tried talking to people, but I think they don't understand, and think I could more easily switch the thoughts off. I probably come across as self-indulgent and trivial. I think unless you've experienced this, or are a trained professional, it's very hard to understand.
I told a couple of people that I'm still upset about the birthday thing, and they obviously were very confused. I've got a loopy notion that anything bad on my birthday signifies a bad year, or even decade, to come! That it's been polluted somehow. It's an OCD thing. That is nonsense isn't it? I sort of know it deep down, but need reassurance

@ripplingwater thank you. I've always been a bit resistant to meds, worried about side effects etc. But I should maybe try. I've taken At John's Wart before, with some effect. I find B-vitamins and magnesium quite helpful.

I definitely think I should look into CBT. Don't know where to go, but will try searching.

I'll look into Paul McKenna, it's been suggested before.

Your last suggestion, about 30 min worry time sounds genius. I'm not sure I'm able yet to have that much control, but I'll try when ready. Thank you

@renthead thank you so much. I'm resistant to meds. But feeling pretty desperate, so should maybe overcome my resistance.
Very encouraging that it helped you so much

I have OCD and rumination is part of this. It's so awful.

I've tried CBT and sertraline. I didn't find CBT too helpful but I know other people do so it's worth a try. I still get intrusive thoughts.

One thing I've changed is not seeking reassurance when I get an intrusive thought. So not googling anything or asking people to reassure me. This has helped slow them a bit.

Thank you. That's interesting. I'm always seeking reassurance! People can only be so patient, and I know it vexes them at times. Then I feel so incredibly guilty.
It all boils down to wanting to be a perfectly good person. Impossible of course, as nobody is perfect. But I can't bear it if I make mistakes, and punish myself for days. Intrusive thoughts can be especially guilt-inducing.

My DH and DC suffer terribly with this. On seeking reassurance from others, a psychologist explained to me that the reassurance provides a short term hit of relief, but it doesn't last. So developing your own internal capacity to reassure yourself will help more in the long term.

We find the negative thoughts pad by Sugar and Sloth is quite helpful in providing a structure to work through the worry.

Have you heard the story of the happy perfectionist? No? That’s because there isn’t one. Happiness and perfectionism are incompatible.

Perfectionism often comes other issues such as high stress levels, anxiety, fear of failure, procrastination, low self- esteem. This is because the pressure perfectionists put on themselves to be perfect or do everything perfectly is an impossible task.
Why? Because nothing will ever be perfect enough. There will always be improvements to make. This is a good thing and makes sure there are always personal goals and targets to keep life interesting.

However, if we set ourselves the task of attaining perfection then we doom ourselves to a life of disappointment and feelings of inadequacy. Striving to improve is a positive thing.
It only becomes a problem when we withhold happiness until we reach the level of perfection.

We are human, and humans are imperfect; the goal should be happiness, not perfection.

Thank you @cheerypip . Sorry to hear your family have this too.
Yes, I need to come up with ways to reassure myself. I've been known to ring people up several days after a passing conversation to seek reassurance that they didn't mean x,y or x thing! I try to resist the temptation to do it, but it always wins 🙁

The only thing that works for me, is writing everything down on a piece of paper. I have a notepad next to my bed for this. This gets it out of my head and if I start thinking about it again I just tell myself it's all written down and I don't need to worry myself with it anymore.

@Eyesopenwideawake gosh, thank you. You're a very wise soul. I'll write all that down, and meditate on it.
You're definitely right.
My blooming birthday is a case in point - birthdays and anniversaries are often difficult for OCD sufferers; and I dread them. All things considered, I actually had an OK day. Anxious at times, but some nice bits. But instead of focusing on the positives, all I can do is berate myself for the ten-minute minor drama, that most people would have dismissed in an instant. It's a shame I do this. So many instances of this in my life. It's difficult for those around me too, which is my main motivation to overcome it. I don't want people to feel worried about saying the wrong thing...

Thank you, yes, I sometimes write things on random pieces of paper. But I wonder if I should get a special book for it? I think part of the reason for the rumination is to dissect conversations etc, and figure out what went wrong etc. If I write it all down, I maybe wouldn't need to do that so many times, or burden other people with it.
Yes, good idea, I'll get a special notebook.

Sometimes I dwell on things that happened years ago. Minor things. I had a student job in a fruit farm when I was about 20. I accidentally hugely overcharged a customer, an elderly man, for his PYO raspberries. I still think about it sometimes, and get disproportionately upset about my mathematical error. That's the kind of thing. Weirdly, it's often the small things rather than the big things that dominate my thoughts, which is weird...

The past is history and the future is a mystery, the only thing that matters is the here and now. Be grateful for the things you have today and don't waste your time get upset or annoyed about things you have no control over.