Rumination

[CrazilySensitive]

I'm stuck in a rumination loop. I suffer from OCD, and I just can't get myself out of this cycle of going over things. Often minor things, but they get blown up as huge in my mind.
I tried starting a thread in Chat, but no response, so thought I'd try here

You're so right. Reading my posts back, I realise how incredibly daft it all sounds! I actually have had some really big traumas in life, including a period of homelessness. But I spend far less time on the big things. I think the little things serve as a distraction.
But I do need perspective.
Anyway, thank you all so much for your help and advice. I'm going to research meds and CBT more. I'll also try some of the techniques suggested to me in this thread. I'll try to let go of my quest for perfection, as I'd be able to move on from little mistakes and so on afterwards much more easily...

I'm the same. It's a bit clichéd but trying to do positive things with your time rather than ruminate does help. I try to schedule in lots of things during my day to keep me busy. Exercise is good too, walking, cycling, jogging, swimming. Reading a book, getting stuck into an absorbing task like drawing, or even playing a video game. Having the radio or podcasts on in the background when I'm doing chores or cooking helps me concentrate on something else other than what's in my head.

My main trouble is going to bed at night and just lying there alone with my thoughts. Podcasts and audiobooks do help though.

@Hooploop thank you. Yes, you're right. Keeping busy is good. I find the thoughts paralysing though, and it keeps me from activity. It's just a nightmare honestly. It really is like being tortured mentally. Just awful 😔

Please please speak to someone about this. You need to see a talking therapist.
I was so determined not to take ads that I got worse and worse.
Although not perfect they have really helped with my thoughts.
I was torturing myself, going over and over past things, even things I said and did when the kids were at primary school.
They are adults now, I really think you need some extra help with all this x

Thank you. It's good to hear from someone who understands. I think it must sound very bizarre to people with no experience of it. Fixating on a sentence, or a thought, or an action sometimes. Analysing my motivation, the other person's motivation etc. Over and over again. I've had people get very impatient with me, and I do understand, as to most people it must seem like a choice. But I know I can't help it.
I think you're right, that I can't deal with it alone. It's starting to depress me, and I don't want to end up with depression in addition to OCD and anxiety.
Thank you so much for your input x

I don't know if it will help but have a look at my AMA and see if it makes sense to you.

Chlomiprimine 150mg is the one for ocd. I took it once (gad) and honestly it’s like being cushioned by pink fluffy clouds with golden rays of light shining inside you.

For me it was ADs and my dog that broke the cycle. Having her around truly living in the moment made me stop living in my head somewhere else.

Thank you. I'll check it out, I'll get back to you...

Oh my gosh @ArseInTheCoOpWindow that sounds incredible! 🤩
You've convinced me I think. I'll try to seek some out at the earliest opportunity.
It's got to the stage that I dread waking up. When I do, I think 'go away consciousness!' The meds you describe may make my waking hours more bearable, or even enjoyable. Thank you so much

I did a CBT course and one of the recommendations for ruminating was to give yourself a set amount of time to do it in, as a PP said.

I don’t particularly ruminate, but if I can’t sleep at night I make lists of things starting with each letter of the alphabet eg. girl’s names, boy’s names, towns in the UK, nice things to eat, nasty things to eat, words with 4 syllables, words that must have nothing to do with each other, animals, places I’d like to go, and so on. It’s a wonder I get any sleep at all!!

Aww, I'm so glad your dog has saved you.
I'm the world's biggest animal lover, and really few things make me happier. Unfortunately I currently live in a tiny flat with no garden, so obviously not the right time to get my own dog. I grew up with dogs, who definitely got me through tough times. I've got the dogs of family and friends in my life, and adore them. Maybe I should ask if I can come round and spend more time with them in a conscious way?
I'm hoping to move to a bigger place soon, and then I'll be in a better place to get one of my own. I actually find feeding the wild birds in a window feeder very comforting, and lovely to watch. Animals and plants are such a gift x

Thank you. That's all really helpful. I need to learn more about CBT. Loads of people have recommended it to me; but I just realised I actually don't know what it is?! I'll do more research...

@Eyesopenwideawake sorry, I can't seem to find your AMA. If you have a moment, would you mind sending me a link? No worries if not. Thanks

Yes! See if you can borrow a dog for a few walks? It's such a joy being able to walk without ruminating. They don't let you!

Thank you. Yes, you're right. Dogs definitely don't do rumination! They move quickly to the next bit of joy that life brings them. I think I'll do that...

Have PM'd you the link

Thank you. I've just had a read of the thread. Fascinating. I'll look into this more...

Have you been to your drs about this? Very often it's not just ocd its a mix of depression also and you need sertraline or propranolol to control those thoughts or relax these thoughts.

No, I've not been to the doctor. I know I should. I've been so resistant to treatment, but know I need it.
I don't generally have depression, but starting to feel very depressed about it all. The self-berating, seemingly endless loop of repetitive thinking is really depressing me.
It depresses me the affect his has on those around me too. Constantly needing reassurance, and quizzing people about the meaning of their words 😔 I feel so guilty; but truly don't feel like I can help it. I think that's my main reason for wanting to overcome it. I want to be a blessing to people, not an annoyance.
I'm away at the moment, but will contact my GP soon

I identify with lots of what you’ve said about struggling with rumination, OP. I have previously been treated for depression and anxiety but fairly recently suspected I have ADHD, and following on from a bit of a spiral today after one fault innocuous conversation, came across ‘RSD’. I came onto this board to see if anyone had any experience of it. I would love any kind of mechanism to regulate these reactions better, I mask them fairly well I think but not always and it’s just exhausting!

*fairly innocuous

@Celledora thank you so much for your message.
I'm sorry you're experiencing similar challenges. So awful isn't it.
I've often wondered if I have inattentive ADHD. I've not been diagnosed, but have many of the symptoms. I'd not heard of RSD before. But I just looked it up, and it's a stunningly accurate description of much of my way of being. Very enlightening to read.
My brother-in-law who accidentally upset me on my birthday has long since forgotten the incident, and probably would be very puzzled if he knew I'm still so upset by it. Devastated even. I actually feel embarrassed that such small things have such a huge effect on me, but I can't control it at all. A single sentence can leave me frantic for weeks, or even months. It makes life very exhausting.
Yes, some regulation would make it easier.
I hope you find more peace soon x

@Celledora you've probably watched this video already if you've been doing research. But thought I'd share it anyway -

It describes me to perfection! I really think you've hit the nail on the head. I think that's what I have, combined with OCD. It says teasing is a trigger, and I CAN'T BEAR to be teased. I can't bear banter. That's what happened with my brother-in-law. He teased me about something I'm super sensitive about. Innocently, so I reacted calmly initially, and just said 'please don't '. He'd been drinking, so didn't take me seriously, and persisted, ramping his sarcastic teasing up a knot. That's the point I just burst into tears, and my mood went from happy to totally despairing in an instant. I felt disrespected, as well as hugely triggered by the words he used, although used in jest. To me EVERYTHING was ruined. I couldn't see it in its few minutes isolation. To make matters worse, he then got a bit defensive, as he hadn't intented to hurt me, and he got a bit cross about my overreaction. That finished me off! I hate any kind of conflict at the best of times. But this was the most stressful of times.
It's literally dominated about 99% of my thinking time since.
The description of RSD makes total sense. The feeling of physical pain in response to any kind of criticism, teasing, imperfection or personal mistakes too. That combined with OCD leaving me stuck. Then intense guilt and self-loathing. Nobody in RL has had much patience for me, which has compounded those feelings of feeling criticised and rejected.

I'm sure I've got this thing. I will seek professional advice.

I actually feel a bit calmer now I've heard about it. That maybe there really is something in my brain, I'm not just being silly.

Anyway, thank you so much for telling me about it. Best wishes and healing to you 😊

I second this. Have you tried going to meditation classes? I went to one the other day and it is a learning curve, you have to really train your mind not to wander but I left with a sense of peace that has really helped this week. Mindfulness in general is extremely helpful for staying in the here and now, I would really recommend it.