Randomly burst into tears in public today

[Nojumpingorrunning]

I feel like over the past weeks I’ve been getting really stressed, overwhelmed and sort of weirdly disassociated. I’ve done a few strange, impulsive things too. Kind of throwing money that I don’t have at things.

Anyway, at a busy London station today I felt like I was about to burst into tears at any moment. My chest was tight and heavy and my eyes started filling up and I just stood there for ages with tears running down my face trying to compose myself. Found a quiet area after a good 5 minutes then went and got a drink etc. I can’t really describe how I’ve felt since, like I’m not in my body or not ‘me’. I’m currently away for work and I honestly could just leave all my bags here and run to the station and go home in my pyjamas.

I don’t know what is happening to me or what to do. I’m by myself. My DH is at home with my small DCs who I’m missing horribly. I have a history of depression and am already on medication, I realise that ‘you might be depressed , see a GP’ will probably be the first advice!

I don’t really know what I want from this post but I’m on my own in a hotel and lonely and I don’t know what to do. I feel like I’ve just ‘broken’ somehow today.

I think going home is probably exactly what you need to do. Are you in London for work? Call in sick and get that train home. See your GP tomorrow x

Have you got any leave coming up OP? It sounds like you need to be home with your babies and DH and have a lovely break. Sending hugs

Poor you. It’s quite late now but if you can get home tonight then why not? Otherwise I’d try and get some food, have a warm bath or shower and nights sleep. Go home in the morning. Work can wait. If you’re ill then you’re I’ll.

Sounds like anxiety. I suffer from it and used to have obsessions with buying things just little things but it would calm me. I've got about 80 pairs of pjs because of this! I used to do it with books, shower gel, anything. The other feelings you talked about has happened with me as well

@Sunmachine hilariously I’ve only been back from a lovely holiday with the family for 2 weeks, so I don’t think that can be it

It’s a long way home, I wouldn’t be able to go until tomorrow and I really can’t as I’m meant to be here a few more days yet, other people in this meeting have travelled from all around the world - I feel it would be very bad form to leave

but I don’t feel like I can stay either ☹️

Sounds like you need a break. Hugs for you. We can only take so much. Put the tv on low, have something to eat and hopefully you can get home tomorrow.

Post holiday blues, combined with anxiety and depression being triggered by being away from your family?

I’ve had so many episodes like this , I could write books about it. Sadly I don’t know how to fix it completely, but I do know a few tricks. There’s usually an underlying physiological trigger for worsening symptoms of Depression and anxiety. You’re tired, burnt out, been Unwell, hormones out of whack etc. one or several of those. And if you’re in a strange place the usual comforts of DHs stupid jokes , or the way the kids smile at you or giggle in the bath etc that’s carrying you through isn’t there and instead you have too much introspective time while also being overstimulated by an unfamiliar environment. Perfect storm for the darkness to creep in. You can only try to cheer yourself up with something like a food treat ? Anything sweet and milky like deserts and icecream are good, or spicy food also releases some good hormones. Get something decent on to watch, my preference is nature stuff or anatomy because it interests me and I can never get into dramas or comedy when I’m in the dark place. Can you call an old friend? Anyone who’s a good listener but gifted with that way of making you see the funny side of things? Or someone who rabbits incessantly about fuck all but will distract you?
It will pass! I promise you, it always does. But try to get something yummy and speak to someone. It’s your best bet I think atm.

@Ardiaei perhaps, I have never felt so strongly that I want to go home

Thanks @Flowersandherbs that’s really helpful and makes a lot of sense

Must be something in the air today or a Full moon or something as I've felt the same today felt close to tears all day for literally no discernable reason

Oh dear. I'm so sorry you feel like this, it is a sign things aren't right. In my opinion, and from my experience, this happens when your body is trying to tell you something is wrong (not physical illness, but that you're taking on too much / have unresolved trauma or issues). I particularly recognise the throwing money away and almost trying to get rid of it. Sort of euphoria and sort of not caring.

I think you should go home. Let me guess, you are someone who always keeps going, who always keeps pushing through, who feels weak if they "give up"? You need to rest , this is your body telling you things are not right. The holiday abroad makes no difference, you are not well and you need to identify why and what this is. Please do go home, don't ignore it put yourself first x

Go home xx

Yep @Wavescrashingonthebeach full moon tonight. Often brings up stuff for me, and I'm struggling.

@Flowersandherbs loved your post, really resonates with me.

OP, get as cosy as you possibly can and try to sleep. If you find music calming, search YouTube for Temple in the Forest by David Naegele, or Garden of Serenity 1 by David and Steve Gordon.

If you can't go home, can your DP and DC come visit you or is there somebody else who can come to London and be with you?

I hope this article helps. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-to-do-when-you-feel-like-running-away-5207364

Sending you a hug x

Evening.
We're just bobbing on here to say that we're so sorry you're feeling this way.
We hope you don't mind, but when these threads are flagged to us we like to link to our web-guides, which we hope may be helpful. If you'd like to, please do feel free to take a look at our Mental Health page.
Very best wishes from all at MNHQ

I've been where you are a few times as well. It's really uncomfortable and very unsettling. Mine was caused by burn out caused by stress which triggered my anxiety and depression.

You have a couple of options. You stay and ride it out until you get home. Easier said than done but it's just a few days. Take each hour as it comes and rest up, eat well. Then you visit your gp and ask for help. Try and get some time off work, plan some nice things and get some rest.

You go home now and get signed off for a month. Make some changes, get some rest and invest in healing time, exercise and eating good healthy foods. Cooking, gardening, walking, seeing friends etc. Fill your tanks back up and know you're going back to work.

What I do know is the times I've acted faster the less time it's taken for me to recover. The times I've ignored it and pushed too hard I've been unwell for months twice very unwell to the point of suicidal and I won't allow myself to let it go that far without help again.

I've learned to act fast and manage the situation before it becomes overwhelming. You know yourself well enough to do what's best for you. If you had a vomiting bug or broke a limb you'd have to go home. Your mental health is no different!

I couldn't read and run.
I have felt like you are feeling now and it's so very horrible.

It's getting late to start a journey home now...do you think you could settle and stay tonight? Put something that you like on the tv, or YouTube. Play a game on your phone. Anything that relaxes you or allows you to switch off.

Might the familiar routine of work help tomorrow?
If you're not well enough to go, then don't. You can get yourself home in the daytime if you need to.

I just wanted to send you a huge hug. I hope you're feeling more like yourself soon xx

It sounds like poor mental health, but it's worth bearing in mind that sometimes this can be triggered by a physical condition.

I developed poor mental health due to a vitamin deficiency - once that physical problem was treated, my mental health also recovered.

Taking a lovely break only really helps when the cause is purely mental. It could actually be physical as well.

Be compassionate towards yourself, make an appointment to see your GP, and if you don't feel quite right, don't be afraid to advocate for yourself and push for tests.

Thank you for being so kind everyone

Just checking back and see you’ve had some lovely advice from lots of people. Hope you find something that helps OP

Sometimes things get a bit too much don't they. I wish I could cry

Hope yesterdays feelings have passed OP 🙏 take each day as it come, go easy on yourself, when you feel overwhelmed say a little prayer to calm your mind 🙏
Soon you will reunite with your family, til then do what you can to stay afloat. This too shall pass 🙏