On the anxiety rollercoaster

[GonksHaveNoEyes]

I’m up and down with my anxiety. I feel like I need to live in a bubble where nothing out of the ordinary happens and I can just drift along happily. But life is not like that is it?
I tend to catastrophise and get things out of proportion and I don’t know how to not be like this.
I can’t afford therapy and don’t want meds but maybe I should. I think it might be time to try them again but then when my latest dilemma is over, I will be fine again.
I’ll give you a little example of how ridiculous I am. Was whinging on for months about going on holiday abroad. Finally booked it then started stressing. Then dd found out she couldn’t fly out with us and has to come the next day.Package holiday so basically just a no show and the travel company are fine with this. So what you might say? It’s not a big deal is it? Yes to me it’s a catastrophe and here lies my problem. My perspective is all wrong. When I look back at all the things I have stressed about, which then turned out to be ok, it’s crazy.
I know there are far far worse things going on in the world and I apologise to those of you who have genuine problems but can anyone give any advice? And I apologise for rambling and thank you for reading this far.

Dear OP, I experience similar anxiety to you. I call them bouts of anxiety.
I worry about my adult children doing things too and it is also irregular, as in worrying about some harmless activity they are doing more than a potentially more dangerous one, so am watching this thread with interest.
However, when I was younger I never worried like this so I think it’s because I’m menopausal and on HRT and anti depressants but nothing can stop the anxiety from escalating once it starts.

SoyMarina yes mine are bouts of anxiety but I can’t blame it on the menopause coz I’ve had it way before all of that.
I went through a phase of health anxiety years ago but that passed. Replaced by this!
Interesting to read about childhood experiences and how you pick up on things. My dad was a proper homebody and didn’t like anything out of the ordinary. His comments would be “you don’t want to do that” followed by what I thought were ridiculous reasons. When I got older I just used to roll my eyes and carry on. But here I am.

BigFatHamster. Yes Dh is up for discussions as he suffers from anxiety himself from time to time but over the years I’ve talked his ears off and I think he’s fed up with it.
What I want from him is reassurance and to be told everything will be fine. But he is unable to/won’t do that. Won’t lie to make me feel better.

I think you should read up on the anxiety cycle. Its perpetuated by asking for reassurance. Just stop asking and checking and agree with your husband that he will not reassure you. If you dont do that your need for reassurance will ramp up and anxiety will get worse.

Yes I know about this. I don’t constantly seek reassurance from him and he won’t give it just for the sake of it anyway. It is more just talking but once in a while would be nice though.
For this very reason sometimes I’m a bit reluctant to talk about my worries. Then they get stuck in my head and grow out of proportion. A few words - from anyone - can stop this but I don’t want to be that person who is forever wanting.
Its very complex isn’t it?

Would talking stuff through with someone independent be helpful? I've been using a therapy instant messaging service on the weekends (its free at the weekends ATM) which has really helped to have someone else to go to, anxiety is rubbish :(

Spottydottyguraffe yes. Even chatting in here make a difference.

Have a look here -
https://www.wangie.app/
You just download from the app store and choose any of the therapists that are online to speak to via instant message for however long you want. It's free on weekends, I think this weekend and next weekend. I've found it a real help to have a professional eye over my worries. I've spoken to a few, they've all been excellent

Thanks had a look and not sure about privacy etc. And its only free this weekend and next when I am away. Then similar prices to face to face therapy.
I also looked at hypnotherapy nearby and its about £600 for 4 sessions. I know I am going on a bit about money but it’s too much at the moment ☹️

I understand :(

Lots of therapists will offer lower cost places based on income, it might be worth contacting anyone that you feel might be helpful and asking the question, the worst they can say is no?

I use the app for the free support like I would talk to a friend, it's not a long term solution, but it's helpful for the moment

Not all hypnotherapists charge the same price.

It’s awful that access to good therapy is based on income. Of course the therapists need to make a living and I’m sure they are worth it but when you are on minimum wage it’s a struggle. nhs treatment here is so bad and the waiting lists ridiculous.
I waited 6 months for a course of telephone cbt and it was useless to me. By the time I got it I felt ok so didn’t really engage with it and the therapist just seemed to be reading from a script anyway.
My DH had some hypnotherapy and it did nothing for him. But that was nearly 20 years ago and things will have changed a lot since then. I would try it myself.

nhs treatment here is so bad
By that I mean the waiting lists for ftf are so long. Not that the treatment they give is bad.

Im going to gently note that it seems to me that you are resisting commiting to trying something that will probably help resolve the issue you outlined. Its free this weekend so you can try it? Also hypnotherapy is not the best option here. You need a therapist who specialises in anxiety. You might pay £50 a srssion and try 2 or 3 and see what you think. Also all of the main psychotherapy training places offer low cost, supervised training. You have lots of options but you need to be proactive.

Thank you. Yes I just need to take the first step and actually do something instead of moaning about it.
I will have a look at the app this afternoon.
And when I get back from holiday then seriously look into a therapist.
I appreciate yours and everyone else’s comments on here. It means a lot.

Just an update. Done the free chat on the app which confirms to me that I need therapy face to face. I need to talk to someone in depth I think so I’m going to look into it.

Well done, that's a really good first step

Thanks. They also gave me a link with worksheets etc to have a go at.
I will have to be really strict with myself and do this because I know in a weeks time when I’m on holiday and dd has arrived safely and I feel fine, I will wonder what I was fussing about.
I need to sort it.

And this morning I feel dreadful. Up since 4.30

Why?

Stressing about my holiday as per my original post.

Have you tried propranolol ?
I tried it last week when I was awake with anxiety bouts at about 3.30 am.
It stopped my racing heart and the awful icy feeling in my tummy so I could sleep.
I took 2 tabs of 10 mg.

I have got some from a few years ago SoyMarina which I hardly ever used.

They’re not a long term solution, I suppose.

Yes but useful when needed.