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Original poster

is there something i can take to make me stop thinking of the past?

99 replies

anonymous22mner · 19/02/2008 17:18

it consisted of sexual abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse and rape, self harm. i magaged to push it all to the back of my mind and get on with my life but somehow its cropped back to the front and i havent been able to stop thinking about everything. i feel its all been effecting my relationship with dp without me being aware ive been pushing him to be violent towards me as i cant trust any man and i want him to prove me right...does this make sense? i feel yuk. i hate myself for it all and think there musta been something i done. i cant talk to anybody about it as it makes it more real as it is doing now. im scared to go to a councilor.

OP posts:
jo1987 · 19/02/2008 20:55

Shall do, thank you x

Original poster
anonymous22mner · 20/02/2008 23:05

dp says i have to throw it into the back of my mind again

OP posts:
Original poster
anonymous22mner · 21/02/2008 10:24

im phoning doc at 11.10 about ads why am i panicing?!

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Original poster
anonymous22mner · 21/02/2008 10:24

im phoning doc at 11.10 about ads why am i panicing?!

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seasidemama · 21/02/2008 12:09

Sorry I missed this earlier. How did you get on with the doc?

Original poster
anonymous22mner · 21/02/2008 12:28

he wants me to go in tuesday. dont know if i can. he also wants to record it for training purposes.

OP posts:
seasidemama · 21/02/2008 12:33

Is the recording making it seem worse to you? You absolutely do not have to agree to it.

Original poster
anonymous22mner · 21/02/2008 12:39

yeh dont think it really matters im not gonna talk about anything just say that im not eating, sleeping, dont want to get up in the morning or leave the house or do anything really. he will put it down as pnd as ive had that b4.

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seasidemama · 21/02/2008 12:46

Is that what you want though?

Original poster
anonymous22mner · 21/02/2008 12:47

yes i think so

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JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 21/02/2008 12:48

I've never heard of an appointment being recorded for training purposes, wtf? I mean yeah on occasion they'll say "is t ok if a student doctor sits in?" but why on earth would they record you? Especially given the sensitive nature of your reason for getting the ad's.

What's next? "spread your legs luv, we're going to record your smear test for training purposes"

Hell no, fuck them. Let them record people who go in for blood pressure meds and ingrowing toenails. Tell them you don't want to be recorded and you want to know why you have been singled out as recordable in the first place.

I know the ad's won't help long term but short term they'll help you get by and cope. Surely they know that vulnerable people who feel they need ad's won't want to be recorded, how thick are they?

You're an amazingly strong person, don't let this snag put you off. And do ask for a referral to someone who has a chance of actually helping you. at your dp for telling you to shove it all to the back of your mind again. Tell him to shove his opinion up his arse! You need support not to be told to shut up and put up. Bloody men.

Keep posting, anonymous. Talking it through here may help you get used to talking in preperation for speaking to a professional. x

Original poster
anonymous22mner · 21/02/2008 12:53

pmsl omg james first time i have laughed in a while lol
to be fair to the docs they dont know the nature of the problem.
dp i feel is right in a way, being thats what i want to do but at the same time if i do get rid of it with wednesdays bin man then whens it gonna be dumped on me again.

OP posts:
JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 21/02/2008 12:56

Ohhh x posts. Look, it isn't PND so I really wouldn't blame it on that. I know you don't want to talk to your (shockingly insensitive turd of a) gp BUT he won't be able to treat your correctly if he thinks your symptoms are because of something else. It's like going in and asking for diarrhea medication to treat your sore throat and then wondering why you still have a runny bum.

Please let them help you, what happened to you isn't your fault.

seasidemama · 21/02/2008 13:01

Is there any way you can get some support to go on Tuesday? I think you've been incredibly brave this morning - good for you!

Original poster
anonymous22mner · 21/02/2008 13:02

oh shit just posted anon on another thread. anyway lol again james. i know i just want to get the meds though and then go from there suppose i could just say some things have cropped up on me and they are the reason i used to self harm.

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Original poster
anonymous22mner · 21/02/2008 13:03

well ill have all 3 kids with me! fuck this app is gonna be a shambels

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ROSEgarden · 21/02/2008 13:05

your Op was like reading my thought a few years back

i tried to take my own life at 16, felt like i was cracking up, going madthen got found, tried all ad's, didnt work, then had counselling with a charity called 'search' they were fantastic(had counselling previously which was no good, too upset, diff councelling)..mine also all came back once dd was born at it turned nasty but hopefully im out of the fog now..im here if you need to talk

JamesAndTheGiantBanana · 21/02/2008 13:08

Can't your mum or someone have them for a few mins while you go in? If you really don't feel ready to tell your gp the real reason for you needing the AD's right now then do what you think is best, but I really think if you are honest he won't be shocked or judge you, and you'll feel like you've made a positive step in the right direction.

I've been on AD's a few times, and when I went to get them I was pretty much at the end of my tether so burst into embarassing tears and snotted all over the doctor (she gave me a hug! bet she regretted that!) lol

Original poster
anonymous22mner · 21/02/2008 13:08

thanks rose good to hear your sucess story. done the same thing a number of times around that age. moved away from home at that age lived quite far away in a yuk hostel then they refered me for councelling which the same was useless didnt even talk about it

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ROSEgarden · 21/02/2008 13:10

you might benefit from CBT counselling too, kinda changes the way you 'think' about things..think mummy2steven(??) recomended this too me a while back)..i still have dark days and dd is almsot 5 now, but i somehow manage to get through..hope you do too

Original poster
anonymous22mner · 21/02/2008 13:10

lol done that quite a few times james how embarresing! well i need a smoke! im like a choo choo lately.

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Original poster
anonymous22mner · 21/02/2008 13:19

james mum has no car atm and dont want her to know anything another part of my fucked up life

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ROSEgarden · 21/02/2008 13:25

could you not pretend to her you were going for a smear? something you dont want the kids around for?

Original poster
anonymous22mner · 21/02/2008 13:33

yeh i could but she doesnt have anyway down and ive noway up. mabe make it easier anyways they might not ask too many questions

OP posts:
ROSEgarden · 21/02/2008 13:49

can you not get a visit from a nurse/health visitor so then they can pass info to gp and refer you??