Self harm questions.

[smurfgirl]

Sorry to keep posting about this I know its v.yawn.

Recently my self harm has been quite bad, I have stitches at the moment, and have attended hospital twice in a week, and given a chance would probably take quite a large overdose.

Generally my mental health nurse is quite chilled about my harm but i feel differently about it at the moment. I want to as much damage as possible, and this last cut was ridiculous. But the next cut I do will have to be as big - and whilst I am trying hard to put it off it feels rather inevitable at this point. Luckily i would not be able to do it until Tuesday which gives me some breathing space. I am worried because before I did this last one I felt sick, panicked etc but could not stop myself.

Any experience? I am a bit freaked really. I don't think anything will change in my care but I wondered what anyone elses experiences were if their self harm stepped up a level?

Cheers.

never mind what the laid back mh nurse says - what do the rest of your family say? Do they know? What about your fiance?

Perhaps the nurse's policy is not to give you too much attention as a result of your self harm as it might encourage you to do more.

So maybe I shouldn't be reacting either.

On the other hand nobody wants you to do this. Have no experience of this myself, too much sense of survival.

What is it about harming yourself that addresses any of your problems?

Fiance says I should not do it but I know that.

I don't self harm for attention particularly, am quite surprised at this new turn, I suspect I am trying to show myself how bad it is?

Self harm is about survival!!!!

Do you have any CBT techniques to help you stop? Or, are yo relying on will alone

I am having TA actually not CBT - only stuff I have is the distraction stuff like ice cubes but i want the damage - hence my worry.

sorry but i think you are doing it for attention.

??

There are support groups for self-harmers (there used to be a usenet forum, not sure what it is now but there will be something). SOme people find it helpful to hear from others who have been there and now got through it. SOmetimes medication helps, though not always. Do you know what your triggers are, and is it possible to avoid or minimise them? Are you in a particularly bad situation (abusive relationship, homelessness) that you can take any steps to change, or can get external help to change?
It's a miserable compulsion to have, partly because it has such an awful effect on the people close to you. But many sufferers do overcome it in time and you can do it to. GOod luck.

are you aware of this website, they also have a helpline

www.users.zetnet.co.uk/bcsw/contact.htm

I feel rather out of my depth in advising at all - I only ever dabbled very slightly in self-harm - for me it was a case of wanting to replace mental pain with physical pain - not sure if that is the same for you. From what you are describing I wonder if it's almost like addiction - that you get a high or release from the self-harm, so maybe that's why it's increasing? If you can hold on until tuesday before any serious incidents, why not longer?

I moderate a self harm forum actually.

Have v.stable secure life.

I'll be honest - am concerned about being sectioned - was mentioned a LONG time ago, and not mentioned since but still a concern.

MOre concerned about being sectioned than bleeding to death? If your self-harm is escalating then maybe a short stay in a psychiatric unit would help you.

Smurfgirl do you think you would benefit from some time in an appropriate unit? Do you have any half-way houses in your area?

bethoo feck off somewhere unless you can say something constructive

Smurf CPN will take the stance of not giving attention to SH will make it less likely to reoccur. However that is not the case with you. Am a SH but it is always impulsive rather than planned. The fact you are planning yours and are aware of when you will next have opportunity means you could also put in place a distraction which means you wont be able to use that opportunity. Whether it is making an appointment for cpn to come out or it is to set something down that you have to do. I have worked as MH worker aswell and worked with a lady who basically completely sliced her body up..one of the techniques we used was to maintain clean wounds and use of clean utensils. Ensuring that she had to see someone for large periods of time per day and also giving contact no. to telephone before SH. I know sometimes your mind is soo focused on the one thing it can be hard to redirect it but you can, the fact you are posting on here means you are strong and capable of taking control. You are in charge and regardless of why you SH as long as you remain in control it will continue to help you survive, when you let it take over is when it boarders on the possibility of it no longer being about survival.

I don't know tbh, I am worried yes, had a mega shock on Wednesday and was very surprised when went to minor injuries the next day and needed stitches and the nurse said it probably needed internal stitches.

But I am not mentally ill (honest to God I am NOT in denial - mental health nurse says this as does psychiatrist) so I don't know.

bethoo - what do you mean for attention, i know i am posting a lot but i am worried about myself, and don't want to tell anyone irl really - sorry if i am coming across badly i don't mean to

well you are not mentally TIP-TOP at the moment

I've just said this on another thread - my local Mind runs a telephone helpline that is open on Friday nights from 8-12 with trained counsellors. They have lots of experience in mental health issues and self-harming. Why not give them a ring? 01823 276892 - it might help to just have a different perspective for 10 minutes or so.

i used to be more impulsive, i have to plan at the moment because what i am doing requires a lot of time to do. Its like I save everything up inside me and when I self harm it takes everything away as sick as it is Wednesday made me feel better. I don't feel like I have a choice, its like I get an idea in my head and a picture of what i want and it won't go away.

I try and be as busy as possible but obviously can't fill every day.

I am not chopping my leg off or anything I would like to add!

Thanks for number MP. I know I am not fantastic

I can't ring tonight because DF is in house and I don't want him to hear me.

He does know about it, but I do not want him to know the weird stuff going on. He thinks if I just tried harder I would be ok. Prob true.

smurf..what you need to tell DF. It is not weird it is an illness. I know its embarrasing for them to know how you feel[have kept stuff from dh in the past] but it might help with some of that letting tension go feelings to tell him or someone else. What is the weird stuff as you put it? What are you trying to let out?

He knows I am SIing, but not that it is pretty bad and not about the overdoses.

I want to cut my wrists and he says he will leave me if I do which is really hard.

And I have lots of intrusive images/thoughts which I have only told mental health nurse about because its weirdness.

This is so depressing for a friday night.

are the intrusive thoughts triggering the s-h? are you spending lots of time anxious because of the intrusive thoughts?

Yeah.

V.anxious, v.intrusive, v.upsetting.

are you on any meds? What has MH nurse said about the thoughts?

you might find this book helpful:-

www.amazon.co.uk/Imp-Mind-Exploring-Epidemic-Obsessive/dp/0452283078/ref=pd_bbs_ sr_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1203107312&sr=8-1

(called the Imp of the Mind), about dealing with unpleasant intrusive thoughts. Kind of from an OCD perspective.

Not read this one, but it sounds good, and possibly less OCD related:-

www.amazon.co.uk/White-Bears-Other-Unwanted-Thoughts/dp/customer-reviews/0898622 239/ref=cmcrdpallhelpful?ie=UTF8&customer-reviews.sort%5Fby=-SubmissionDate&coliid=&showViewpoin ts=1&customer-reviews.start=1&qid=1203107312&sr=8-1&colid=#customerReviews

I do have some experience of the sort of thoughts you are describing as part of OCD - it is very distressing and difficult to discuss with others (even, or especially health pros). Everyone has the odd strange or nasty thought -but sometimes if we are vulnerable, we are prone to more of these thoughts, then get anxious over having them, which is a vicious circle - as the more you try not to think about something, the harder it becomes not to obsess on it.

No meds - not needed really.

nemo - for your info i self harmed for over a decade so i prob can sympathise a lot better than you.
smurfgirl - i ma sorry if i came across harsh but there is only one person here who can really help you and that is you. yur fiance is being supportive but take it from me it is hurting him to see you do this to yourself and i do not want you to lose it as there is only so much that a loved one can watch you on a road to self destruction. i suggest you see a councilor as there is usually a deep hidden reason to this self mutilation, i had never heard of the ice cube thing when i did it and to be honest it would not appeal to me now. i understand that it is a release and unless you have done it you do not understand that it can become addictive and yoou see it as the only form of expressing yuorself/releasing your feelings.
i hope that is to your satisfaction nemo!!!!

Oh, smurfgirl

I don't think I can help really but I wanted you to know I sympathise. I am verging on SIing again.

You know about sticking your face in icy water, don't you? There is a lot of research that shows it helps in the moment when you desperately need to SH (like when you jump into a really cold swimming pool and it takes your breath away - it is more than just distraction, it has a physical effect too). Fill a sink with VERY cold water and ice. Put your face in for as long as you can bear. If you are out you can use ice on your forehead or even a can on coke etc. It must be VERY cold and wet.