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Original poster

Anyone had any good/bad experiences with therapy and CBT?

56 replies

James637 · 31/03/2023 22:59

Ive really been struggling with anxiety for a long time now and it’s particularly around certain issues should as ‘what ifs’ about the future. I’m 34 male and worried I’m running out of time to decide whether I want kids and it’s literally making my head spin constantly. I get ruminating thoughts about it and can’t just go with the flow of life and see what happens. I’m also petrified of my parents passing away! I’ve been told by doctors etc that I need to do therapy and particularly Cbt. I am going to do this and give it 100% but I’m kind of skeptical how it’s going to get me to a place where I’m laid back about this stuff. I feel like this is just my personality, I’m a big overthinker!

Ive heard good and bad things about therapy and cbt but interested to see what people on here have to say!

OP posts:
Floribundaflummery · 31/03/2023 23:16

Recommend CBT as it gives you a way to process and become more aware of thought patterns which can help ruminating thoughts. I don’t necessarily think it changes you into a ‘laid back person’, but has definitely helped me with intrusive anxious thoughts and given me tools for the future. I’ve also found learning to deep breathe properly and do body scan immensely helpful. Good luck.

Original poster
James637 · 31/03/2023 23:24

Floribundaflummery · 31/03/2023 23:16

Recommend CBT as it gives you a way to process and become more aware of thought patterns which can help ruminating thoughts. I don’t necessarily think it changes you into a ‘laid back person’, but has definitely helped me with intrusive anxious thoughts and given me tools for the future. I’ve also found learning to deep breathe properly and do body scan immensely helpful. Good luck.

That makes sense. What is a body scan?

Thanks, strugglesville here tonight! 🙏 😊

OP posts:
Floribundaflummery · 31/03/2023 23:26

Body scan is relaxation exercise you can do probably loads online for initial guidance. You lie down and breath slowly counting and in turn tense and release each set of muscles, by the end total relaxtion!

Tormundsbeard · 31/03/2023 23:42

CBT really changed my life for the better. It managed to silence my ‘inner critic’ that was constantly telling me how useless and unlikeable I was. It retrained my thought patterns from being negative about myself to being normal and healthy. Another good thing was that it was short term. It teaches you tools to use going forward. Good luck OP.

Original poster
James637 · 31/03/2023 23:43

Floribundaflummery · 31/03/2023 23:26

Body scan is relaxation exercise you can do probably loads online for initial guidance. You lie down and breath slowly counting and in turn tense and release each set of muscles, by the end total relaxtion!

Ahhh yes like deep relaxation stuff… I know I have done that in the past!

OP posts:
Original poster
James637 · 31/03/2023 23:45

Tormundsbeard · 31/03/2023 23:42

CBT really changed my life for the better. It managed to silence my ‘inner critic’ that was constantly telling me how useless and unlikeable I was. It retrained my thought patterns from being negative about myself to being normal and healthy. Another good thing was that it was short term. It teaches you tools to use going forward. Good luck OP.

Thanks for the reply!

Did you feel like you were kidding yourself sometimes? I’ve read up on the methods for cbt and like you say retraining thoughts.. but like sometimes I wonder if it’s sort of lying to yourself in a way because maybe the negative thoughts are true! 😟

OP posts:
Floribundaflummery · 31/03/2023 23:56

It doesn’t make you lie to yourself. Don’t think that would work😂. But there is an acknowledgement that we can’t know some things eg illness, death. There are plenty of ways we can challenge negative and anxious thoughts though and I think focussing on some you can do can help with overall anxiety levels.

Original poster
James637 · 01/04/2023 00:15

Floribundaflummery · 31/03/2023 23:56

It doesn’t make you lie to yourself. Don’t think that would work😂. But there is an acknowledgement that we can’t know some things eg illness, death. There are plenty of ways we can challenge negative and anxious thoughts though and I think focussing on some you can do can help with overall anxiety levels.

I hope so! Thanks!

OP posts:
Tormundsbeard · 01/04/2023 04:20

For me it was challenging my deep seated negative beliefs until I ended up questioning them. I had had other types of therapy before, but CBT was the breakthrough I needed. Even when something happens that I would previously have taken as reinforcement of my previous low self esteem, the tools that CBT have taught me are strong enough to stop me going down previous dark paths.
I was very surprised how powerful it was. You have to commit fully to it, but I am so glad I did.

Autienotnautie · 01/04/2023 05:51

I struggled with mh. I did CBT and a mind fullness course through nhs. Both helped massively as I learnt my thinking style and how to manage it and I learned to be better with my feelings. I've also paid for hypnotherapy in past which was massively helpful

CognitiveBehaviouralHypnotherapy · 01/04/2023 09:14

OP, I understand that you worry about lying to yourself if you start installing positive beliefs in your mind?

well, this very common and I have a conversation like this with almost every client.

I'd like to invite you to think about a specific situation that’s shaped by a negative belief. As a very crude example: someone thinks ‘I’m insecure and awkward’ during a job interview.

A cognitive behavioural therapist would ask you something like: ‘So let’s say you’re in (the interview). How justified is your belief emotionally? How valid does the statement ‘I’m insecure and awkward’ feel on an emotional level? Give a number 0-100 (0 not valid, 100 = 100% true).’

Your number here, for example: ’85’.

CBT: ‘Okay. And now I’d like you to consider how accurate this number is in reality. From an objective point of view. Give a number 0-100 (0 not valid, 100 = 100% true).’

Your number here, for example: ’35’

CBT: ‘It’s already a difference, do you see?’

You might answer: ‘It’s a difference but the truth is that it’s REAL. This, this is my personality, this is a feature of me: I’m insecure and awkward!’

CBT: ‘So, tell me: how constructive is that way of thinking about things? On a level from 0-100. How helpful is this thought during a job interview?’

You: ‘....Well, there’s two ways to answer that. Cause I think that acknowledging things is important cause if you don’t acknowledge you can’t fix them. But if I run around telling myself that [negative belief] all the time then that’s how I’m gonna be so I don’t think it’s helpful or useful to think about it in those terms but I think that to dismiss it is…..dangerous… not dangerous… you know what I mean’

CBT: ‘okay. Let’s get constructive then. Let’s imagine how you might be thinking in that interview once you’ve mastered it, imagine you’re a confident communicator and great at interviews.’

‘I would feel great! That would feel about a real win for me!’

‘And what has changed in your thinking, in your perspective? Imagine yourself mastering the interview situation. What has changed?’

‘………..well it’s funny actually when you say it like that! Because maybe what’s changed is ME...’

So what do you think, how important are the stories you tell yourself OP?

Ifailed · 01/04/2023 09:17

I had 26 sessions of intense CBT 10 years ago, I wouldn't be here today without it.

Original poster
James637 · 01/04/2023 12:05

Tormundsbeard · 01/04/2023 04:20

For me it was challenging my deep seated negative beliefs until I ended up questioning them. I had had other types of therapy before, but CBT was the breakthrough I needed. Even when something happens that I would previously have taken as reinforcement of my previous low self esteem, the tools that CBT have taught me are strong enough to stop me going down previous dark paths.
I was very surprised how powerful it was. You have to commit fully to it, but I am so glad I did.

Amazing!

OP posts:
Original poster
James637 · 01/04/2023 12:11

CognitiveBehaviouralHypnotherapy · 01/04/2023 09:14

OP, I understand that you worry about lying to yourself if you start installing positive beliefs in your mind?

well, this very common and I have a conversation like this with almost every client.

I'd like to invite you to think about a specific situation that’s shaped by a negative belief. As a very crude example: someone thinks ‘I’m insecure and awkward’ during a job interview.

A cognitive behavioural therapist would ask you something like: ‘So let’s say you’re in (the interview). How justified is your belief emotionally? How valid does the statement ‘I’m insecure and awkward’ feel on an emotional level? Give a number 0-100 (0 not valid, 100 = 100% true).’

Your number here, for example: ’85’.

CBT: ‘Okay. And now I’d like you to consider how accurate this number is in reality. From an objective point of view. Give a number 0-100 (0 not valid, 100 = 100% true).’

Your number here, for example: ’35’

CBT: ‘It’s already a difference, do you see?’

You might answer: ‘It’s a difference but the truth is that it’s REAL. This, this is my personality, this is a feature of me: I’m insecure and awkward!’

CBT: ‘So, tell me: how constructive is that way of thinking about things? On a level from 0-100. How helpful is this thought during a job interview?’

You: ‘....Well, there’s two ways to answer that. Cause I think that acknowledging things is important cause if you don’t acknowledge you can’t fix them. But if I run around telling myself that [negative belief] all the time then that’s how I’m gonna be so I don’t think it’s helpful or useful to think about it in those terms but I think that to dismiss it is…..dangerous… not dangerous… you know what I mean’

CBT: ‘okay. Let’s get constructive then. Let’s imagine how you might be thinking in that interview once you’ve mastered it, imagine you’re a confident communicator and great at interviews.’

‘I would feel great! That would feel about a real win for me!’

‘And what has changed in your thinking, in your perspective? Imagine yourself mastering the interview situation. What has changed?’

‘………..well it’s funny actually when you say it like that! Because maybe what’s changed is ME...’

So what do you think, how important are the stories you tell yourself OP?

Thanks for the detailed reply!

So I can see how this works for some problems but what about decisions such as having children or not? My family say I’m overthinking it massively but I just feel that’s my personality. They say it’s anxiety and ocd. I’m not convinced it is apart from when it gets to panic attack level. I’ve spoke to friends who just say that they ‘go with the flow’ and I just don’t understand how anyone can do this regarding such a big decision.

How would cbt address this?

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 01/04/2023 15:03

Have a look at this video on Core Beliefs; the 'truths' we developed during childhood which influence how we think, feel and behave throughout our lives. They can be changed, but first you need to know what yours are.

s

Core Beliefs - The Driving Force Behind Your Thoughts And Actions

Your CORE BELIEFS are a lot more than just what you think when something happens. Core beliefs affect who you are as a person, the identity you adopt in the ...

https://www.youtube.com/watch?t=196s&v=ZYjDhbIrW2U

Original poster
James637 · 01/04/2023 17:30

Eyesopenwideawake · 01/04/2023 15:03

Have a look at this video on Core Beliefs; the 'truths' we developed during childhood which influence how we think, feel and behave throughout our lives. They can be changed, but first you need to know what yours are.

s

Thanks this was really good, however how would this help you make a decision on having kids or not?

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 01/04/2023 17:38

Can't help with that question, sorry. A few questions you might want to ask yourself.

Do you actively want children? Can you imagine yourself changing a nappy, spending most of your income on raising a child, and devoting most of your free time to being a parent? Do you like other people's children and feel happy being with them? Do you have a partner who wants children?

Original poster
James637 · 01/04/2023 20:31

Eyesopenwideawake · 01/04/2023 17:38

Can't help with that question, sorry. A few questions you might want to ask yourself.

Do you actively want children? Can you imagine yourself changing a nappy, spending most of your income on raising a child, and devoting most of your free time to being a parent? Do you like other people's children and feel happy being with them? Do you have a partner who wants children?

Hmmm this is where I struggle! I literally have no idea if I want them and the anxiety that I cannot make a decision is driving me nuts! I’m single at the moment and other people’s kids are okay yeah but I dunno about having my own. I feel like I should know this before entering a relationship really! 😐

OP posts:
Eyesopenwideawake · 03/04/2023 17:37

I feel like I should know this before entering a relationship really!

Not really. You have no idea what view any future partner might have about children. They may already have them, they may be unable to have them. They may, like me, prefer dogs!

You are 34, not 84. Relax and take your time.

Original poster
James637 · 03/04/2023 18:19

Eyesopenwideawake · 03/04/2023 17:37

I feel like I should know this before entering a relationship really!

Not really. You have no idea what view any future partner might have about children. They may already have them, they may be unable to have them. They may, like me, prefer dogs!

You are 34, not 84. Relax and take your time.

I feel like you would choose beforehand though if you wanted to date a women with kids etc or if she didn’t want kids then the decision would still be down to me as to whether I would continue dating her. I feel like the kids preference comes before the partner no?

OP posts:
Original poster
James637 · 03/04/2023 18:19

And I feel old at 34! Most my friends already have one!

OP posts:
Auntpodder · 03/04/2023 18:23

was transformative for me - made me more accepting of myself and a framework to get on track when crap happens. But I had a very, very good therapist who didn’t take a prescriptive CBT approach…

Auntpodder · 03/04/2023 18:24

And my father was well over 40 when I came along and was a fab parent.

IconicKitty · 03/04/2023 18:25

I have had CBT both online and over the phone (free). The purpose is to challenge and understand the thinking that causes you issues, but you have to be really on board with wanting to change your thinking for it to work. For me, it helped me understand my thoughts better, but it didn't stop the anxiety even though I understood my mind was playing tricks on me. So I think it probably helps more for milder cases, but it's not counselling in the way you would talk through with a paid counsellor.

Original poster
James637 · 03/04/2023 18:52

IconicKitty · 03/04/2023 18:25

I have had CBT both online and over the phone (free). The purpose is to challenge and understand the thinking that causes you issues, but you have to be really on board with wanting to change your thinking for it to work. For me, it helped me understand my thoughts better, but it didn't stop the anxiety even though I understood my mind was playing tricks on me. So I think it probably helps more for milder cases, but it's not counselling in the way you would talk through with a paid counsellor.

How did you cope with your anxiety in the end? Did you try another form of therapy?

OP posts: