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Original poster

Anyone had any good/bad experiences with therapy and CBT?

56 replies

James637 · 31/03/2023 22:59

Ive really been struggling with anxiety for a long time now and it’s particularly around certain issues should as ‘what ifs’ about the future. I’m 34 male and worried I’m running out of time to decide whether I want kids and it’s literally making my head spin constantly. I get ruminating thoughts about it and can’t just go with the flow of life and see what happens. I’m also petrified of my parents passing away! I’ve been told by doctors etc that I need to do therapy and particularly Cbt. I am going to do this and give it 100% but I’m kind of skeptical how it’s going to get me to a place where I’m laid back about this stuff. I feel like this is just my personality, I’m a big overthinker!

Ive heard good and bad things about therapy and cbt but interested to see what people on here have to say!

OP posts:
Original poster
James637 · 03/04/2023 18:52

Auntpodder · 03/04/2023 18:23

was transformative for me - made me more accepting of myself and a framework to get on track when crap happens. But I had a very, very good therapist who didn’t take a prescriptive CBT approach…

How long did you do it for?

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Eyesopenwideawake · 03/04/2023 18:53

James637 · 03/04/2023 18:19

I feel like you would choose beforehand though if you wanted to date a women with kids etc or if she didn’t want kids then the decision would still be down to me as to whether I would continue dating her. I feel like the kids preference comes before the partner no?

Show quote history

No - you're putting the cart before the horse, especially as you don't seem to have strong feelings one way or the other. If you were absolutely certain then that would impact on who you date but as you aren't then it's really not an issue. You really can't prescribe who you're going to fall in love with...

AHelpfulHand · 03/04/2023 19:00

CBT was great for me.

what it made me realise is that the problem was my extended family, not me.

they’re very negative and critical and like to constantly pass unwanted and helpful comments.

it helps to change your mindset.

also I was and still am petrified of dh dying. What helped is that she encouraged me to get wills and power of attorney sorted so that if the worst were to happen, things were in place to help ease some things.

one thing I will say though is, don’t have children on a whim. If you’re not 💯 sure, then don’t have them. You can’t change your mind once they have been conceived and you can’t send them back once they’re here.

Original poster
James637 · 03/04/2023 19:04

Eyesopenwideawake · 03/04/2023 18:53

No - you're putting the cart before the horse, especially as you don't seem to have strong feelings one way or the other. If you were absolutely certain then that would impact on who you date but as you aren't then it's really not an issue. You really can't prescribe who you're going to fall in love with...

Show quote history

That’s true I guess. I just feel I’m running out of time and with my anxiety it’s hard to commit to long term decisions so it’s like I feel casually dating is too much of a laid back approach and I need to make a decision now and find a girl that wants the same 🤯

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Original poster
James637 · 03/04/2023 19:06

AHelpfulHand · 03/04/2023 19:00

CBT was great for me.

what it made me realise is that the problem was my extended family, not me.

they’re very negative and critical and like to constantly pass unwanted and helpful comments.

it helps to change your mindset.

also I was and still am petrified of dh dying. What helped is that she encouraged me to get wills and power of attorney sorted so that if the worst were to happen, things were in place to help ease some things.

one thing I will say though is, don’t have children on a whim. If you’re not 💯 sure, then don’t have them. You can’t change your mind once they have been conceived and you can’t send them back once they’re here.

I have terrible anxiety thinking of my parents dying! That’s one of the things I worry about constantly!

In regards to children, I feel I’ll never be 100% as the anxiety won’t let me be sure about anything.

I worry I won’t love them if I was to have them as well and would have to live a lie and fake it 🙈

How long did you do the cbt for?

OP posts:
IconicKitty · 03/04/2023 19:22

@James637 I still suffer but I started taking anti depressants in the end, which helps.

SleepyHamster8 · 03/04/2023 19:26

I think CBT would help you with your need for absolute certainty and black-or-white way of thinking. I had similar issues and found it incredibly useful.

Imabitjealous · 03/04/2023 19:28

OP, can I ask, I’m the gentlest of ways. Are you under some pressure to make a decision about whether to have children? And if you are in a relationship does the continuation of that relationship depend on your decision?

Auntpodder · 03/04/2023 19:28

About a year, but not every week… I very much needed a face-to-face approach, but that’s me. It was as somebody earlier said, very good at untangling a maelstrom of very unhelpful thinking patterns.

Original poster
James637 · 03/04/2023 19:29

IconicKitty · 03/04/2023 19:22

@James637 I still suffer but I started taking anti depressants in the end, which helps.

I’m on them already! Would prefer not to be long term though! 😐

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Original poster
James637 · 03/04/2023 19:31

SleepyHamster8 · 03/04/2023 19:26

I think CBT would help you with your need for absolute certainty and black-or-white way of thinking. I had similar issues and found it incredibly useful.

Yes I agree. I tend to like things put in neat boxes rather than leaving stuff to fate or sitting with the uncertainty!

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Original poster
James637 · 03/04/2023 19:33

Imabitjealous · 03/04/2023 19:28

OP, can I ask, I’m the gentlest of ways. Are you under some pressure to make a decision about whether to have children? And if you are in a relationship does the continuation of that relationship depend on your decision?

No I’m single but I feel like I wouldn’t be able to have a relationship at this age without the anxiety kicking off and making me feel under pressure regarding the children question!

If I was 25 I could ignore it and live in the moment!

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Original poster
James637 · 03/04/2023 19:35

Auntpodder · 03/04/2023 19:28

About a year, but not every week… I very much needed a face-to-face approach, but that’s me. It was as somebody earlier said, very good at untangling a maelstrom of very unhelpful thinking patterns.

When you say your therapist didn’t take a ‘prescriptive approach’ to CBT… what sort of stuff did you do that’s different?

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AHelpfulHand · 03/04/2023 19:46

I had 7 sessions

Original poster
James637 · 03/04/2023 19:49

Impressive as that’s not much really!

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AHelpfulHand · 03/04/2023 21:08

You’ve got to follow through the thinking techniques what they teach you.

if you don’t put into practice what they teach you then it won’t work. You have to think positively when you’re doing the sessions that you really want to change and you really want this to work.

one of the great tips I was taught is…

when you feel resentment and bitterness towards someone that it’s eating you up inside, wish them well everyday in your head or say it out loud.

for example: I really wish Craig would have a great day today, I hope he’s happy and enjoying life. Say it in the mirror or in your head. As the days go by, you will start to say it more cheerfully, this is because it’s becoming a habit to think positively about that person. After a week of doing this everyday, your mindset about this person changes.

Original poster
James637 · 03/04/2023 22:03

AHelpfulHand · 03/04/2023 21:08

You’ve got to follow through the thinking techniques what they teach you.

if you don’t put into practice what they teach you then it won’t work. You have to think positively when you’re doing the sessions that you really want to change and you really want this to work.

one of the great tips I was taught is…

when you feel resentment and bitterness towards someone that it’s eating you up inside, wish them well everyday in your head or say it out loud.

for example: I really wish Craig would have a great day today, I hope he’s happy and enjoying life. Say it in the mirror or in your head. As the days go by, you will start to say it more cheerfully, this is because it’s becoming a habit to think positively about that person. After a week of doing this everyday, your mindset about this person changes.

That’s insane that it works like that, it’s logical but you just wouldn’t think the brain would take things in that easily.

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Original poster
James637 · 03/04/2023 22:41

That’s pretty crazy!

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Original poster
James637 · 04/04/2023 14:33

Anyone any other stories, good or bad??

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HairyKitty · 04/04/2023 14:45

@James637
try this body scan (or another audio from the set) every day, it’s a well known book used by NHS clinics

Mindfulness Meditation Body Scan

Guided Mindfulness meditation - Body Scan by Prof. Mark Williams, Oxford Mindfulness Centre

https://youtu.be/CyKhfUdOEgs

HairyKitty · 04/04/2023 14:51

Another very simple brain training/pavlovs dog kind of thing you can give a go to
start you off is to keep an elastic band round your wrist.
When you have an unhelpful thought you snap the band (don’t go mad!) and redirect yourself using additional senses or some other complex thing (eg x9 table backwards), or eg begin noticing the texture of something you are touching and describe it out loud or in your mind etc, become hyper mindful of every sound you can hear and describe them aloud or in your mind.
As others have said this is a way of encouraging your brain to follow new neural pathways (like the guy in the hammer video), instead of keep retreading the same old fears.

Original poster
James637 · 04/04/2023 17:35

Thanks! I will try both of these out!

OP posts:
Original poster
James637 · 04/04/2023 18:14

Anyone else tried CBT? Bump!!!

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Eyesopenwideawake · 04/04/2023 18:22

James - every person's experience of CBT will be different due to their own issues and their relationship with the therapist.

Why not just give it a go and see how you get on?