Am I right to feel extremely depressed and suicidal?

[summerfinn]

I'm feeling at rock bottom. I met my current fiancé over 4 years ago. I already had 9 year that I was bringing up totally alone( his dad just disappeared when I told him I was pregnant. I was 21 it was horrific. I had the baby and my parents promised they would always help me out with him.

Things with my abuse mother got worse at home she began hitting and verbally abusing me. My father always stuck up for her. I was then told to leave the house one morning with my ten month old . I had no money no job no car and no where to go. I stayed with a friend until I got social housing.

After a couple of not great relationships I thought I hit the jackpot with my current partner, he was kind, generous with his money ( he seemed to have a lot of it due to his job) we went on a holiday to time and soon after I found myself pregnant.We were both extremely happy. He didn't have a house of his own as he moved back from abroad to his mothers house.

He said he would buy us this big house in a gorgeous area , as my house was only a two bed social house. He had said his mother was remortgaging her house( his sister and her 4 kids lived there with her) and half of the money of this house was going to be my partner's. Around 500 thousand.

This still hasn't come to light. To make matters worse we moved into my dads 4 bed rental as he had broken up with his partner and could afford rent alone. We also couldn't stay in a tiny two bed as my 3 year old had no bedroom and could share with teenage brother. My father was okay to live with for a week then it all went downhill. He rarely interacts with my youngest, doesn't help out with house work or anything. Said he rather eat alone and buy his own shopping , we where going to cook his meals and have him with his a dinner table. He has shouted at me when I question his grumpy attitude.

The worst part is we decided to ring the estate agents to find out if he even bothered putting us on the lease. Turned out he told them it was a six month thing and temporary us living there. The house was in such bad condition that we did up all the bedrooms, had to put in new floors ect , it cost us a fortune.

So now I'm in a position where I have to wait until April to see if the landlord will agree to us staying a couple of years . As estate agent won't ask until then. Also I'm living with my father a man who I came to help but continues been abusive and hasn't even apologised for not telling the estate agent the truth. I'm worried sick and angry that I'm in this position. I was promised the world by my partner. I don't even have a home. I don't have a job to get us out of this situation. I just want to die.

How does your fiancé contribute financially? If he has a good job, can you not privately rent until you're able to stabilise your mental health a little?

He pays half the rent which is 900 and pays for everything in half with my dad electric and heat, where I live to get a decent house to rent it's at least 3500 a month . Unfortunately this isn't doable as we would have not much to live on after that. Our relationship isn't great and he says it's my fault we are in this situation. I feel so stupid and without options. I don't have any family or friends to help me with this emotionally.

Your fiancé can't take care of you and you don't appear to be best placed to care for yourself. If I were you I would get the ball rolling on finding social housing by speaking to your local council and explaining you are being made homeless as you can no longer live with your dad. As your finances are not joint, do not mention your partner at this time. See if they can find somewhere to house you and the children to get out of this awful situation.

Speak to your GP too. Medical help and diagnoses can go a long way to helping find suitable alternative housing.

There is a housing crisis at the moment the government would put us in a really awful one roomed hotel. I don't have an option to leave this house unfortunately. I need to try get our name on the lease and then as my father to leave. That's my only option right now.

You can't just force your dad to move out of HIS rented property because you decided to move in with him for cheap rent.

You need to find somewhere else to go.

Well, for a start, the gift horse in the house you're not looking at, is that your Dad appears to want to be independant, buying and cooking his own meals. He doesn't want to interact with children. So, let him do that. Work out a cooking rota so you aren't getting in each others ways. Maybe you eat early and he wants to eat late. Try and get as much space from each other as possible. You are people sharing a house. Did he promise any actual childcare?

I think it might be wise to contact the GP for your mental health as a start but I'm not sure about the rest cause if I understand it correctly, I'm reading it as you moved in with your father to help him with rent and to give you a cheaper place to live and you repay that by wanting to take the tenancy from him and evict him?

You are in a stressful situation which is clearly impacting your mental health. I think you need to get help with that as to want to die because of a temporary situation shows you need some mental health support. Please speak to your gp.

Oh dear, it seems like giving up your social housing was a mistake - if you had been overcrowded there, they would have had to move you eventually.

Thing to do, is go to your GP and get some help with how you're feeling. If you feel you might self-harm or worse, please phone the Samaritans.

If/when the landlords tell you you can't be added to the tenancy or have to leave, then I think taking up emergency accommodation is your best shout - yes, it'd be tough but it's a step to getting independent again. I don't think you can reasonably expect to take over the tenancy from your father.

Speak to Shelter for some advice and support with housing.

This is your Dad's home and you moved in to share rental costs. Why does it matter if you, your partner and children live and eat separately from your Dad? Leave him to cook and care for himself in the same way that you would in a house share. Respect each others space and things will be better. You and your partner can then continue to save for your own place.
Regarding your mental health sorry you feel so low, definitely see your G.P and explain that you are depressed and have had dark thoughts.This will be taken seriously and hopefully should help you feel that you have some support.

Maybe some of you haven't read my whole post but my father is unpredictable and verbally abusive towards me since we moved in. He also told the estate agent we were only staying 6 months. When we found this out he ignored us for days and when I asked him about it he stood up and started shouting at me.

We put thousands into the house to make it okay for us to live in with kids. He has potentially made my family homeless because of his lies. I had a house we moved for his benefit primary. I could have stayed their until I saved for a house.

I though he was in a controlling relationship for 7 years as he wasn't there for me at all but it turns out he's just a mean dangerous man.

Some posters are brutal on here. I'm on the edge and the comments are unbelievable.

Sorry you're feeling so bad - and it's not OK for him to verbally abuse you or lie to you.

It was crazy for you to spend on doing up rooms and putting in floors in a rented property tho, especially when you can't have signed a tenancy agreement.

You’ve had supportive replies advising you see your GP urgently for support with your mental health. Your HV might also be someone you could talk to.

What neither they nor anyone else can do is evict your father from his home and let you take over the lease. You can’t think that would be reasonable no matter how he behaves.

You’re blaming an awful lot of people for the tricky situation you’re in at the moment. Your ex, your mum, your dad, your current partner, his family. You’re a parent of two children you’ve chosen to bring into the world. You need to make sensible plans to ensure their and your stability and safety. Relying on a series of different people to house and support you isn’t reasonable. It’s a tragedy you have to secure social housing to take a punt on the generosity of others.

I agree with those who have advised a GP appointment - I’d ask about counselling. You seem to be bouncing from one abusive situation to the next, which is understandable if your parents were/are abusive. But, said gently, no one is going to save you. The responsibility to house and provide for yourself is yours alone, not a job for your Dad or your DP or anyone else. Do you work? Can you get back on social housing list? Try to focus on what you can do, not what can’t be done.

You will never have stability all the while you are reliant on others to provide you with money and a home . You have children so stop this talk of dying and step up and look out for yourselves. Put your name down on the council list , you have kids so will hopefully house you relatively quickly . Even if it is a room in a hostel it'll get you away from abusive people and set your kids a better example of valuing yourself more . Then when youngest is in nursery get a job . You have had a shitty past but you can shape your own better future .

Where do you live that £3500 is the going monthly rent for a 3 bed house?

It sounds like you need to move to a much cheaper area.

Are you working?

I'm worried about your MH and feel an emergency appt is needed to get the help you so obviously need. I'm also extremely worried about your children living under what must be such an unstable and stressful situation. Is your father abusive towards them, too? Even if not, they still must see and hear all this, feel the dreadful tension and have to watch their mum slowly falling apart in front of their eyes.

Even if social housing is something small and not ideal, it's temporary and a step to your own independence. You're living in a dangerous home by your own admission and you need to take your children out of there and focus on getting yourself well, far away from abuse.

You've said you don't have family so why not move? £3,500 for a three bed house is insane and I can understand why you can't afford that but you're currently not working and the children can change schools. Set yourself up in a cheaper area, with or without your partner, if you're not desperate enough for temporary accommodation yet.

Have you worked at all since your first DC? That's a problem if not. You seem to be looking to others to fund you rather than taking charge yourself. It's more luck that your fiance has stuck around, but he could go if he gets fed up enough- whT then? Without marriage men can leave you high and dry, hope you've got a date set.

I'm not sure her fiance is such a prize - sounds like he's bullshitted as much as her father.

The money from his mum is never going to come, even if the house is worth a million, remortgaging doesn’t mean you get half the value of the house in cash. He doesn’t sound like he can support you at best, and like a fantasist at worst.

You can do it. For your children. Contact the council on the first instance to get on the housing list.

I’m sorry that your parents are abusive but you are stuck in a ‘wanting to be rescued mindset’, which encourages you to act in ways that make you dependent on others.

See your GP with regards to your MH but your second pregnancy was built on financial wishful thinking.

Where on earth do you live where it costs £3.5k pcm for a 3 bed place? I live in a very leafy south west London suburb and it wouldn't cost anywhere near that.

What's your plan for going back to work? It seems like that's the most sensible and realistic route out of all your problems. It may seem very hard now but you'll be proud of yourself for standing on your own two feet.

Ah OP, things sound horrendous for you, is it any wonder you feel like you do. Can you call a listening service or the Samsritans?

Op you need to speak to your GP and tell them you're suicidal and get some support. You can also call the Samaritans free on 116 123.