I just need a vent, I feel like I'm going mad!
For years now I've been struggling. I feel like it started back in 2013ish when my grandma died and I took her Ouija board. I never opened it, left it in the car, gave it to a friend 2 or 3 years ago. (I know some people will think I'm cuckoo already).
But since then I've had intrusive thoughts. For example, I check the floor constantly worrying I've dropped information about people I work with, even though I'm out shopping on a Saturday and don't even take any information home with me. I have to stare at something to try and reassure myself, counting empty plugs for example to reassure myself I've unplugged my straighteners.
I've always had STD tests including a yesr or so into my relationship with my (now) husband, but now I'm convinced I've got something (no signs or anything). And last year I had a tiny pin prick hole in my foot that was painful. I treated it as though it was a verruca even though it didn't look like one, and still now, even though the podiatrist removing my toenail at Christmas said she could see where it had been but it wasn't there now, I can't stop acting like it is there incase I spread it to my 2 year old or my husband. I won't put my foot flat on the floor unless I have a plaster over it and a sock, I wash my hands constantly, I disinfect everything all the time. Tonight I sprayed the floor and got the too of my sock slightly and am now convinced there will be verruca virus everywhere and in my shoes tomorrow because i haven't changed my sock but it got sprayed.
I'm going mad and I don't know what to do other than feel like it's all got to me tonight and I've had enough with it all. Just lying in bed crying and feeling pathetic.