I'm losing the plot with anxiety and intrusive thoughts

[Helpimgoingmad]

I just need a vent, I feel like I'm going mad!

For years now I've been struggling. I feel like it started back in 2013ish when my grandma died and I took her Ouija board. I never opened it, left it in the car, gave it to a friend 2 or 3 years ago. (I know some people will think I'm cuckoo already).

But since then I've had intrusive thoughts. For example, I check the floor constantly worrying I've dropped information about people I work with, even though I'm out shopping on a Saturday and don't even take any information home with me. I have to stare at something to try and reassure myself, counting empty plugs for example to reassure myself I've unplugged my straighteners.

I've always had STD tests including a yesr or so into my relationship with my (now) husband, but now I'm convinced I've got something (no signs or anything). And last year I had a tiny pin prick hole in my foot that was painful. I treated it as though it was a verruca even though it didn't look like one, and still now, even though the podiatrist removing my toenail at Christmas said she could see where it had been but it wasn't there now, I can't stop acting like it is there incase I spread it to my 2 year old or my husband. I won't put my foot flat on the floor unless I have a plaster over it and a sock, I wash my hands constantly, I disinfect everything all the time. Tonight I sprayed the floor and got the too of my sock slightly and am now convinced there will be verruca virus everywhere and in my shoes tomorrow because i haven't changed my sock but it got sprayed.

I'm going mad and I don't know what to do other than feel like it's all got to me tonight and I've had enough with it all. Just lying in bed crying and feeling pathetic.

Big hugs.
Go and see your GP.
Intrusive thoughts is often a result of anxiety and is a form of OCD.
It can respond really well to therapy and sometimes medication. My DD has this and contamination/illness is a major theme.
It's a really tiring and debilitating condition but it can be managed with help and information. Understanding her condition has been really helpful both for her and me to be honest.

Bless you . You really need to speak to your GP about your anxiety.

A close relative of mine had a very relatable problem with anxiety and is now so much better.Mainly meds and counselling has helped .

Sounds like anxiety and ocd. Might have been triggered by losing your grandma. I agree to go and see your gp and start getting help for this. It can get better. I'm sorry you are suffering.

Have you seen a doctor about this? I was having dreadful intrusive thoughts with anxiety and medication made them go away. I also had counselling but I believe the medication got me into a place where I could start to work on strategies to help myself.

(I'm on Lexapro)

Sounds really tough OP, enjoy the relief of a little cry it’ll help relieve some of the stress.

First step was reaching out with this post, Second is to take the advice. You can do this x

Thank you everyone for your comments. I know I need to go to the GP, I'm kind of building myself up to it. I've told a friend at work since I made this post so feel like I'm taking baby steps to getting help. I think I'm worried because I want another baby and this may stop that.

Firstly well done for sharing,
Time for GP and community mental health team hopefully for support. They do stuff called grades exposure which can help a lot :). There's also medications which can help. This is the first step in life feeling less relentless:)

Thank you so much. I know I'm not alone but it definitely feels like it. Going to have a little Google of the grades exposure you've mentioned!

I could have written this myself a few years ago. Medication and CBT really helped. Well done for talking about it, I hope your GP is helpful xxxxxxx

@whatfreshheck thank you. Sorry you felt the same, it's horrendous, and currently only getting worse! I think that's my worry about the gp, if they aren't helpful ( that and feeling like they will cart me off to a hospital or something).

They won't cart you off to a hospital! If this GP isn't helpful I would get a second opinion. I used to spend hours doing the 20 min drive home from work because I was convinced I might have hit an animal and drive back and forth checking. I also had a lot of intrusive thoughts and compulsive checking. It's exhausting. I still feel like it sometimes but CBT definitely gave me the tools to cope. This too shall pass and it will get better xxxxx

My youngest has intrusive thoughts and a therapist has been great. It is a form of ocd. Don’t be worried about seeking help. I thought they’d send my daughter to a mental health unit as her thoughts were about killing me, along with other thoughts . She never would hurt me though. There’s some great online training they can give you to do too. It’s called this way up. It’s helped her. Another thing they’re trying with her is to pick a time and allow a time frame- my daughter picked 20 minutes and that’s your worry time. So if you have an intrusive thought acknowledge it but don’t focus on it and during your time you’ve allowed is where you can go nuts with ever thought you’ve had. Can write it down. My daughter is a bit younger but she has to say it’s all my anxiety brain and my real brain will become stronger and take over my anxiety brain. Not sure if any of that helps but definitely seek help because once you do you don’t feel so crazy. You realise there’s so many people just like you.

Please see your GP. My anxiety rocketed after I stopped bf my eldest and the intrusive thoughts/ panicking/ nameless dread each morning made me feel I was losing my mind.

I tried cutting out caffeine, alcohol, doing meditation, more exercise, but nothing worked. I went to the doctor and she immediately prescribed me an anti-depressant. I was so reluctant to take it but at that point I'd have tried anything. Well, those pills worked in days, to my intense relief, and I've never had anxiety so badly since. How I wish I'd got the damn pills sooner.

If you're worried about another baby, I fell pregnant while taking the meds and was able to continue with them through the pregnancy. I since stopped for about a year then restarted again after the anxiety came back. Currently having some therapy as well to try to identify the triggers and hopefully get off the pills for good. My god, they've been a lifesaver though.

For things like this I strongly recommend The Feeling Good Handbook - it's a very practical guide that has a cognitive behavioural therapy approach to intrusive thoughts, and includes examples of people with worries like unlike yours. You're not alone in having them and you're not 'crazy' - I think a lot of people have them sometimes, I know I do, but sometimes they can just get out of hand - I can totally see how that can happen. The good news is the cognitive behaviour therapy is very good at getting this sort of thing under control.

www.amazon.co.uk/Feeling-Good-Handbook-David-Burns/dp/0452281326

Sorry it was a typo in my first message it's 'graded exposure' not grades all the best with your recovery :) there is hope:)

It sounds very like OCD. Do you have a local IAPT service? Google it. You can refer yourself, they will assess you and some CBT will sort you right out, I bet.

Classic intrusive OCD thoughts. I was an inpatient for 2 months with them. Happy to say I’ve been in remission for 3 years - you can manage them.

First step, sertraline - if you’re willing to give it a go, it’s a bit of a blunt instrument but will really take the edge off.

Second step, saying it out loud. Yup, even the awful thoughts. To somebody trained and knowledgable about OCD. The thoughts start to lose power the moment they’re not an awful shameful secret.

You will get there, just take those first steps 💐

You’re not pathetic, you’re just not particularly well at the moment. Absolutely no shame in that. If you feel weird saying this stuff to your GP, you could just show them your post here. You explain it all really clearly. Good luck

I have a close family member who had very similar intrusive thoughts. Good news is that you can recognise them as that. My family member stated the hardest bit of the treatment was recognising it, admitting it, and getting past the intrusive thoughts to start the medication. It was a GP prescription, a very common drug, and it worked very well and quicker than you'd think.

Thank you again for all the new comments and posters! I've told my husband this morning, and made a GP's appointment, although it's for in a months time but the best I could get booking online! My head feels a little clearer, and honestly every single comment has helped me so much in realising I'm not alone and I can get help and I'll be OK!

I've also told my mum today. She's said to try and get an earlier appointment. Does anyone know if I could ring up a GP's first thing and class it as an urgent appt (as they only take those calls before 9.30am). My mum said that while it isn't life threatening it is urgent, especially if it's getting worse (which I feel it is) x

Yes, I'd say it's urgent. There is very little more distressing than acute, unmanaged anxiety. Get yourself seen as soon as you can.

@DeoForty thank you, I'm going to ring in the morning when I get to work. Although I'm not sure what work will say if I need to leave for an appt if I managed to get one for tomorrow!

I've been given Sertraline and self referred to my local IAPT service. I've felt sick all day, I think it's knowing how bad I am at the moment and that I've got another good few weeks of this. It's torture at the moment. But at least I've been and have asked for help!