What is your biggest mistake in life?

[pllaqsd]

Just wondering..if you are happy to share of course...what has been the biggest life mistake you have made and did you resolve it/how did it end!?

This. I'm still playing his stupid games 4 years later but my child is with me most of the time so I win.

It's not a mistake because I didn't know before (I was diagnosed after my children), but waiting until almost 35 to be diagnosed with autism.

I'm seeing my whole life through a different lense now and feel sad for old me who didn't know, and so excited for new me who can live knowing why I am the way I am.

What signs did you have and how are things different now? X

Too many to list here. All involving me trying to help people out to my own detriment, even seeing me end up with a criminal conviction.

I find it all hard to live with and I'm very unwell.

I had no idea, but I have all the signs of a girl with aspergers (in old terms)

Not getting fixed braces when the dentist suggested it when I was 13.

Falling for a charming and fun boy who’d slept with half the university. The relationship didn’t last long, he broke my heart then, and again many years later when I discovered the chlamydia he’d given me had made me infertile.

Some mistakes can’t be fixed.

Have really come to hate the expression “No regrets”.

Looking for, and finding, my real father. He deserted my DM when she was 8 months pregnant with me. I spent years looking for him and now bitterly regret it.

Not going travelling before getting bogged down with a mortgage.

Training to teach. Although financially it made sense at the time and I have had a good career and have stable finances now, I do look back and wonder what might life might be now if I'd taken a different path.

Buying my first property - lost a lot of money. Then because I got burnt, not buying that flat in Hampstead near the station 25 years ago and lost the opportunity to make that money back many times over.

This is a joint mistake, tbh. Not speaking in-depth with my Mum and her not explaining to me the extent of my Dad’s MH problems and the ways I needed to support him. She died when I was in my 20’s and I didn’t realize/understand how much she supported him-and that the responsibility then passed to me.

It led to a lot of mistakes, although we’re Ok now.

Not leaving teaching before it wrecked my mental and physical health.

@Pd05 I wish you all the best. You sound like a lovely person.

Pissing about at uni and only getting a third class honours. Worth fuck-all.

Settling.

Ah I feel for you, I messed up a bit when I was younger - but that's what we do when we are young...
I hope you get the strength to get a job/college and stays away from drugs and any more negative stuff. It's very positive that you feel regret about the hurt you've caused and I'm sure your parents will be wary but appreciative of your attempts to rebuild your relationship.
And your dog lives you unconditionally, don't worry about that..

33 years ago, at the age of 32, I was a single woman who owned a four bedroom seaside house with £34,000 of equity in it and had a fairly well paid (though blue collar) job. I also had £5,000 in the bank.

I was sitting pretty.

Then I met a bloke and allowed social indoctrination to persuade me that life would be even better if I threw in my lot with him. Because, you know, what's the point of having your own home and a steady job if you don't have a man to share your life with? If you are a sad little "incel", a "dried up spinster"?

Reader, I lost everything.

He abused my love for him, and my trust in him, to manipulate the situation, in order to get me 100% financially entangled with him, and dependent on him, then he turned nasty, frightening and violent, and it cost me everything to get away from him.

By the time I was 37 I had lost everything, was £20k in debt. Luckily I still had my job. It took me 20 years to get back to where I was at age 32.

If my experience can stop anyone else from doing what I did, it was worth sharing. I was persuaded to believe that love was more important than money. It isn't.

I often wonder what would have happened if I hadn't married my exH. We had some good times together and it probably made me who I am today so although I am sometimes tempted to regret the marriage, I think many years later, that regret has subsided in to musing.

My biggest regret is probably spending money when I had it instead of putting it in a pension. Now I am getting close to pension age, it is a bit worrying and I know I could have saved more to make my future years easier.

Wise and interesting thoughts! I think in my life it has been part avoidance and part laziness. I know that when I start some kind of project to reach a certain goal, then I usually follow through. It's just that I rarely get started!

All of these.

Plus not getting more decent advice about what to pursue in my career.

Not getting really good therapy at a young age to improve my self esteem and get over childhood trauma.

Generally putting other people first and not prioritising my own needs.

I'm so sorry.

Society's lies that it tells women are really damaging. Fantastic effort though to get yourself established again. You should be so proud of yourself.

Stopping breast feeding when I did (6 weeks) it was about my tiredness, impatience and I couldn't keep going with an active 2 year old, feeling very alone. It didn't help his sleep and didn't improve my mental health.

My wedding dress, I just said yes to first one that looked ok in first shop. my sister was really unkind about how it looked but paid for it so I felt I just had to be grateful and not make a fuss. I was lovely looking but lacked confidence, I wish I'd taken a kind friend with me to choose something nicer.

Getting married to the person I married. Cost me hundreds of thousands of pounds through his debts and lies and schemes and bullshit.

Thank you for reading and replying. Yes, I am proud that I got back to how I was.

I should add that, the SECOND time I got myself a 4-bed seaside home and money in the bank, I vowed never to get financially entangled with a man again and I never have. Yes, have boyfriends, lovers, friends, but never give up being financially independent.

Oh, and I filled the other 3 beds with lodgers and made a fortune.

Well I can't think of anything so, although I've got all sorts of small regrets, I must be doing OK.
No point in racking my brains to think of something miserable to share...