Feeling suffocated by toddler; getting so angry

[Boneweary]

I have NCd for this because to be honest I feel absolutely horrible for how I feel. But I am getting so angry with my toddler. It’s all internal anger and he is spoken to and treated with gentleness and love pretty much all the time.

He is a perfectly normal two year old but I’m finding that so hard. Toys strewn all over the house, falling over them in the kitchen, all over the lounge, everywhere. Climbing on me constantly. Trying to grab things and take them (like I’m trying to sweep up the mess from dinner and he’s trying to grab the dustpan and brush from me) climbing on me and smearing food on me or wiping his nose on my once-clean top. Being unable to walk into the kitchen without him right behind me so I trip when I turn.

It’s normal and I know that but I don’t think how I feel is. And it is just a feeling but I want to shout JUST LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE. That’s horrible but true.

Is this normal?

Sounds like parental burnout. I get it too if I don't get a decent break. I've learned that in order to be a better parent I need regular time to myself.

Is there anyone who could take him so you have a break. And I mean a decent break, not just an hour. Do you have a partner?

I dont think his behaviour is completely normal no. I dont think you have to speak with "gentleness and love" to someone trying to snatch a dustpan and brush out of your hand. Teach him not to snatch!

I do; he’s away a lot in the week but he is good when he’s here. I also work three days a week but it’s still a long day as due to my husbands work it’s me who gets up with toddler and puts him to bed and so he’s used to me so …

I feel rotten as he’s such a gorgeous toddler really. A lot of the time when I feel angry it’s when he’s done something like given me an over enthusiastic hug and head butted me or something. And I feel so guilty. I have this lovely little boy who loves me but I just want to be left alone!

Not helpful @Nimbostratus100 <eye roll> he’s 2, he’s trying to ‘help’ by mimicking what I do, it’s how they learn. Fair enough if he was four but he’s not.

excuse me, I was trying to help - no I dont think its normal behaviour in a two year old, but its your choice to let him

On his next day off get him to take DS out for the day. It'll be good daddy bonding time and you'll get some time to yourself.

I get it. My DS is 3 and DD is 1. I get fed up of being crawled on too!

I remember thinking having a two year old is like having a 24/7 job but with someone employed 24/7 to sabotage everything you try and do. It is indeed relentless.

Frustration is absolutely normal. Who wouldn't be frustrated in these circumstances. However, you sound about done. Do you find joy as well as frustration? If not then there is no shame in a visit to the GP to talk it through.

Guilt comes hand in hand with motherhood in my experience but it's such a waste of an emotion. Make sure you think about all the good things you have done. When I achieved something (e.g. got a small child into a car seat when faced with seemingly unbeatable resistance) I would give myself a parenting high five and tell myself bloody well done!

So a parenting high five to you and think about all those amazing wins you have had today. He is fed, he is loving, he is curious about housework.... You got through the day, you are kind and loving (even when you feel the opposite). Sounds like you are doing amazing to me.

One - give yourself a break
Two - get a break for you even if it's just one night in a local travelodge or wherever and just be
Three - talk to your GP, you may be experiencing low mood etc and it's worth having that chat sooner than later

And yes it's relentless hard work even when they are gorgeous and beautiful and totally normal - you need to ensure you look after you - no one else will xx

2 is really hard.
when was the last time you had a toddler free day? If it wasn’t recently or even if it was then maybe you need a day off?

I did have one fairly recently in fact but they are very few and far between! I’m pregnant at the moment so far more tired than normal and often feeling sick.

It’s definitely true that toddlers and I think all little children are like a 24 hour job with no release! I feel better just for letting it out to be honest - so cathartic.

@Nimbostratus100 it really is totally normal for toddlers to try to mimic what adults are doing. It’s the same with lots of stuff. He takes toilet paper off the toll because it’s what I do, he repeats words I use, he takes my phone and says hello hello into it. It’s learning. When he takes the dustpan and brush off me he is ‘cleaning’ but it’s not a game so it’s very frustrating.

Get him his own dustpan and brush, then he can help while you actually get the job done!

Being pregnant with a 2 year old is hard hard work (way harder than actually having the baby!). Cut yourself some slack. You're doing an amazing job.

Get his own panand brush to use
Send him to nursery or childminder

He goes to nursery three days a week, thanks.

He does have his own, but in the moment, he wants whatever I have, in the same way that food I have must be sampled even when it is identical to the food he has …

Get him his own toy one!
And a hoover

It's very hard when it's so relentless.
I had a no climbing on me or pulling at my clothes rule.
He's perfectly able to learn this now
Also please and thank you.
The amount of primary school children you see dragging at their mother's clothes and yelling "Drink "
Umm nope

I could have written your post word for word OP

I love my son more than life itself but sometimes it is just so relentless and must be doubly difficult as you are pregnant too.

This phase will pass, be kind to yourself.

My tolerance level for my also completely normal and lovely toddler is diminished currently. I’m also 20 weeks pregnant, which I definitely think is playing a part. Toddlers are great because they are so passionate and interested and invested in the people they love and the world around them…but that also can make them quite suffocating and full on. You are not alone in feeling like this! x

You can’t enable him and never tell him off then wonder why he has no boundaries and runs riot around the place. Nimbo is right.

Thank you so much!@VivaVivaa , I’m 15 weeks, I’m supposed to be feeling better now I’m in the second trimester - ha!

Well yes, but him wanting what you have at the point you’re using it isn’t acceptable, so PP is right that you do need to teach him that by explaining (and then following through and giving it to him) once you’re finished with it. Snatching isn’t ok at any age.

I posted in mental health - mine - not parenting.

@Cuppasoupmonster i have NCd (although it is apt so may keep it ) but I do know your name and I’ll be honest, I rarely if ever see a supportive comment from you. It is inevitably like the one above, where a singular moment is taken, extrapolated and used as a stick to whack the OP with. It’s a shitty thing to do anyway, but on this particular board, where people come feeling vulnerable and in need of kindness, is really not on, IMO.

For my part, I am thankfully robust enough to see that this is nonsense. ‘Snatching’ as a verb is just used to describe that level of enthusiasm, of wanting to be involved. He is two, and only just two. I’m afraid he doesn’t know some social niceties yet. He is for the most part a fairly chilled, calm, gentle toddler. I frequently look around when we are in groups and realise I am very lucky.

Toddlers and children learn best by example. Of course some instruction is needed, but ‘teach him not to do that’ is a long process and it doesn’t start and end in a single afternoon.

Well if your toddler isn’t normal OP neither is mine as she does exactly the same - I have to try and mop the floor in secret as she will try to wrench the mop out of my hand to ‘help’ when she sees me doing it 😂

Looks like we can be boundary-less parents together!

@Hiphopopotamus i know a lot of children the same age, they are all the same!

What are you talking about? Nimbo was right, it’s just common sense - if you’re not willing to put boundaries in place then you can’t really be surprised when children don’t respect them. I’m not being mean; just logical - you say children need to learn by example but clearly this isn’t working is it.

I just tell DD when she’s annoying me, or to stop doing something because I don’t like it. I don’t shout, I just say don’t do that because it annoys mummy/hurts mummy/that’s my food.

I think I was quite clear what I was talking about. Not once have I stated there are no boundaries, not once have I said that he is ‘running riot around the place.’ You decided to extrapolate that from my post and use it to upset me, to criticise my parenting and my child, and you did it on the mental health board. And I am telling you it is out of order.